2 stillbirths, on maternity leave, pregnant again. Should I go back to work?

[Tryingtocope]

Hi all,

I recently suffered a stillbirth, my second. I am pregnant again and currently on maternity leave from the stillbirth. In theory I could just stay on mat leave for the full year. However, my financial situation will not allow me to do this, so I hope to return to work shortly.

The problem is the more and more I think about returning to work and the stress it caused me during my last pregnancy, I am not sure that it is a good option. I had too much work load. I was HOD for two departments, two line managers with varying, but complex demands. Called in to sort out mess, but not respected enough to be asked my opinion or consulted on matters which may have prevented the mess.

I can't stand one of my line managers. She has not sent me any form of condolence, but has sent coded emails, emails which I know are directed at me but sent to the whole department with no names mentioned, re-asserting her authority. I just don't think I can work with her. She has taken my ideas and claimed them as hers, which she has received praise for. I can seriously see myself exploding and being unprofessional.

If I do return to work, how do I professionally say that I cannot work with this lady? Only problem is that leaving that department will mean giving up something I really enjoy. The other thing is that we have the same responsibility, but she takes at least £15-20k more than I do.

Really don't know what to do. Just know that I DO NOT want to suffer another unexplained stillbirth that I can only put down to high levels of preventable stress.

I am so sorry for your losses. Congratulations on your new pregnancy and I hope this one will end happily for you.

As a teacher you have excellent sick pay entitlements. After 2 stillbirths, nobody would be in the slightest bit surprised if you took an extended sick leave due to post natal depression. You can get 26 weeks on full pay and a further 26 on half pay. The 26 weeks on full pay would take you right up to your new maternity leave. If you do not feel that your mental health is up to returning to such a stressful situation when you are understandably going to be extremely anxious, then consult your doctor and midwife for advice about taking it easy at home. Presumably your new pregnancy will be classified as high risk anyway so they might agree it is for the best.

I would not advocate skiving off sick for no valid reason - but your health and that of your baby is the most important thing. Pregnancy is an anxious time anyway but in your circumstances added stress is the last thing you need.

She may not be entitled to the 100 working day's full pay though Kat, as her employer is an academy rather than the LEA. either way, I agree that she should stay off.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh - sorry to hear of your loss. It is so horrible to know that there are so many of us out there who have experienced late loss. Admittedly, before what happened to me I had only really heard of miscarriage and cot death. Now I am definitely aware of it all. I would not have got through the first one had it not been for the women on a similar Internet forum which I stumbled across in my quest for answers, who had gone through the same thing. It always brings tears to my eyes hearing other people's stories of loss.

I found a beautiful poem on a forum which really helped which I can PM anyone who wants it. Warning though, it will make you cry, we'll it made me cry anyway, but gave me a way to look at things from a different perspective.

In terms of work, will speak to Doc, explain the problems I am having, such as the anxiousness, sleepless nights, tearfulness and depression, and see what he says. The more I hear your views and take in your advice, the more I can see going back might be a recipe for disaster. I really don't want to have a breakdown or become even more depressed. And I don't use the term depressed loosely, I have been suffering from depression for some years now.

Trying, how you doing?

hi i am new to this site but my daughter age 18 has just had a styillborn baby at 34 weeks gestation thanks to a dr not sending her to hospital instead he stated that he didnt have time and that she should see her midwife this was a locum dr he took her bloodpressure (which was low ) and simply put in his notes that he had no past blood pressure results to go by asked her if the baby was moving to which she replied not much he checked her urine and when she told him that she was swollen he stated that she didn,t have pre-eclampsia and told her it wasn,t his issue to see her midwife . after waiting a further 2 days to see her midwife there was no heartbeat and my daughter was sent straight to the hospital where they explained that she would have to give birth .i stayed with her and the next morning 01/11/2012 she gave birth to my first grandchild a little boy weighing 4lb-4oz he was beautiful. later that day with the baby in his little bassonette a lady from the autopsy suite came to see us and my daughter signed all the forms as we need a reason why this happened i asked the dr if she knew when he had died and her reply was that he had not been dead longer than 48 hrs so you can imagine how i felt as this was thursday evening and my daughter was at the drs surgery on the monday morning if he had only sent her to the hospital instead of making her wait to see the midwife. i am so mad about this negligence especially after hearing that there were loads of blood clots found in his placenta (this was told to me over the phone by the lady who performed the autopsy )we have to wait now for this in black and white )but i looked up the symptoms of bloodclts and they are swelling and /or pain shouldn,t the dr have known this pre-eclampsia is not the only thing that causes bloodclots .I am now pushing for my daughter to have a special test as there is a specific gene that rises in certain people when they become pregnant and if not detected early causes miscarriages or stillbirths