Terrified of labour, first baby!!

[NewMrsH]

Hey,

Just wondering how everyone is feeling about labour?

Having never done it I'm terrified, especially as i know alot what can and may happen.

Im now 22 weeks and People have started giving me their experiences which is freaking me out!! The dreaded words 'tear' and 'cut' have been used a lot as well as ppl saying they got left alone??? I know they mean well but I'm so scared?

Xxxx

Hi, firstly congratulations! I really recommend yoga in pregnancy if you have a class nearby. I learnt some really valuable breathing & focussing techniques. The best advice I was given in try not to panic & stay in control as best you can.
There are many positive birth stories out there. I was knowingly in labour for under 2 hrs (in hosp & examined at 6cm).
Gas & air brilliant! As well as DH massaging my back & bringing water non-stop. I only have a minor tear which I didn't realise had happened even til afterwards.
Please don't be frightened, if everyone had awful experiences we'd have more 1 child families. People like to share horror stories as experiences like mine aren't so interesting.
Good luck, you will be great :-)

Midwives (2) never left the room btw... Poss cos it was so quick, but they were great.

I'm trying to stay positive. Labour does scare me but it is just something I have to get through to meet my baby. My best friend had a horrific time with her son, not helped by being 17 and labouring without a birth partner for almost forty hours. I am aware of her experience but I try not to dwell on it. i also remind myself that I will not be alone, I will have dp and my own mum there, and I'm not 17, I'm a confident adult and absolutely prepared to roar my head off for pain relief etc should I feel the need. I'll be in hospital already, should there be any complications.

My birth partners are calm people who love me and were all excited to meet the baby. I intend to practise some hypnobirthing techniques to stay as calm as possible, but ill have the drugs if I feel like panicking.

Incidentally my friends horrific labour hasn't put her off having 2 more and still being broody. Don't read bad birth stories, and when people tell you their ordeal take it with a pinch of salt! People love a good moan. Remember, labour is only a couple of days, maximum. Keep your eyes on the prize!

Congratulations!
I know its hard but try not to worry, approach pain relief like a ladder (if that is your choice) water is great even if just a bath at home when you first start, try to give gas an air a chance (I loved it).
I had a long labour lots of gas and air and diamorphine I won't lie it was painful but I was induced and I have been told this is more painful than natural labour. I gave birth to a gorgeous 9lb2oz boy and to be honest it was like really bad constipation at the end (TMI sorry).
Your body knows what to do and how to do it - it is rare that you can't and your docs and midwives will be aware of any issues before or during. My midwives left the room and even changed shifts but I didn't mind I knew they were close by and when I needed them there were more than enough people to help.
I had a tear but I didn't care and within 24 hours would have done it all again as your baby is worth it.
I imagined labour would be the most horrible experience of my life but wanted a child in the end my expectations were so bad I think anything would have been better so I found it manageable and it actually was the best day of my life. I might have to have a c section this pregnancy and I hope I don't as really want to experience labour and delivering a baby -the highs and lows again.
Good luck :)

Also to add to the lovely reassurances above, by the time you are 40 weeks pregnant you really won't care as long as the BABY COMES OUT and you can stop being pregnant!

[37.5 weeks and I'm already at this stage]

I have to agree with Mummyof3tobe. You will be desperate to give birth, and when you are in it, you are "in the zone" so to speak. You can also get painkillers.

Congratulations and all the best.

Ha ha yes by 37 weeks I was desperate for the baby to come out - pineapple, hot curry's the lot! Good luck x x

Read Childbirth Without Fear and anything by Sheila Kitzinger. Knowledge is power, and confidence makes birth much easier. Enjoy.

I think people always feel more compelled to write about bad experiences and those with good ones often don't bother. It's like on one born every minute - they rarely show the ones who just come in and pop one out as they are a bit boring for tv. We then talk up all the horrid bits ( like tearing etc)

That means you get the idea that it is going to bad, when it might not be.
Talk to your Mw and write things in your birth plan especially on what scares you.

Would also recommend looking into hypnobirthing

Im expecting my 1st in Feb and openly admit I am a wuss with a very low pain thresh hold and a fear of hospitals, I have only just started reading the "birth " bits online and in books BUT my theory is leave it to the experts, they know what they are doing, relax and take it as it comes, they'll look after you and have done it thousands of time before, us women have been doing it alot longer, yes we know its going to hurt but it'll be worth it when we meet our little bubs for the first time. I cannot wait bring it on !!!

Mine was lovely - really empowering

I remember feeling like you though.

I would recommend ante-natal yoga - a class not a DVD though. I used all the breathing and visualisations.

I would recommended a Tens machine. Make sure you practise putting on the electrodes and have extra electrodes as well as spare batteries. Put it on in early labour to build up endorphins.

Paracetamol. You'll laugh but it does work.

A flexible birth plan.

I really enjoyed the birth pool too.

My labour was 18 hours in total. 14 at home and 4 at hospital. I was 8cm when I got to hospital.

I would do it again joyfully!

Agree w PPs that you do often hear the "bad" stuff, as people with positive stories feel lucky and sometimes don't want to come across as smug. I really sympathise, I was scared before DS arrived but having been there, with a flexible "plan" tried to stay positive, found it whilst not a picnic, OK (and will do it again in 6 mths time, fingers crossed). It is terrifying, growing up as we do, being very unexposed to childbirth unlike in previous generations, and only seeing/hearing about the sensational ones (eg on OBEM).

I second those who say learn about it, be positive, and focus beyond: a bit like how it's not so much the wedding day that's important, but the marriage: one way or other that baby will come out, and labour/childbirth is at most a day or two in the rest of your lives.

I think the horror stories are useful in a way - they can't all happen to you and knowledge is power so at least you know what might happen. I am still pretty scared if it, but as others have said - it's a means to an end, and it will end, and it'll be the best result ever!

Advice I am taking on board from others:
if you tear you won't know about it at the time
the pain is supposed to be there - it means everything is happening - it's sort of a good pain
as soon as I hit 4cm I'm going to scream bloody murder until I get an epidural

Agree with other posters - key things:

Read, read and read some more- Sheila Kitzinger, Ina May Gaskin and Hypnobirthing all give more positive accounts of labour. The more you know about how your body works, the more you can trust it and go with it.

STAND UP - (sorry- I get a bit shouty about this part sometimes). Expecting that your body will push out a baby while you lie down is madness. The worst pain I had while in labour (twice) was lying down for internal examinations (one in each birth). Use gravity- walk, bounce on a ball, rock your hips. You are not designed to just lie there- it means a longer, more painful birth. If you have to be hooked up to machines, then make it clear you still want to be able to move throughout the labour.

Labour is only a day or two out of your whole life. Every contraction will get you closer to your baby and if you stay mobile you are much less likely to need to be cut. If you tear, you won't feel it till afterwards, and a tear heals much faster than a cut.

Trust yourself.

I agree about birth ball. I used it loads before and during labour.

I agree about tearing. I had no idea till the midwife told me. Didn't feel anything when it happened.

If you are like me then fear is good. Terror is better. Nothing on the planet could be has horrific as what as was imagining. Actual labour and birth was relatively easy by comparison. :o

• as horrific as what I was imagining (bout of illiteracy there)

Ooh Yy to the standing up, I did that with DS right til the last 30 mins and I'm sure it helped. In our antenatal class the MW recommended on all fours too.

It will end and the baby always comes out eventually: I think it's easy to forget that in the midst of it all.

When it starts, you won't care!

Remember that you can have an epidural too if you feel that you can't manage the pain. I had to have one because I had an emergency c section, and it was completely fine, I didn't feel a thing when they gave me the injection. It's one of these things that sounds terrifying, but is actually fine.

Also, I was like you - terrified of giving birth - and then I ended up having a c section without experiencing a single contraction, so I spent all that time worrying for nothing . Just put your trust in the midwives and doctors, they'll carry you through it.

You'll be fine. Just make sure you understand all the pain relief options and prepare your birth partners so they can take charge and ask for you if necessary. IME hospitals don't offer pain relief, you'll have to request it. It's not the most fun way to spend your day (although some posters may disagree!) but the feeling of elation afterwards is absolutely worth it.

As PPs have said, look into hypnobirthing - IMO it is a brilliant technique for remaining calm and focused, and allowing labour to progress as easily as possible (you can read all about the fear - tension - pain cycle which can inhibit labour).

My birth story might sound terrifying to some (prem birth, epidural resulting in episiotomy and forceps delivery) but I found the experience quite empowering. I had the epidural because I couldn't manage the pain anymore (hadn't slept for 56 hours so I was knackered), although the anaesthetist tried to persuade me I didn't really need it as I was being so quiet! I cried and he gave in

When they said I would need forceps, I was disappointed, but in the end it is all about getting the baby out as safely as possible, and it really wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.

So my best advice is stay calm and open minded Good luck!

I would recommend hypnobirthing too. You can go on a course but I just listened to the cd. Every time i felt nervous I'd listen to it and it would calm me down and give me conifence again.

I really do think it contributed to my straightforward labour and birth

I would say just be open to absolutely anything happening and trust your body. I ended up having the exact opposite experience to what I had planned but it was fine! It's easy to say I want this and that and we're told the supposed best way to birth but everybody is different. For example I was adamant I wanted to be up and walking/bouncing as somebody up thread suggested - but the reality was o was more comfortable sat bolt upright on the bed. We tried every possible position but they just made the pain worse so it wasn't happening. was made to feel guilty by the head midwife who came in several times and told my midwife I needed to be up and off the bed - in the end she told her quite firmly that I was in the best place for me and couldn't get up... Love her! Would also suggest hypnobirthing. I didn't get my hypno water birth, but found it helpful to change the way I viewed labour beforehand and managed 4 hours on syntocinon drip using the breathing and TENS which I'm quite proud of! After that, epidural all the way - really didn't want one but it was the best decision I made. Good luck OP you can do it!!!