Getting to hospital when the time comes

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

My husband wants to drive me when the time comes. I think he feels it's one of few responsibilities that are solely his as the father (can't drive myself). He plans to take 2 weeks off annual leave prior to due date to be around for this purpose.

But ...

I don't want him to drive me. I want to call an ambulance. There are several reasons for this. Firstly we live a long, long way from the nearest hospital (an hours drive). My first daughter took just 3 hours to arrive (20 years ago mind) and I am terrified of giving birth in the back of the car miles from anywhere. I was my mum's second and arrived in just 10 minutes, we have a family history of quick births.

Secondly, my husband is not a natural driver. The more stressed he is, the slower he drives to compensate. With wife just about to deliver and screaming in the back, I envision him driving at snails pace the whole way. Added to this, he has AS and when anxiety levels are high his judgment is not so good. I think he is really underestimating how anxious he is going to feel when the time comes. He was beside himself with anxiety when I had to go to hospital for a routine, minor operation. Labour and childbirth is a whole other category.

Everyone who knows him knows that he will fuss like a mother hen over me while I'm pregnant and afterwards and that I will be the most cared for new mum ever. But they have all expressed concern about letting him get behind the wheel.

Am I being really mean if I overrule him and insist on an ambulance?

Where do you live? Have you spoken to your midwife about this?

There are obviously exceptions but using an ambulance for labour feels a bit wrong..

An ambulance is for an emergency, not standard labour. Obviously call one if the baby is appearing after 10 mins, but otherwise can you not arrange for a friend or relation to drive you both? Or a taxi?

Slightly leftfield info that might not be helpful, but if you do use an ambulance they will take you to the nearest hospital with a maternity ward, according to my consultant. So if that isn't the one you're planning on going to, it don't help you anyway.

I don't think an ambulance would be appropriate either. In an emergency yes, but for a straight forward labour it would be better to make other arrangements. My DH is likely to be at work 2 hours away when I go into labour, so I have asked three friends who live nearby if they would mind being on a drivers list for me. I'm hoping one of the three will be in when the time comes.

I'm in Sweden and have no family here. Nearest person I know is half an hour way. Nearest taxi service is 45 minutes away and needs booking in advance. Nearest manned ambulance station is 2 minutes away.

I did ask the midwife. She said that labour is considered an emergency so I can call one free of charge (have to pay for non emergency ones here).

To be honest, I don't think you really can just get an ambulance for labour, unless there is a medical emergency - although, if you have a really quick labour and the baby suddenly appears, you will need one! Other than that, you actually won't be allowed to 'insist' on an ambulance.

You could get a taxi, though check with the firm beforehand that they wil take a labouring woman (some won't).

Good luck for your labour though, I know how worrying it can be (am pertrified of my second labout at the moment, hoping that I will get my head together by the time DD2 makes an apearance).

Next nearest person I know is 2 hours away. I have AS myself so don't have any friends around me.

X-post with everyone! If you are allowed to in Sweden, that is totally different.

If you are really worried about it, do it. Explain gently to your DH about your worries - hopefully he will understand that you are scared and agree that you need someone more confident behind the wheel to take you to hospital.

I still don't think I would be comfortable using an ambulance, but if you are allowed and it is your closest option, I can see why you would.

Gosh I'm really, really worried now. I admit I was hoping for some reasuring 'you're doing the right thing's. Off for a little hormonal cry :(

The system is so different that I think it is hard for us to comprehend, but if you would feel safer and better about things call the ambulance, it isn't worth the stress and your system allows for it.

Don't worry, try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and run the car out of petrol accidentally in your last few weeks :)

If midwife says it's OK then go for it.

What is Swedish policy on going overdue ? Don't let DP plan his hols on this basis, he may have used up all his leave and need to go back to work when you're still pregnant or when baby has just been born!

I think it's the same as the UK, 2 weeks and then intervention. He won't have to go back to work though, he gets 6 weeks annual leave (which he never uses normally) plus 420 parental leave days (at full pay). There are advantages to being pregnant in Sweden to counteract the negatives of being in the arse end of nowhere.

We don't any home visits after the birth either. Is it still 10 days midwife care and then health visitor in the UK? Here you get chucked out of hospital ASAP (6 hours later if they can get away with it) and then you're on you own. For health checks, weigh ins etc you have to go to them. There's no such thing as home visits here, even from doctors.

420 full pay parental leave days?! Really?! Best job ever!!

Statutory parental leave in Sweden is 480 days at 80% of salary. 60 days reserved for each parent and the rest to be divided as they see fit. The remaining 20% is dependent on employer and union agreement. Most employers are unionised so pay it.

I don't have a job at the moment (part time student/part time disability pension) so I can transfer all but 60 days of my parental leave to my husband as I'm home anyway. Although it does mean I lose out on the £18 per day parental benefit paid to people who don't work.

If you are scared about a really quick birth - how about a home birth?

How do those work in Sweden?

Am a bit about the ambulance responses here. We don't have a car and if I can't get a taxi I plan to call an ambulance. That's was our antenatal teacher told us to do with DD as well.

TwitchTail that's what I was thinking. My Swedish isn't very good so I'll get my daughter to look into it when she's here at the weekend.

I did have look at the website for the ambulance service in my old UK home town and it does say what people here have said. Labour is not an emergency and you should not call an ambulance. So I can see now where people are coming from. Although I am surprised. When I had my daughter in the UK 20 years ago, we were told that we were entitled to call one. We even had a rep from the ambulance service come and talk to us at the NHS ante-natal class so we wouldn't worry and be apprehensive about calling them.

If you are scared about a really quick birth - how about a home birth?

How do those work in Sweden?

To be honest, I don't know because I don't have good enough language skills to really understand everything. As far as I can tell from Swedish parenting websites it all 'baby born at nearest hospital'. I don't think I've read anything else (but I may have missed it). That said, you get a room a the hospital for the duration which is your room. You labour, deliver and stay in the same room and your partner can stay with you the whole time. I haven't visited yet but I hear they are like posh hotel rooms.

If you need to 'sugar the pill' with your DH, could you suggest that if you are labouring in the car you will need him to hold your hand, support you, possibly deliver the baby in the car, so it would be best if he wasn't driving and in the back with you, with someone else driving you.

Focus on needing him to be your birthing partner and he won't be able to do both that and drive...

Yes, in the UK ambulances are not meant to be used for routine transport, they are for use in an emergeny.

But if this is different in Sweden, then you should call one - you being relaxed will have a significant impact on your labour, so if you are happiest with this scenario then that is what you should do.