My partner dowsn't want me to have this baby!!!!!!!!!!

[sianilovesbeingamummy]

I must emphasise i am not looking for advice on if to keep baby or not!!!! that question doesn't even need asking......

I worried i may have been pregnant for what seems like months now and after much hesitating i finally did a test last weekend (3 in fact) and they all came back positive, at different times of the day and on different days!!!!
My main concern was how i was going to tell my partner, he is twice my age, has 3 grown up kids and we have a 12month old son together! once i had seen a nurse and from feeling my abdomen she had confirmed my pregnancy i though i had better tell him......at this point i have no idea how far along i am as i havent had a period for 5 month which initially i put down to changing over of the pill!!!!! Anyway, the first thing he said when i told him was "what are you going to do"????? as if this was some random person off the streets he was talking to......... a little annoyed and taken a back i just said i was keeping it.......end of convo!!!!!!!!! later that night he asked why i wanted to keep the baby and that he didn't want anymore kids full stop!!!!!! the house was silent and the tension was untrue!!!! hardly speaking to each other and when i asked him things ir tried to make convo he would just answer moodily!!!!!! it has been like this for what seems like forever now, it has actually only been 3 days but when you live together that seems like eternity!!!!! i dont want to be with someone who is going to make things difficult for me when raising 2 kids, as he doesnt really help out with our son as it is, he will play with him when our son is in a happy mood but as soon as he starts to moan, mainly when tired, he just ignores him or gets moody and walks away leaving me to deal with everything as well as running the household!!!!!! i am getting rather fed up with it all now..... i know he works hard in order to provide for us but my days aren't exactly filled with trips out and socialising..... i am home most of the day, only popping out to get bits from the shop, mainly for supper or for our son, i cook, clean, wash, iron...... he has a live in maid out of me basically, all he has to do when he gets home is take his boots off and chill..... his food is made for him once our son is in bed, he has teas made as and when he is thirsty...... no mention of how has my day been, would i like a cuppa or would i like him to have our son for 10mins while i take a shower or a quick bath....... i did ask this of him a few weeks ago and he wouldnt have the littlen downstairs whilst i quickly jumped in the bath which i had just bathed my son in!!!!!!!!!!!as you can tell, i am rather het up about the whole situation and it is getting to the point where i want to ask him to leave!!!!!!is this wrong of me? i need support, especially now whilst pregnant and definately once the new arrival omes along!!!!!!! i will find out how far gone i am either this week or next hopefully, emergency scan request has been sent to local hospital from my midwife..... also i have my first midwife appointment tomorrow and maybe the midwife will have an idea how far gone i am through feeling my abdomen....... sorry to go on guys i just feel i have no one to talk to!!!!! he has also told me that i have to be the one to tell his side of the family as he is having nothing to do with it!!!!!!!!!! i think i know the answer as to what to do but i just want to see other peoples opinions, so if after reading this major essay you wouldnt mind commenting i would be grateful xxxxxxxx

Couldn't read and run. He does sound like he needs a boot up the arse, something needs to change, you do need support, is there anyone in RL you can talk to? You need support for this pregnancy immediately.

Maybe post this in chat, more people who can help, it's not simply a pregnancy matter so I think it's fair enough. Sorry I'm not more help, feeling pretty Ill, I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice in chat.

I think if he doesn't want another baby and you do then your relationship will have to end anyway. Its not fair on you or you're children to have a father in the house who is resentful and not fully committed.

Tbh his behaviour in the house currently makes me think you are effectively looking after two children now so I think you will manage fine by yourself.

If he does decide to support you then maybe its time to lay a few ground rules about pulling his weight in the house..

Hiya, You do have some-one to talk to- HIM!!! You're treating him like another child and allowing him to treat you like his slave/Mother.

I'm torn because part of me says surely you knew he was lazy and chauvanistic before you had your first child with him. When you swap contraception you are advised to use condoms. Was there a part of you that actually wanted another baby subconsciously?

Weigh up the pros and cons of staying with him. The last thing you need is financial worries whilst pregnant. Maybe this isn't the right time to give ultimatums (especially when kids involved and pregnant) Work to rule? Down tools. Get yourself out- you have one son at the moment which is no reason to be tied to the house or be a 1950's slave. Women have earnt the right to be free these days to make their own lifestyle decisions and if your partner is too immature to cope with your needs as well as his own, it's HIS problem and not the rest of the family.

Talk to him and tell him what you've told us. He can't understand if he doesn't know.

It does sound as if you both want different things from life, which is always going to be a risk when two people are at different stages in life when they meet. If he really cannot come round to the idea of a growing young family then you are better off without him. From your OP he doesn't seem like a loving and supportive partner.

Trust your instincts - this man treats you like shit and you're strong enough to cope with the consequences of your decisions, in this case either being a lone parent of two very young dc or accepting a lesser role in your relationship out of gratitude to him for staying.

i definately didnt plan this and the doc said going from one pill to another would be fine, i wouldnt have to take any extra precautions but we didnt actially have sex when i changed anyway so it didnt happent then!!!!!

i had come round to the idea that we were not having any children and it definatly was a shock but i will never terminate a child, it is just not me!!!! if he was adamant of no more then i feel he should have had something done but he couldnt face getting that done and it was down to me to change my pill etc.....

we had only been together a short while when i got pregnant with his son so no i didnt know what he was like and also i had come out of a very abusive relationship prior to meeting him.... he was very kind and considerate and he had said he didnt know how to be loving as he had never had that from his previous two relationships....... things moved very quickly what with me becoming pregnant and it did put a strain on us but we managed to get through it all..... i don't like bad mouthing him, far from it but when i need him the most he isnt there..... i do try and talk to him about it all but he just shuts down and grunts little answers at me!!!!!!!!

TBH you do sound like you already know what you'd like to do. It's really easy to wish that the people we're close to/rely would change if we are not happy with the way they're doing things. IME it almost never happens unless the person really wants to change, so I do think you need to decide what you want from the relationship and decide if your partner as he is can give you that. If its a yes then great, but if not then you need to weigh up your options (which I suppose is what you're doing).

I became pregnant unexpectedly with DS with someone who didn't want a baby/relationship. Ultimately we split up because we just weren't right for each other. I'm so glad I didn't just stay with him for ease as I met somebody else and we have a DD together and are expecting another in April next year.

In an ideal world I would love to have had all my children with one partner but it just wasn't to be I suppose. I wouldn't be without DS but I'm also really pleased that I didn't stay with his dad .

Hope you have someone to talk to in RL. Good luck with whatever you decide.