sudden panic about parenting

[Elvisrules]

okay so am hoping other people out there feel like this or am going to look awful!
I'm 36 weeks and the enormity of everything has just dawned on me. I've gotten very used to being pregnant, and I think, very used to the idea of having a baby, and now it seems that it has just dawned on me that actually I'm not having a baby, I'm having a child who will ultimately be 8, then 12, then 17 (and then even 40, then 60)... and it just suddenly seems HUGE.
I would like to say, I'm not stupid, I did think this through before, I have seen my glorious nephews grow to teenagerhood and so I do know, I think just somewhere along the line of pregnancy I've gotten focused on the little one, and now suddenly am freaked out by the thought of the school gates, and homework (I can't even do long multiplication), making fancy dress costumes (am inept), looking after other people's children for playdates, driving to extra curricular activities (can't even drive yet), having to deal with bullying, sexualisation, insecurity, and get all that right, and not say the wrong thing that will stick with my child forever.
Am thinking its just impossible not to mess up, and I'm doubting I have the energy and work ethic, after all I currently spend large portions of my days off sitting around on the sofa watching Columbo and sacking off social interaction if I dont feel like it, and suddenly that's all going to go, and life is going to be non-stop.
I thought, when planning to get pregnant, that I was so ready to give up the selfishness, and now I'm petrified that I'm not. And I guess I worry I will say that thing that will be the wrong thing for my child, that will stay with them, scar them. And most of all I'm worried about the potential for tragedy, losing our child at some point, a terrible accident or something with their health.
It's all just hit me a bit I think.
Am I a terrible mother for all this? I know it's awful to be thinking like this - I feel guilty for even typing it.
Please tell me others recognise some of it at least.

This is totally normal - I feel like this too and my baby is a month old now! It's such an enormous daunting task but in reality you just have to take each day as it comes.

It is normal. Very normal because the enormity suddenly hits you and you become aware you cannot control everything ! There's a new life coming and you are clueless to what they will turn out.

Don't set yourself up with high expectations especially when a baby becauses it's tougher when your baby doesn't sleep, eat, or screams 10hrs a day etc. They are individuals and you can help them but babies don't read the baby books and if they did they'd be obtuse just for fun .

Enjoy the journey. The highs and lows.

Try to keep in mind that it's the most amazing thing but it had been done before and that's handy cos then there's a wealth of experience to tap into.

Completely normal and something most, if not all, parents-to-be have gone through!! In fact, I remember when my DD (now 19) was 2. We were just walking home from the shops and it suddenly hit me....Oh My God!! I am a mum!!

Now, I also have a DS (4.5) and am 6 weeks pregnant with no3....can't be too bad!!

I still feel like this at times and I have 2 DC (3.7 and 21 months) and another on the way so it hasn't put me off having DC!

Having children is like having your heart wandering around everywhere - I feel so vulnerable sometimes and worry about doing/saying the right things and all the other things you mentioned.

I think when your DC is here you'll just get on with it - you'll still feel like this at times but it won't feel as overwhelming.

Good advice from pancakeflipper about enjoying the journey, the highs and the lows.

I am 38+4 and could have written your post myself, OP. in fact I was lying in bed this morning unable to sleep, thinking something unhelpful along the lines of "oh my fucking god, what the hell have we done??".

This wa very much a planned pregnancy, have been with DH 6 years, in early 30s, financially secure blah blah blah...on paper there's no reason not to expect that we are in a perfect position to start a family. But now I think about it, I am terrified about what life is going to be like when baby arrives. And when he's a terrible-two. And a rambunctious 10 year old. And a Kevin and Perry-esque teenager.

Gaaaah - what have we done!! I liked my life!!

But at te same time as feeling this utter panic, I am also really excited about having my first ever cuddle with our little boy, and passing him to his dad, and smelling his skin etc etc etc...I find if I focus on these little things rather than lookin at the big picture makes it a bit easier to stay calm.

Maybe that's what the more experienced mums above mean by taking it one day at a time??

Good luck! I am sure you're going to be a wonderful mum.

(Oh and I can't really cook, sew on a button and have a tendency to swear like a sailor...I am not sure that putting ourselves under pressure to be some sort of perfect Stepford Wife style mum is a good idea, or even really something cool to aim for...just be yourself!)

A good piece of advice I was given was: don't worry about anything more than six months away (baby/child wise at any rate...).

Oh my god! I so want to say something supportive, but all I can think is that one the wriggly baby in my tummy is going to be AN OLD MAN.

It's both terrifying and amazing. I want to hide under the bed now

Okay, take a deep breath and relax. Yes, you're going to have a child who will grow up - but it happens pretty slowly - slowly enough for you to gradually get your head around the different stages. For now, you're going to have a baby and your baby will be a baby for a while yet. S/he won't be going to school until s/he is four (nearly five, in fact, given a December birthday), so I really wouldn't get ahead of yourself. It's easy to get panicked about stages that are still years away, but you'll have quite enough to worry about with a baby, so just focus on that for now. Honestly! Having kids is anxiety-inducing on many levels, so try to just worry about the here and now.

No one's good at it all, the important thing is to love your child and try to do your best by them. And pick stuff up as you go along. Talk to people around you, and ask MN for advice.

You've got plenty of time to learn long multiplication and you can buy fancy dress costumes. I would recommend prioritising learning how to drive if you've got the finances, that will be invaluable at all stages.

I'm very lazy and knew absolutely nothing about babies. My DS is now 3 and doing fine. He's got a childminder, goes to pre-school, we're in the middle of primary school applications. He eats solids, sleeps through the night in a proper bed and is potty trained. Despite knowing bog all before we started, we still managed to muddle through, so I'm reasonably confident that the rest will be ok, and if it's not, I'll ask for help.

Well, the very fact you are worrying about all of this means that you will be a great mum.

You don't have to deal with all of these things now, they come along gradually and you will be learning all the time. One challenge at a time, easy peasy kind of.

And there's always mumsnet when you need some back up

Perfectly normal. I went through the same thoughts and I still do from time to time DS is 2.5 and a joy to be around a- natters, sings, fights, throws tantrums, gives sloppy kisses..
It's hard work. You will have less time for non baby related Trivia.
Have faith in your ability to love (like never before) and care (to the point of paranoia -and back).
Don't ever compare your child to any other.
Don't discount instinct - it works and us useful.
Stay connected and ask for help and advice whenever you want some. Chances are someone has been through (and survived) whatever you are going through.

It's an incredible journey, you will learn all the time. Sometimes I feel like a celebrity manager - planning, driving, entertaining, keeping notes on whims and fancies, anticipating trouble, bring tuned to needs and wants and bring supportive at all times!!!

You will be fine. You won't forget the life you had pre-baby. But you won't want to revert back to it either. Cobweb thin Steel wires of love will bind you together get ready to be bound.

And good advice about not worrying about anything more than 6 months away. One step at a time!

And...congratulations!!!

Mine are 12 and 16 - if anybody had just left a 12 and 16 year old with me I'd have been clueless, but they're not random teenagers, they're the same children they've always been. Except they've gradually got bigger and hairier (well DS anyway, lol).

When I went into labour with my DD - the 12 yr old, I remember telling my DP that I'd changed my mind, I didn't want another baby and why had he let me have another one when one was hard enough? The thought of having another child absolutely terrified me - it went away, you'll be fine.

I'm another one that could have written your post, but as brainonastick said, I am trying to think that worrying about these things means we care about being good parents - and that's positive, right?

I'm the youngest in my family - never changed a nappy, never really had to worry about anyone else, never even babysat properly. My DH and I have an easy, happy life at the moment where the most difficult part of the day is usually deciding what we're going to eat for dinner. I'm inherently lazy and have got through life relying on being fairly bright rather than working hard. I'm petrified! But also incredibly excited.

Hi everybody
I am so relieved! It gives me a vast amount of comfort to know I am not alone and to those of you who said you could have written the post - hopefully it helped me saying it!
I was half expecting people to think it was a shocking and ungrateful and unmotherly post so am highly relieved and thankful that people didnt take it that way.
all your words of wisdom and practical advice have helped the panic pass and made me feel like I can breathe again. One day at a time it is.
Sorry for the old man panic - but yep it's weird isnt it, one day they will be retirement age and looking after us, sorting our nappies etc... bonkers thought!