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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you first connect with your baby?

21 replies

weeblueberry · 27/11/2012 16:20

I'm only 17 weeks but have met a lot of women who have said they connected with their child, even at this early stage.

I admit my child is very much still this abstract idea/concept that I imagine when I think 8 months into the future but I'd be lying if I said there was a connection. It's all very lovely and nice but I suppose that until I get to my 20 week scan it all still feels very much in limbo? Even though I'm fairly certain all is okay (we've not long had a scan at 13.5 weeks and the midwife let me listen to the heartbeat last week at my appointment) it all still feels very much like a fantasy. When was it real for you? I suspect many of you will say there wasn't really a connection til much later (I'm not even really sporting a bump yet...just paunch...) but would be keen to find out if there was a point where it stopped just being a foetus inside you and actually became your child?

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WankbadgersBreakfast · 27/11/2012 16:26

Uhm. Probably when I was no longer unconcious/bleeding/in ambulances and could sit up, hold her, touch her and undress her to look at her tinyness, feed her and so on; so around 24 hours old.

Whilst I was pregnant, she was just this...yeah, an abstract fantasy. On an intellectual level, I understood that there would be a baby, and it would be very small and hard work but emotionally it was a cool bump named "Baby."

Maybe it's because I'm of a practical bent, maybe it's because I was 19 and broke.

Don't stress though- even if it takes a few weeks, you're going to love your baby.

Scroobius · 27/11/2012 16:28

I'm 25+5 today and still don't feel a 'connection'. I'm the same as you; excited about the baby that will be here but not in a 'I already know her' kind of way. I think this might partly be because I'm still thinking something's going to go wrong all the time though.

MrsBungleBear · 27/11/2012 16:34

I had no connection really until they were born (I have 2 DC's). I worried about it as I had so little connection to them. It all seemed surreal to me. I was protective and didn't 'dislike' them IYSWIM but I wasn't gushing with love about them.

For me, the minute they were born I got all the rush of love stuff (I know not everyone gets this but I did).

lookingfoxy · 27/11/2012 16:49

Probably after ds was born and even then I called him 'it' for ages
I don't feel connected to this one either and don't really expect to until after its born, it doesn't concern me as I know I will love it to bits when its here.
Outta sight outta mind

dieciocho · 27/11/2012 16:50

I'm 30 weeks now and I feel the same as badger did.
And I'm assuming I'll feel the same as Bungle when "it" (see?) arrives.

sundaesundae · 27/11/2012 16:52

I expect it won't come for me until the baby is on the outside. I am nearly 24 weeks so have a wriggly bump, but I can't even rationalise that as a baby moving.

We have purchased a car seat and it looks so odd.

SoYo · 27/11/2012 17:25

Thank you so much for starting this thread! I was starting to think it was just me and that I should feel so much more excited, just think I'm still kind of waiting for something to go wrong (ever the pessimist!). I'm not hating being pregnant and actually feeling 'it' move is nice but just very surreal!

YouHaveBeenOutbid · 27/11/2012 17:30

I think that's all normal! I don't think I really felt the connection until after the birth and after we'd got the hospital stay over with. Even after a 3d scan when I'd seen his face he still felt like an abstract idea! He must have been about 5 days old before I had the 'AAAAAaaahh I love you more than anyone/anything!' moment.

rrreow · 27/11/2012 20:56

When I was pregnant I felt like I connected with DS when I could feel him move, especially later on when it was more than just flutters. But then when he was born it was like he was a different person, one I didn't know at all. I was also exhausted as had not been sleeping much in week leading up to labour due to itching (3-5 hours a night, great preparation! Lol). So it took me a couple of days to connect with DS once he was born.

Don't worry too much about not feeling it at this point, it will come.

emsyj · 27/11/2012 21:03

When DD was first born, I didn't connect with her at all for ages - months, I would say. I had an email in the early days from a friend that talked about that feeling of being willing to die to protect your child and swelling with maternal love etc. I was just eh?? Until she was about a year old, then it hit me!

I'm now expecting DC2 (30+3) and feel a tiny bit more connected to this one, maybe because I now know what it's like to have a child? Maybe...

ghoulelocks · 27/11/2012 21:04

ummmm, shhh, when he was a few weeks old I first felt that rush of love. I had duty/ care before that and wanted the best, but it wasn't straight away that I truely loved and knew I'd never be without him.

Teapot13 · 27/11/2012 21:59

It took a few weeks for me. The birth was an ELCS (breech) so very civilized, but I didn't feel the rush of love or really any emotion except surprise and fear. When we were home my DM and MIL were both around, in addition to DH, who was on paternity leave, and I think it kept me from really learning how to take care of her myself. The two things went together, I think.

This time (24 weeks) I think it will be different -- even if I have another CS, I know what it is to have a baby, so I think I will be more emotionally involved from the start.

worsestershiresauce · 28/11/2012 13:32

I felt a strong connection when I saw her face on a 4D scan. It is like a photograph, she looks like a proper baby with her own features and personality. I'm not sure if this is a good thing and will be wary of 4D scans in future. It might be better to remain a little more detached until she is actually here.

RosannaBanana · 28/11/2012 13:39

With both my dc I felt quite close to them when pregnant in a way but it was very abstract. Then it took me a week or so after a traumatic birth and illness with DS to feel really bonded with him. With DD (elcs) it was instant strong bond and happiness, but with both the bond and love is still growing :)

3b1g · 28/11/2012 13:46

With DS1 I would say we 'bonded' when he was around 3 or 4 months. I had severe PND and he and I were both hospitalised for physical illness, so that complicated things. With DS2 it happened instantly, almost the moment he was born. With the twins, I felt much more connected to DD to start with than I did to DS3, but only for the first few weeks, then it evened up. Now they are older, I try to make an effort to spend time individually with each of them.

BellaTheGymnast · 28/11/2012 13:49

No connection for me at all until DD was a few weeks old. You have time yet.

xmasevebundle · 28/11/2012 15:05

This is first DC, around 25w i started full blown conversations with them! When i got bigger and saw/feeling him move i 'connected' more.

Saying what im doing that day, whats for dinner etc. Do love him although ive never met him. Its strange to say the least!

PeshwariNaan · 28/11/2012 16:25

It's all still really abstract to me, even though we saw her little face on the scan last week!

I feel protective and loving towards her, but we have a close relative who had a stillborn baby, so we are afraid to call her by name, etc. I don't think it's right (for us) to get attached before the birth is safely over.

Dogsmom · 28/11/2012 16:32

Glad I found this thread because I've been feeling enormous guilt for feeling quite detached, I'm getting questioned fron relatives about why I'm not excited etc but it all feels very surreal plus I only know a few people who've had babies and in those there's a high percentage who have had a stillborn or lost them at a few days old so I'm almost frightened to get too attached.

mrscog · 28/11/2012 17:02

Not until 2/3 hours after I had him when I was tucked up on the post natal ward with him and DH went home for a few hours sleep. It was lovely though, but don't worry about not feeling connected during pg :)

HowToChangeThis · 28/11/2012 18:42

About 6 months for me. I remember telling my mum when dd was 4mo that I didn't love her but I'd make sure she never knew that. From about 6mo I felt more connected and now I'd do anything for her. Looking back I can see I had PND.

I think it's normal to not feel connected during pregnancy. I'm due with dc2 and feel quite distant again now, not as badly as before but, still, I'm not worried. The love will come in time and in the meantime I'll meet all of the baby's needs, breastfeed, cuddle etc. it's just I do it because I should, not because I wan to.

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