Surprise 3rd baby - apprehensive about telling husband

[Moominmama13]

Hi, here is my story, I'm 38, have 2 dd's aged 4.5 & 3. Gorgeous girls, very spirited and demanding. I've just found out am pregnant with 3rd, although not sure how far along I am as conceived whilst on cerazette (pop). Very anxious about telling my DH as he has told me so many times that our family is complete with our two girls. We went through a similar situation 2 years ago when a condom failed, I agreed to a termination as my youngest was only 6 months at the time and I was really struggling with her. I don't regret my decision but sometimes wonder what if I hadn't caved in to the pressure. My husband is a wonderful man and would do anything for anyone, my question is how can I tell him when I know he will be so disappointed and his reaction will be to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of the family and our relationship. I'm in denial that this is happening again and have told no-one. Any advice great fully received. Thanks for listening.

oh goodness didn't want to leave your post unanswered. i havent been in your situation so cant offer any first hand experience but you do really need to talk to someone - especially to get a dating scan booked so that you can be aware of the options that you have.

as for your DH - well without sounding harsh, if he was so sure that your family was now complete he should have taken action to ensure that another pg didnt occur, especially given that you had a termination 2 years ago, which from your post seems to make you feel a bit sad? i think that you need to tell him - he may be shocked at first but after that his reaction may surprise you?

it is a bit of a cliche i know but only you can decide whats right for you and your family. the sooner you find out exactly how pregnant you are the sooner you can think about what you would like to do. what would YOU like to do?

hopefully there will be someone more useful than me along with some advice in a bit.

make sure you look after yourself

I was in a similar situation in May but different. I'm 38, 2DD, 8 & 5, very surprise 3rd pregnancy. Anxious telling DH as we weren't planning any more. But he surprised me & has been over the moon. BTW both my girls are very spirited & demanding too. He might surprise you. I hope he does. Good luck.

Oh, you poor thing! I would be anxious too.

I would get a dating scan ASAP, find out how far along you are, then it might make it a little easier. Do YOU want another baby? I'm on the side of PP - if H thought his family was complete he should've got the snip.

Hi just wanted to post that hope you've had a less anxious day today and your dh has been supportive.

I went through this just over a month ago. I'm 36 with 2 DSs (aged 9 and 4). DS2 is a massive handful, I'm a childminder who'd just taken on 6 new children in the last month before finding out and dh (51) had said ages ago that our family was complete and although I'd love another one, I agreed our family was complete as I find it hard with Ds2 as it is, we're struggling with bad debt etc. Well just over a month ago (dh out of work), I tested whilst dh was taking the boys to school (my day off) and I fell to pieces in shock. I panicked about telling dh as I thought he'd hit the roof (even though he was supposed to get done and it's not my fault the condom split!). When he got back from school he asked what was wrong (as I'd been crying lots and he could tell) and I told him to sit down then burst into tears again and told him. I was shocked that he didn't hit the roof and in fact he laughed and said 'I guess we were meant to have 3 after all'. He knew I wouldn't do anything but keep it (for many reasons including the fact I terminated at 16 and it took me years to get over that - we're all different). This hasn't just been a big shock but has meant our whole lives will have to change as our boys will have to move into the same room and therefore my childminding playroom with have to be for them ( no room for all their toys in the bedroom) so this will be the end of my childminding business (after 7 and half years). But we're both ok about it now and actually in a funny way quite excited. I honestly believe in things happening for a reason :)

I think you should just be honest with him, he may surprise you. How do YOU feel about it? Good luck whatever you decide as I know how hard it is dealing with the shock/panic x

Thank you all so much. Today has been overwhelming for me. Awful morning sickness, anxious about seeing DH tonight. Have doc appt in the morning as heeding advice and getting a scan to see where I am at. DH has extremely pressured job, rarely home before 9pm, out again following morning at 6.30am. I just don't think I can do this alone... And whatever decision we come too I want it to be a joint decision, not either one of us pressuring the other as that is going to lead to very unhappy times. As I type this my dd's are fighting again!!! Will let you know how I get on.

Good luck :)

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. My partner wanted a termination but I couldn't bring myself to have one as I actually really wanted the baby - we went to counselling and worked it out - it took a lot of working out! I think the situation made our relationship better, eventually!
Good luck

Have you told him? Hope you are okay.

Hi, I could not read and run, I hope that today you got some answers as to how far along you are. Could you leave it to the weekend to talk with your oh when he is less tired ? It is such a hard place to be and nobody can make that decision for you, can you get in touch with some counselling service that could give you advice ? I do agree that if he was that set on not having anymore he would have had the snip.

I hope that you're feeling a bit better now and that you've had time to come to terms with this. I'm sure that you'll feel better just getting it out in the open with DH instead of carrying all of this stress around. The anticipation of the conversation could well be worse than the conversation itself.
Take care now x

Thanks everyone. Wrongly or rightly I have decided to give myself some time to make a decision for myself about how I want to proceed. I want to be clear when I finally find the time to talk to DH. I know it will eventually be choice we make together but at least if I have a sound reason then I am better placed when I talk to him. Gosh sounds like I hardly know him, you wouldn't think we've been married for years. BTW secretly I'm getting quite used to the idea of being pregnant again. Thanks for listening, it really does help x

Glad you are ok. What you're doing sounds very sensible - getting all your thoughts together in your own mind before you speak to dh. hopefully when the time comes for that conversation it will not be as bad as you are fearing. glad you are getting used to the idea, you will have a lovely age gap!

Yes, I think your approach is a sensible one. Good idea to go into the conversation knowing how you feel.

Im currently 22 weeks pregnant. Though with baby no 6. My partner wanted me to terminate but I just couldnt do it. He was furious and has treated me badly all the way through. He walked out on me almost two weeks ago. Hope it all works out for you x

I didnt want to worry you im sure it will all be fine. X

Moomin:
You are me!!! I have been going through exactly the same as you. I discovered I am pg last week. My DH really didn't want another. I have 2 DC 6 and 4 and they are also a handful.

I thought I would wait to tell him, but we have so many other stresses on Thursday night I just broke down and I was crying uncontrollably. He knew something serious was up. I found it so hard to tell him, he had to say the words in the end for me. Anyway he was lovely about it all, we just hugged and talked for a while. He admits it is not how he wanted things to be. We have not really talked much about it since.

I am in denial. I keep thinking I am going to miscarry. I can't believe it is really going to happen. I have a doc appointment tomorrow. I would love it if I could get a early scan just to see if everything is okay, I can't see how I am going to get through the next 7 weeks until a scan date.

Also, just found I have a job interview, should I go? Not sure what to do!!!

Moomin:
You are me!!! I have been going through exactly the same as you. I discovered I am pg last week. My DH really didn't want another. I have 2 DC 6 and 4 and they are also a handful.

I thought I would wait to tell him, but we have so many other stresses on Thursday night I just broke down and I was crying uncontrollably. He knew something serious was up. I found it so hard to tell him, he had to say the words in the end for me. Anyway he was lovely about it all, we just hugged and talked for a while. He admits it is not how he wanted things to be. We have not really talked much about it since.

I am in denial. I keep thinking I am going to miscarry. I can't believe it is really going to happen. I have a doc appointment tomorrow. I would love it if I could get a early scan just to see if everything is okay, I can't see how I am going to get through the next 7 weeks until a scan date.

Also, just found I have a job interview, should I go? Not sure what to do!!!