Worried due to social services.

[Graciegirl17]

I went to see my midwife for the first time today I am 9 weeks pregnant, when asked about illegal drugs I decided to be honest and said my partner does cocaine socially once a month. He has two other children. I am so worried that social services will contact me or him and stop him seein his other children. I wish I had lied. We are both professionals and there is no harm.

What did the mw say when you told her this?

I disagree with you about the no harm part btw.

She didnt say anythin. Just said it was a strong drug. And asked when he saw his other children. I'm so worried

Have you got your maternity notes? Has she written anything about it in them?
TBH I really don't think she will ring ss for this. Maybe don't be quite so honest in the future.

She wrote it in my notes that is what is stressin me. I wish I wasn't so honest but I don't know how to solve the situation now

Do you have the notes on you? Can you lose them?

I think it is an issue that should be addressed though.

I can't loose them, they are at the hospital. I thought about tip ex in them out but won't they type them on the system? I'm so worried

I would mention it at your next midwife appointment. Say you were being honest but you have nothing to hide etc. There concern is for you and the baby and as you aren't using then I would say it wouldn't go any further.

If he is always able to care for his children and hasn't incapacitated himself due to drug use, I cant see child protection getting het up. There is much worse out there they have to deal with.

But it isn't great. Is it really once a month? How does he know what he is taking is safe? Does he have a trusted supplier or does he buy off random criminals?

This raises concerns because it nearly always goes hand in hand with other more serious problems. All the 'recreational' drug users I know either stopped in their 30s, because their bodies just couldn't take it, or their lives went gradually down the toilet.

I just hope that it doesn't go any further. Because he is no threat. I will say at my next appointment even tho it isn't untill January. I will just say I was Bein honest but it isn't any danger.

I don't think she will report you to SS, personally

However usually with drugs people will not admit to how much they REALLY use, so if she assumed you said once a month but really it's much more than that she would be concerned.

I can't remember a question relating my my partner's drug / alcohol use though so not sure whey she asked you that?

You can't 'tipp-ex' out the reports as try are imputed into a computer after.

I can't say if SS won't make a call but I think you should think about what you are surrounding your child with!

Sorry, but its not something to brush off an make out its ok because it's only once a month!!!!!!!

Or because you are both 'professional'

Why on earth did you think that when it came to illegal drugs, honesty is the best policy?! ILLEGAL.

I think you did the right thing being honest, the questions are there for a reason, imagine at some point you are taken to hospital as an emergency and it coincides with the day your partner is high on cocaine, the people who deal with you, and subsequently meet him, should be aware that he is a drug user.

If anyone does contact you though it'd be to offer you help and support, they wouldn't just say he can't see his kids unless they had evidence the drug taking was detrimental to them.

If your worried about SS you know how wrong what he's doing is so why on earth would you allow him to father another child?

Condoning illegal drugs really is not a sign of good parents, just because you are professional, its no better than the local chavs skinning up a splif.

I don't think you can go back on this as if it's like here it's computerised. I just had my booking appointment yesterday and when the midwife asked me this I asked her if people ever said yes and they get people admitting to taking heroin and everything (the mothers to be) so I'd say they wouldn't be too concerned about what you've told them - and I would think it is good to be honest, you have nothing to hide now. Try to relax about it x

The problem isn't that you were honest. Its that your oh gets high once a month. And it's not ok just because your 'professionals'.

I have seen plenty of professionals go off the deep end because of drug use.

My foster sister is a heroin addict and her midwife knew this. Her baby wasn't taken away at birth even though it bloody well should have been in my opinion The baby was taken away from her when it was about 2 because the drug use escalated.

Please don't allow drug use to be normalised in your family. If your DP's drug use is not a big deal it won't be a big deal for him to stop doing it.

I know of someone fitting your partner's description who was caught in a police sting operation in a trendy city centre bar. Because of his profession the judge decided to make an example of him, he lost his job and was sent to jail. How would you pay the mortgage? Tell your boyfriend he needs to knock the drugs on the head now, there is too much at stake.

I agree with the other posters. What you should be worried about is that the father of your child uses cocaine, an illegal drug, on a regular basis.

The fact that you are professionals means F all. An unemployed parent who uses cocaine and a professional parent who uses cocaine are both using an illegal drug.

So if your baby got a good job when he/she grows up and then takes heroin once a month you will be ok with that because they are a 'professional'? And dont even think about saying they are completely different - they are both Class A, addictive, ILLEGAL substances. I think it is disgusting that you are bringing a child into the world around drugs and trying to normalise that because you are both "professionals". Do you really think that is a good example to set your child and your partners other 2 children? This may sound harsh, and people might not like it, but you deserve to be scared the social will come knocking. What if your partner anorts a dodgy line and ends up brain damaged? Try explaining that to your children. Dont say it doesnt happen because it happened to someone i know. And now their children have a brain damaged father all because he wanted a few lines at the weekend.

I doubt ss will contact you but perhaps next time you may not want to be quite so honest in your answers.

I'm a little bit surprised about some of the strong reactions here and in my opinion a bit of perspective is needed. Lots of parents knowingly do dangerous, potentially life threatening things in their free time, some of them legal (e.g. horse riding) and some illegal (e.g. speeding on a motorbike on public roads). Yes, those activities may end up injuring/damaging them, killing them or put them in prison but that is the risk they choose to take. As long as you are happy with the choices your partner makes and the risk and potential consequences that brings him and you, taking into account the additional responsibilities you both have as parents to care for your children, IMO it's your choice to make, as long as your children are not directly put at risk of harm by those activities. If not, you will need to have a serious discussion with your partner.

My DH and I used to take part in lots of dangerous activities before we had DCs but these days choose very carefully, never do them at the same time (acknowledging the risk of serious injury or death involved) and never, ever put our DCs at risk.

I have deliberately not used drug use as an example above but IMO many parents' alcohol use (though perfectly legal) can be equally, if not more, dangerous and damaging to children, yet appears to be much more accepted.

I don't think social services will be too worried but with it being on record if he is acting odd they may attribute it to this and look closer. The social services have their hands full enough with people on the streets and mothers trying to get off drugs when pregnant a partners causal use will probably be very low priority.
I agree that many parents do much worse activities and put their children and partners at risk, both directly and indirectly.

Have you thought about why you admitted this in the first place? Are you concerned with his use now he is becoming a parent to YOUR child- maternal instincts kicking in?

I would chat to him about his usage as people have said being a professional and occasional use does not mean he is not at risk and the pressures of another child can make people act in funny ways the last thing you want is him using drugs as an escape. Bring up some of the examples mentioned about dodgy batches, police charges, increased usage etc.

It is your life though and only you know your partner don't worry about social services they are only there to help and far too busy with other things.

Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope everything turns out for the best x x

I'd think about what you will do if contacted by social services/if your midwife raises it again. Perhaps take it as a bit of a wake up call and ask dp to quit, and then you can truthfully say that next time. I would be worried if my dp was taking drugs, both for his health if he got some dodgy stuff and also that he could be prosecuted/lose his job - is it really worth those risks, with children to look after?