I am sorry for the loss of your Grandad.
Three months before we felt pregnant with our baby (it is due any day now) we suffered a missed miscarriage. I know that we were really lucky to fall pregnant again so soon but I honestly grieved for the baby we lost for every second of every day until I was at least five months into this pregnancy. Whilst loving the baby that we have now I still desperately missed the baby that we lost. I also found it really difficult to cope with the way that people coped with me being pregnant again. Rightly or wrongly I very much got the impression that friends thought that being filled up with a new baby stopped me feeling sad about the baby that we had lost. My dh and I also had to learn that we were coping in different ways too and that whilst I thought about our first baby every second of every day (and sometimes still do) he didn't, and that was part of it and that was okay.
I have learned that grief cannot be measured or compared. You can't hide from it either, it is part of what love looks and feels like. I am terrified that something happens and we don't get to keep this baby, it is seems so easy for everyone else to be excited and tell me not to worry.
Not embracing your grief does not make it go away. It just hides it. And I don't think you can hide away from how you feel. I think the feelings just bury themselves inside you. So, my advice to you, would be to embrace and feel your grief while your baby is tucked up safely inside you and you have the time to indulge in how you really feel. In my opinion it is far better that you get through this chapter so that you are ready for the next one.
My friend described grief as being like a bit hole somewhere outside. The hole stays there forever but as time goes by the odd leaf falls in, or branch or dried flower. It doesn't mean the hole isn't there but time passes and disguises it.
I hope I haven't spoken out of turn or gone on too long.
Many good wishes to you and your family. x