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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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BubblesPebblesx2 · 29/11/2012 10:51

A very good friend of mine has been trying to conceive for over a year with no success. I found out I'm pregnant with my second this week and would like some advice on how to tell her when the time comes. She lives directly opposite me so I'm already dreading her seeing the midwife coming round or the blue folder before I have the chance to let her know. What should I do?

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weeblueberry · 29/11/2012 11:33

Don't do what I did and tell your friend in a public place. I assumed telling her to her face would be the best thing but then I'm an ignorant cow and didn't consider that she might want time to process it before having to 'congratulate' me. Sad. I honestly still feel shitty about it months on and, having heard from people who have lost children or are having trouble conceiving, it's about the worst way you can do it. So don't be horrid like me.

Can you tell her with a letter or a text? Obviously only you know your friendship. Or maybe tell her partner and ask him the best way to go about letting her know?

Original poster
BubblesPebblesx2 · 29/11/2012 11:45

I did think maybe to go round to hers and tell her privately before we announce it. I'm just really worried that she won't be able to be around me for however long it takes her to be able to be happy for me. Such a minefield!!

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stowsettler · 29/11/2012 12:08

I think your idea is a good one. I was in a similar situation, I was unable to tell my best friend face to face because she lives on the other side of the world. I sent her an email several weeks before 'going public'.

cupcake78 · 29/11/2012 12:56

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to this. Tell her sooner rather than later, don't let her find out by seeing the midwife. Have a coffee and tell her quietly when its just the two of you. Tell her that your really worried about telling her and that you don't want to upset her, but didn't want her to find out another way. If she needs space from you then you will have to respect that.

Keep the communication open and honest with her and give her the chance to be upset if she wants to be. I'm sure she will be very happy for you although she will understandably be sad it's not her. Don't shove it in her face and I'm sure she will be ok!

jenrendo · 29/11/2012 13:04

I have been both you and your friend, firstly when we had two failed cycles of IVF when everyone around us was getting pregnant, and secondly when we finally did get pregnant and I had to tell my lovely friend who had just had a failed IVF cycle :( It is so awful to feel so terrible about telling everyone your lovely news. I would tell her as soon as you can, in hers or your house where she can process it however she can. When people told me I was outwardly brave and asked all the right questions. Then I went home and wept. When I told my friend I was pregnant she wept outwardly and said she was so happy for me but so sad for herself. I was just so glad to have told her before everyone started to get excited. You are obviously a lovely friend if you care so much about her feelings. She will respect you and love you for that :)

jenrendo · 29/11/2012 13:05

Oh, and don't be hurt if she distances herself from you for a wee while. If she's a good friend she'll find the strength to come back to you once she has dealt with the news :) And don't take it personally x

whiterose2011 · 29/11/2012 13:37

I've recently had a mc and think I would prefer if a close friend told me herself. There is no getting away from the fact it will be hard but I think shying away from it just makes it more difficult on your friend. Just be straight down the line if you can, explain u r expecting and wanted to be the one to tell her rather than hearing it from someone else, acknowledge that it will be hard for her and say that you want to be sensitive to her feelings. Don't think too badly of her if she says congrats through gritted teeth. It is so so hard to be happy for people when all you want is to be pregnant yourself. You must be a really lovely person to think so much about others at such an exciting time in your life. Good luck. Xxx

Ameliac28 · 29/11/2012 14:25

Don't do what my friend did to me! I had been trying for years (now 6 months pregnant) and my friend knew how much I wanted a baby and how upset I got when I saw people pregnant, I didn't mean to be like that but you just can't help yourself, anyway she decided to tell me on my first year wedding anniversary and just via a text saying she's pregnant and she don't know what to do and it wasn't planned blah blah and that her other half wasn't happy about it. Don't tell her on a special day (although you would think people would know not to do this) and I would of rathered her tell me either to my face or on the phone and not via a text. Just try and be as senstive as you can. I work with a lady who's been trying a little longer then me and when I found out I went and sat her down and just said I really don't want to upset you but I want you to hear it from me and I told her and she was actually preally pleased. If she is a good friend then she will be happy for you. Good luck x

Jenjen85 · 29/11/2012 14:28

Bubbles Iv just been through the exact same thing just recently. My friend has been trying for nearly 2yrs without any luck (several operations an still nothing) when I found out I was pregnant after only 4 months of trying. I was so happy for myself but also so upset and was worried about telling her. Anyway I met her for a coffee after work and told her, we both cried for me and her and she was fine with it (altho deep down I knew she was upset but putting on a brave face). She would text me everyday asking how I was feeling and then on Monday she called round to see how I'm getting on (off work with morning sickness) only to suprise me with 2 positive pregnancy tests Grin well there were lots of happy tears all round and she is about 5wks pregnant. I swear that it was my positive pregnancy vibes I was sending to her but we have a lovely journey to take together now Smile good luck telling her, I know it's not easy x

Ameliac28 · 29/11/2012 14:39

Jenjen85 that is such a lovely story so please for you and your friend :) me and my best friend are pregnant with just 2 days apart and it's so lovely going thru it with someone so close, enjoy x

Original poster
BubblesPebblesx2 · 27/12/2012 19:18

Ladies it would appear my friend was keeping the same secret and we are due around the same time :)

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ratbagcatbag · 27/12/2012 19:22

Yey. :) that's lovely and really considerate of you for thinking how to do it.

RissaC2011 · 27/12/2012 19:32

I would tell her face to face as soon as possible but perhaps don't expect her to be too over the moon initially. This exact situation happened to me. It took my BFF 1.5 years to fall pregnant and our other friend became pregnant with her second and told her in a room full of people...she nearly burst into tears. Luckily I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd the day after she finally announced she was pregnant. Good luck hun and please don't feel guilty about your lovely news x

RissaC2011 · 27/12/2012 19:33

Sorry I didn't read all the posts
Hooray!

OComeAllYeFaithBaby · 27/12/2012 19:43

Oh how lovely! Grin

Lora1982 · 27/12/2012 20:35

Aww thats great!

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 27/12/2012 20:39

How lovely!

DIddled · 27/12/2012 20:44

Jen Jen that has just made me fill up. Bubs bless you for being so considerate and hugs on your news :) xxxx

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