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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When / how did you tell your child(ren) about new baby coming?

21 replies

Sparklemum · 06/01/2004 21:03

Hi, I'm expecting a new baby in June and was wondering how to involve my 2 yr old DD in the process. I want her to be included in it all but I don't want to bore or overwhelm her either! Any tips on what stage to tell her and how to tell her? Thanks!

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expatkat · 06/01/2004 21:35

Congratulations, sparklemum. Does Dd have any friends who have acquired a new brother or sister recently? If so, you can tell her the "story" of so-and-so's new brother or sister. 2-year-olds love repetition, so you can tell her everyday how so-and-so's mummy got a baby in her tummy and the baby grew bigger & bigger, and so the tummy grew bigger & bigger until OUT popped the baby. And then apply the story to yourself, referring to your unborn baby as "dd's baby" not yours as that can make her feel more involved. That's what I did with ds (the same age as your dd when I was pregnant with no 2) & it worked well. Now is probably a good time to start.

I don't recommend anything too technical. Ds was bored by the science museum's exhibition on human gestation & birth. I think books would have gone above his head too. The best thing was simply talking to him about it.

Angeliz · 06/01/2004 21:37

i have no answers as i only have my dd but am hoping for another this year so i'll be checking in! I know what you mean about boring her, i don't want to talk about even "thinking" about it too much infront of ddHope you get some good advice

popsycal · 06/01/2004 21:39

you can get story books
try amazon

stupidgirl · 06/01/2004 22:09

Personally I would leave it a while yet. Little ones are notoriously impatient and the time between now and June will seem like a lifetime to your dd.

JanH · 06/01/2004 22:13

When dd2 was on the way I found that dd1 (who was just 3 when she was born) had already picked up from my conversations what was going on - once I tried to "tell her" I found out! So I agree with "stupidgirl" (honestly, anais, I liked your first name best, why don't you go back to that?) leave it for another month or 2 (or 3) and by then you may find she's already twigged and you just need to discuss the details.

Congratulations anyway, sparklemum, it is an exciting time!

twiglett · 06/01/2004 22:41

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StressyHead · 06/01/2004 22:47

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suzywong · 06/01/2004 23:36

agree with stupidgirl
wait until you can't lift them or have a tangible (in their world) reason for telling them things have changed. They don't really get it until you disappear in to labour anyway

Original poster

Sparklemum · 07/01/2004 13:29

Thanks for the quick responses and congrats!

A friend of mine told her DD very early in the pregnancy and she is now bored with the idea. I don't suppose this really matters in the long run though.

Others have smaller gaps between children so the first one was too young to be that aware anyway.

My DD is very 'knowing' (aren't they all!) so I want to be honest with her. I like your story Stressyhead Thankfully DD isn't that 'knowing' yet!

I'll try your advice, Expatkat, as a friend is having her second baby any day.

I'll also try books, Popsycal, although the ones I've seen (and this probably sounds a bit daft)show the mummy as very heavily pregnant so I was wondering if the general concensus was to leave telling the older child until later in pregnancy.

I don't know if any of you guys felt this but I'm actually a bit nervous about telling DD in case she's upset by it. I'm sure she won't be, but I guess it's linked to my own feeling that I'm slightly betraying her by having another baby! Silly, I know

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dot1 · 07/01/2004 13:45

not silly at all Sparklemum - I feel v. guilty that we're just about to alter ds's (he's 2) lovely life forever...we've been mentioning baby for a while, and he's not happy - doesn't touch the bump and when we start talking about it he says "all gone", which is his standard phrase for go away/don't want it/not happy....

I'm hoping that if baby buys him something Thomas the Tank Engine related, he'll be a bit happier - he's completely train obsessed at the moment so a bit of bribery may do the trick..!

manna · 07/01/2004 13:52

my ds is 25 months, and I'm 6 months pregnant. We told him almost straight away, and used a friends more advanced pregnancy plus new babies on the scene to reinforce the story. He talks to the baby through my tummy button, pretends he's got a baby in his tummy, and keeps on saying 'hello little brother and sister, come out now!!' Very cute, but having said that he may get bored by 9mths, but I have to explain why I can't pick him up etc, and why he can't jump on mummy's tummy anymore! I found the hardest thing to explain was the fact that it could be a boy or a girl but we don't know yet, and then what to call the baby after that.

codswallop · 07/01/2004 13:53

theres a house inside my MUmmy is funny

Original poster

Sparklemum · 09/01/2004 20:54

Told DD tonight in the bath about new baby coming. She seemed to take it well and said 'hello baby' through my tummy button when I encouraged her.

I would have waited longer to talk to her about it, as some of you advised, but people kept asking her what was in my tummy as if she already knew, so I thought I'd better get her on board!

Thanks for telling me that I'm not silly for feeling guilty Dot1! Congrats to you on your preg. - I read the May thread last night and followed your story.

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M2T · 09/01/2004 21:26

Hiya Sparklemum - I am only 10wks pregnant and my ds (2.7ys) is already talking about the baby in Mummy's tummy. We talk about 'it' a lot and he demands to see the pictures in the pregnancy books of the baby actually in Mummy's tummy!

We talk about when 'it' is ready to be born he is going to teach 'it' how to take its bottle and is going to help change nappies. Bless...... he has no idea what he's in for!

Original poster

Sparklemum · 09/01/2004 21:50

Hi MT2. Congrats on your new pregnancy! Bless your DS - he sounds very bright and interested!

DD is only 2.1 yrs so I guess we can work up to the sort of detail you describe as she gets older!

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Linnet · 09/01/2004 23:25

I'm due in May and we told our dd, she's 6, and the rest of our friends and family on Christmas day when I was 20 weeks.

WE gave our dd a present and told her it was from the baby and showed her the scan picture and explained that the baby was in mummy's tummy.

to be honest at the time I think she was more interested in the present but is quite happy with the idea and is very insistant that it's going to be a girl. We actually know the sex of the baby but we aren't telling anyone so we've just said that we'll have to wait and see.

bea · 11/01/2004 09:26

dd is 2 half and asks now and again 'is the baby coming out today?' it's great as well because now she thinks she has a baby in her tum, same as mum and that dad has just got a 'big fat tum' (ha! ha!)

we encourage 'positive' thoughts by asking her is she going to do lots of helping with the baby when it comes out (she likes hindering... er helping!) and she can help change nappies etc etc... and help make the baby laugh etc. we've got lots of friends at the moment with babies so she's used to having them around and likes holding them etc... so fingers crossed she won't want to put the babe in the bin (which is what one friend told me what another friends child told her about!!!)

we told her from about 20 weeks (although we thought it was 12 weeks!!! - long story! ) and she's been quite happy with the idea however quite apprehensive whne the actual baby will be here as like dot1, her contented little life (i.e. me, me, me!) will be lost forever!

motherinferior · 11/01/2004 17:26

Don't worry too much about ruining lives - it really may not happen. I worried TERRIBLY about dd1 because I remember my sister being born when I was 3, and how I minded for the best part of the next decade; however, dd1 got increasingly excited about her 'bebbysista' as she insisted it would be...and since bebbysisa (phew!) did arrive six months ago she's had her off moments but really, she's been amazing. It's so touching watching the two of them together

musica · 11/01/2004 17:43

Don't worry too much about jealousy etc. Ds is 2 years older than dd, and adores her. He has had not 1 iota of jealousy so far. Of course this may change when she wants his toys, but that's a different issue I think.

We got ds to kiss my tummy goodnight, along with Mummy and Daddy, so that he felt 'baby' was part of the family. As lots of our friends were also having/just had babies, he had some sort of idea what was happening, and got very 'into' babies. He also liked 'playing' baby with a teletubby (changing nappies etc.) which helped him get an idea of what was about to happen. And he has watched the odd programme on Discovery Health...

Cavy · 11/01/2004 17:56

HI Sparklemum -- you should come join us on the June 04 thread.
My DD is 2yo and doesn't seem to understand that I'm growing a baby at all... although my 4yo son does. I'm so amazed that some children, barely 2yo, get the idea already.
I think part of the reason my son was never very jealous was because we made his baby sister his baby too, right from birth. We always called her "Your baby". He is still very protective of her. I sometimes left the baby crying to take care of my son, too. So maybe that showed him that I could and would take turns taking care of both of them... Otherwise it's very tempting to always ask the older child to wait.

Original poster

Sparklemum · 11/01/2004 20:49

Thanks for all your tips! DD has responded well so far to the news and I will keep all of your tips on board!

I will join you on the June board, thanks Cavy. I have been reading it but I've not got round to jumping in yet.

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