When is feeling low something to worry about?

[maximusminimus]

This is my second pregnancy (DS is 2.5 and I'm due in March).

The pregnancy is a bit of a miracle: I had major medical issues last year which we thought would leave me infertile. We conceived very easily though, and I think this led to me struggling to bond for a while: I just didn't believe it had happened so easily after all the negative predictions, and didn't dare believe it would stick. I'm still feeling low a lot of the time, and I don't understand why: a year ago I would have given anything to be pregnant (I burst into tears when we got the double stroller last week since there was a time I never thought I'd get to own one).

It just feels like everything is getting too much. I never let myself rest or relax (and then beat myself up at the end of the day for putting the baby at risk by doing so much), I dread going to see my doctor (am consultant led due to my medical issue last year) since I loathe tests, scans and hospitals (meaning that I also am dreading giving birth since I have to go into hospital for it - homebirth isn't a good idea) and the thought of all the visitors after the birth makes me want to cry (we live a long way from parents so they'll have to come and stay with us - my inlaws are hard work at the best of times..).

DH is great but works very long hours, so isn't around much. And I adore DS but she's really hard work at the moment, plus being physical with her all day adds to the exhaustion. We're going away this weekend and I just want to spend the whole time curled up in bed, hiding.

I should be so happy and thrilled that I'll be meeting our baby in 12 wks time, but I just feel down. Lots of my friends are announcing their pregnancies (all first time around) at the moment, and I just feel so jaded (and guilty for feeling so) in comparison to their excitement...

I don't feel I can talk to my doctor about this: he's not that kind of guy I don't think, plus his first comment on reading my history was how lucky I was to be pregnant again, so I dread to think of how ungrateful I'd sound...

Any advice? I've tried reading pregnancy magazines/websites and going into baby-stores etc to try to get more excited, but nothing seems to be working.

I think you need a new doctor in that case.

I have a history of depression and so was at high risk of antenatal depression and received pre-emptive counselling and monitoring with DC1. Fortunately I had no problems, but it's very common. It sounds like you could benefit from an assessment.

I'm sure you don't need me to remind you that having good things going on in you life (like a much-wanted pregnancy) doesn't protect you from depression any more than it protects you from breaking your leg. Mental health just doesn't work like that any more than physical health does. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone - would your midwife be an option?

I think pre-natal depression is a lot more common than people think. I agree, consider a different doctor or speak to your midwife. I have a history of anxiety and depression and when I had my booking in my midwife was incredibly supportive, offering me weekly appointments if I felt I needed them.
The other thing is you can be referred for counselling on the NHS. It sounds to me like you've been through an awful lot with your health and in some ways, this is an unexpected pregnancy. It's hard to come to terms with life when it doesn't turn out as you expected. Counselling might help you adjust.

To answer your question - I think feeling low is something to worry about when you can't shake it off. I've felt low at times (it's been a rough year for us!) but lately I'm brightened by a pretty sunset, or a day out. When those kind of things don't penetrate, or like you say you can't seem to stop (perhaps through a worry if you stop, you'll fall apart?) then something isn't right.

I hope you get the help you need.

I don't have any of your background or issues and I'm feeling very low at the moment. I have a DS (nearly 2) and am 27 weeks pregnant. I feel like crawling in a hole today. Partly I think it's tiredness, partly hormones, and partly just being fed up. I've had depression before and for me I don't think that's what's happening. Pregnancy is an odd time - you're excited about meeting the baby, but it's such a long way away and there's such a slog to get through before it happens that for me I feel it just all loses it's sheen and becomes a massive chore. I then feel guilty for not enjoying being pregnant. I often think I would like a break from pregnancy (without harming the baby of course!) just for a couple of days so I can feel normal and rest. I think part of my problem is something you also said you do - I try to carry on as normal and rush around the place and end up knackering myself. I can't accept that I have to take it easier, it pisses me off so much, but when I don't take it easy I really suffer for it. I am definitely looking forward to the baby but I am not excited in the slightest about the pregnancy. As for reading baby magazines - having done it all before it just reads like so much fluffy guff to me now. It's all very unrealistic.

Things to look out for that signal depression are:
Very negative thoughts such as "I wish I wasn't around any more," "I'm useless, a failure" etc.
Inability to get pleasure from things you normally enjoy
Consistently low or flat mood with very little respite. If you have a few good days then one very bad day followed by a few more good days it's more likely to be tiredness than depression.
Changes in your appetite (eating a lot more or a lot less - hard to track this one with pregnancy!) and in your sleep patterns (also a tough on in pregnancy).
Unexplained anxiety (not always present)
Catastrophising - believing that even a minor incident will have major consequences (e.g. bumping your car will cost you thousands)

Does any of that sound familiar?