Sex (or lack of it) - third trimester

[stowsettler]

So ladies, are you still doing it? I'm 29 weeks and frankly the thought just exhausts me, but I feel really guilty for 'denying' DP.
Isn't it all just a bit too much effort? Bump gets in the way, my bladder feels like it's being attacked on two fronts during the whole process (TMI?!) and as for actually enjoying it - well that's a distant memory! I never thought I'd feel like this!
Is this normal, or do I need to get a grip (so to speak!)?

Mm I am coming up for 28 weeks now and feel a lot like this. My legs and ribs ache constantly and it's a real mood killer. My partner is trying to be very understanding but I think he finds it hard not to take it personally. I reckon it's probably pretty normal but I do remember reading about how some womens sex drives just sky-rocket when they are pregnant and it does make me very . I do find if we can get to a certain point in proceedings without anything making me go 'ow' then it all goes quite well and I do enjoy it, but it's getting to that point that is a challenge, and as you say when the very thought of doing it is exhausting, it's not the easiest thing in the world... Sorry am not more help!

We haven't done it properly for weeks ( have done other stuff) but did this morning (35+4) and TBH it did nothing for me. I normally have a v high sex drive too but it was just so awkward! It was nice in a feeling close/ affectionate way but I think at the moment I will stick to letting DP pleasure me with things other than his penis! Although, in a few weeks he has been warned he might need to step up to the mark and evict the baby the same way he got it in there

Take another look at what you've written. You don't physically enjoy sex at the moment, it's a lot of effort, and you're exhausted. Any partner who would expect sex from you when you're feeling like this is being a bit of a selfish sod. You're not denying him, because you don't owe him sex in the first place.

It does seem to be totally normal to feel this way though - both the discomfort and the guilt. If it's bothering you, talk to your partner? Should be able to alleviate the guilt easily enough.

TBH he doesn't expect it from me. That doesn't stop me from feeling bad for not wanting to do it - it's meant to be an expression of love / affection and me not wanting to do it is making me feel bad. He hasn't mentioned it at all, bless him.

I am 23 weeks and we haven't had sex for ages! And I mean weeks and weeks. DH is wonderful and hasn't said anything about it (apart from the odd flirtatious remark) and we cuddle and kiss a lot. But it's my second pg and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. The baby is really low down so I really don't feel like I want to stick anything else up there! I'm ready for bed by about 8 in the evening and asleep by the time DH comes to bed so there's really not an opportunity even if I was in the mood!
I wouldn't worry about it too much. I agree with just the thought of it being exhausting!

Just to make you all feel better, I had DS2 7w ago and I think I was only about 20w the last time we had sex. If that. Just didn't want to know, was too uncomfortable, had SPD ishoos, acid reflux that was killing me (mild exaggeration). So DH has been without his conjugals for, oo, 27w minimum, what's that in months, 6? poor bugger. But he doesn't complain. :) Bless him.

I see your point about it being an expression of love and affection. Me and mine have a similar issue in reverse - I'd quite like some sex, his libido appears to have gone on holiday. I end up feeling a bit rejected, but that's mainly because I have some issues which lead to me thinking if he doesn't want to have sex it must be because he doesn't fancy me or secretly hates me or something equally insane, when in reality it's just the very obvious baby bump putting him off. What's helped is talking honestly about how we both feel at the moment, and trying to recognise and appreciate affection with our clothes on instead of relying on sex to show we care.

Sounds like you've got a good bloke there, who'd be receptive to hearing your worries. Talk to him! And good luck.

There are LOTS of ways to be intimate without intercourse. (for him, for me...) I'm 33 wks and while we manage it every so often with me on top (every couple of weeks or so, but I keep getting bigger and clumsier!) we're intimate nearly every day. Ahem, hands, mouths, cuddling, etc. etc. (oh and a vibrator isn't a bad idea for you either... happy mum, happy baby.)

Im 31 weeks and a couple of days ago we tried, honestly we did but I've got chronic SPD so it wasn't the best experience, my hips crunching away at every movement so after 3 10 minutes of me wincing and him saying, "sorrysorry" we decided to laugh it off and leave it.

To be honest, I can't be bothered and he's fine with that. We both know its only temporary

With my last pregnancy my sex drive was through the roof, but due to SPD I really don't feel much in the mood. I'm not 'allowed' to have sex at the moment anyway due to Placenta Previa. Poor hubby hasn't complained at all but did mention the other day that he hopes my placenta has moved at the next scan because it would be nice to have sex at least one more time before the baby is born, (bless).

He already knows from past experience that sex is the last things on my mind after having a baby, for several months. Then its few and far between due to tiredness mainly. I traditionally say I would like to have sex and then promptly fall asleep whilst he has a quick wee.

I have the opposite problem in that I'm quite keen but DH isn't (I'm 28 weeks). When we do do it, it's quite awkward and I ache for days afterwards but I still want it! It annoys me that DH doesn't to be honest, and I've been a bit of an arse to him about it because it makes me feel unattractive. I'm not sure why he's not keen. He claims to be tired but he was tired before I got PG (we also have a toddler who wakes early) and that never stopped him. I try not to be a bitch about it, it's totally up to him whether he wants to or not, but I do get a bit huffy I have to admit. Very childish.

Ha - Sex, what's that???? My DP's libido has run for the hills and I think we've only had sex 2-3 times at the most since I fell preggers and I'm 32+5 now.

He went right off it pretty much as soon as we found out I was pregnant and once I started showing, forget it I have had horrid SPD since just after 20 weeks so in fairness I haven't felt like it much either.

It did make me feel a bit rejected and unattractive but since I've had SPD its been the last thing on my mind

We've had sex once since getting pregnant. For 14 weeks I was horrendously sick. Then we did it. Now I'm just uncomfortable. Twas the same in first pregnancy - then about 10 weeks post birth. Poor DH!

I haven't wanted to have sex since I was about half way through my pregnancy with DS1 - 10 years ago!

Phew - glad it's not just me. I'm just too achy and tired to care much at the moment (34+6), although we've managed sex a few times during the pregnancy. Husband was a bit freaked out initially when my bump started getting bigger and had to be reassured that he wouldn't harm the baby.

I'm 38 weeks and we're still doing it occasionally but I usually get in a huff half way through as finding the right position is a problem, and then I'll start feeling all fat and weird and unattractive, and then the baby will start kicking which is really distracting, so it's not really the best sex of our lives!

Usually we end up just doing other stuff instead.

Dh still wants it and I'm more than happy to oblige - my libido is high in pregnancy. I'm 32 weeks and we're still going strong. However, my bump is very small/ neat and doesn't seem to get in the way.

I'm 39 weeks and trying to psych up the energy and enthusiasm to go for it (for first time in some weeks). What got the baby on there might help get it out. [Hopeful]

I'm 2 weeks late and the passer few days iv been felling uncomfortable with some feelings of pressure in my lower abdomen, if been single for about 7 months now so I know I'm not pregnant but dont know what's going on with me

I'm 33+7 weeks. Before I got pregnant we typically did it about twice a week? And before my toddler was born pretty much everyday. Before I had a bump we continued with this but as soon as I developed one it was uncomfortable, awkward and honestly not enjoyable. My sex drive has disappeared! It was the same when I was pregnant with DS but it did come back! Since I was about 25 weeks we've done it only 3/4 times. DH has joked that he needs some 'action' but I've basically told him to fuck right off!