Finding it hard to cope. Should it be this hard? :-(

[katesav87]

Hi everyone I'm 11 weeks today. Had my scan yesterday and all looking fine bouncing baby in there. Have to go back for measurements next Friday as was to early to. I've had a bad year with illness and miscarriage and having a really bad morning. I have one DD and she is lovely and my world but I find myself losing my patience with her more often now and it's getting me down. She is quite naughty but still I don't like the way I am getting angry with her and don't like her seeing me crying as I'm feeling so down. Me and DH having really rowed this morning he's really laid back and takes his time over things but I like the house to always be tidy and since I've been pregnant I've been sick and tired so let it slip a little but DH dosent seem to care. I'm feeling really down and emotional and don't know how to cope n e more.
I work almost full time aswell and just finding it hard. I don't want to lose this baby and that's adding to the stress as I can't quite believe I am pregnant and obsessed that I am going to lose it. Even tho I've seen a healthy baby 3 times now and listen to the heartbeat on the Doppler most days I still am scared its all I think about.
Just having a bad morning and needed to let it out.feel like I'm turning into a mad women and guilty as don't want my daughter to suffer seeing me so down.

Sorry to rant just n e advice would be fab. Xxxx

I think it's perfectly understandable that you're feeling like you are! Look back at what you've written and what you've been through - you've gig your DD to look after, you work full time, and you're 11 weeks pregnant / that's tough enough! But you've had a hard loss that means you're more worried about this pregnancy now and you've summed it up by saying you're worried that the worrying will cause harm!
But you've seen that healthy wriggly baby a few times and will see it again on Friday! My advice would be to just keep telling yourself that there is a baby in there and there is no reason to assume this will be anything but a healthy pregnancy and give yourself a break! :)

Hey, you have my complete sympathy. I'm at the same stage as you in my very first pregnancy, and haven't been through what you have with miscarriage, which must be terribly hard. However, I also feel very down and struggle to cope at times, and your post is ringing bells with me. I also feel very tense and angry (as well as being extremely sick - I'm off work) and have, like you, struggled to let go of things that I usually do, but am too shattered to manage just now. I have spoken to both my GP and the midwife about it, and they've reassured me that it is normal, both because of hormones (bloomin' hormones) and certainly in my case, because of the sense of loss of control over my life. I had to tell people sooner than I wanted, as I have been exceptionally unwell, and am on the brink of thumping the next person that tells me 'it'll all be worth it when you get your baby', usually from women who sailed through their 9 months with only the faintest hint of nausea. Yes, I know that, funnily enough... It IS hard to cope with having your body dictate whether or not you will be able to clean the house/go to work/get out of bed without instantly puking, and you have another child to care for on top of all that. It must be really really hard. Is there anything at all that you can ditch, even temporarily, from your daily routine? I was signed off work because I teach, and had frankly become a liability with the constant vomiting, but the stress was also a factor. It was when I told my GP that I couldn't possibly take time off because my pupils had exams, I had a PG course to do and umpteen other things that I deemed 'essential' and that 'no one else could sort out' that she pointed out that that was in fact exactly why I needed time off - so I could get a breather and get my head around it all. I have found the time at home is gradually helping me to get my head around the whole situation. I was getting stressed about being stressed, and I bet you are too. Can you ask for a little bit of time off from your GP? If not, are there doting grandparents/friends who can take care of your daughter for a few hours an evening or two this week, maybe after your scan on Friday, so that you can spend some time with your other half and have a good chat about how you are feeling? Pregnancy is exciting, but I for one had not anticipated how much fear always lurks in the back of the mind. I hope you feel lots lots better soon and enjoy your scan on Friday!

Kate

Give yourself a break... you have had a tough year and being pregnant is tough! You have a child to look after, a house to run, a husband to keep in check and you work nearly full time! allow yourself to feel angry at times and we all shout at our children doesnt mean you dont love them! It is totally normal to feel this way pregnant and doubley so when you have been through what you have! You are not mad and things will get better I promise x

I think you are managing brilliantly. When I was that sick I couldn't even manage to go to my part time job and I didn't have another child to look after as well! Don't put too much pressure on yourself to carry on as before (easier said than done I know). Is there any way you could afford to get a cleaner in once in a while to take some of stress and arguments about the house away?

Thanks for ur comments. I had to post on here as feel like all I do is moan to my friends and family and don't want to n e more. I was off all last week because of my sickness. Although my work are very sipportive there are one or 2 ppl that arnt so supportive and really make me feel bad for being off. I'm a very anxious person who worrys far to much about wat other ppl think of me think that's my problem. Just want to be happy as this is a much wanted baby but I'm scared. Money is really right and so a cleaner is not an option although I'd love to get one. Just for my sanity lol! My family is really supportive and will have my daughter but I feel such a bad parent at the mo she's been thrown around alot this year as had my gall bladder removed and was very ill for a long time with it. Xxx

Hi Kate,
i have to say I copletely understand as a mother of a 21 mth old DS who is a delight but also a handful, working full time etc and being 11 weeks pregnant, I totally get where you are coming from. If you search back on my user name you'll seem similar posts from me about how anxious I am after multiple miscarriages and how hard I am finding things to manage etc. I have tried to relax and be a bit easier on myself. We've got lots going on so it is unsurprising I am stressed, also I'm pregnant and the hormones are running mad!! Its ok to take things a bit slower, especially in the 1st tri. x