SMIL and her dogs......

[Afrodizzywonders]

I'm due baby 2 early December and have a DS (2). We moved to a quite remote area and haven't seen DH's father and Step mother unless we visit them in London over 3 hours away (which we do every few months), been like this for years. Step MIL (they recently married and she's pretty off with my DH, makes him feel awkward, has no time for him or his sister but her own children who are their twenties can do no wrong, I digress, that's a whole other thread in itself).

Anyway, my DH asked if they were planning on visiting over the Christmas period to see the new arrival and they agreed, but they said they'd have to stay and bring the dogs.....now these dogs are west highland terriers, snappy and boisterous, rescue dogs removed from a family with small children. I have to watch my DH around them like a hawk. Plus we're surrounded by sheep and if one of them got off the lead....

DH told them no dogs, they're to leave them with SMIL children to be looked after but its gone down like a lead balloon. Am I being unfair here, if truth be told, I don't really like SMIL, she's rude to DH, overbearing and stroppy like a teenager.....the dogs is just one element....I'm dreading her staying here as well :( trying to get BFing up and running again and managing my little boy all under her very critical eye.

Just wondered if any of you had any ideas on how I can deal with this, after all it's my DH's father.

Your house, your rules, if she doesn't want to come without the dogs, tell her to stay at home with them, and your FIL can visit and spend some quality time with you

Tots2te, It would be the best if FIL came on his own, he's much happier without her in tow copping strops and blanking people!

:-( Hope you managed to sort something out. Perhaps you could suggest that he comes alone for a few days. And perhaps next time they can make proper arrangements for pets.

I love my dog, and I know that she is really good with children but I would not dream of taking her with me to stay at someone elses home. Especially a home with a new baby and toddler.

I have a Westie and I love him to bits, but I'm under no illusions: he's a snappy little bastard dog when it comes to small children. I take him with me when I go to stay at my parents.

Tell her to leave the dogs behind then hopefully she won't come.

Part of that post disappeared

I said I take him to parents but he is locked away when sister's little kids are there.

I have two dogs and wouldn't dream of taking them with me when I am invited to someone else's house, even just for the day. Stick to your guns, just tell her no dogs, and don't justify it. It is up to her how she manages the visit, whether that is by leaving the dogs with someone else or staying away herself. I can't stand people who claim dogs should be treated the same as other family members, it's just ridiculous.

What is it with MILs and Westies? My MIL has two Westies, a Scottie and a Cairn mix. All horribly trained and dangerous to little kids.

Tell her to make other arrangements for the dogs and/or herself.

I have two dogs, too, and would really appreciate it if people would be up-front about if I can bring them to visit or not, rather than telling me it's fine and then making it clear it's not OK after we arrive. OP, you've been totally reasonable - even if the dogs weren't snappy if you don't want them in your house it's your choice.

I think you're being more than accomodating as it is - I'm due DC1 in January and I've made it clear to all family members that there will be NO overnight visits until I'm ready. Mind you, I don't allow visitors over christmas either - clearly I'm an anti-social mare!

Any chance you can wait until DC2 arrives and then tell the in-laws that you could actually do with a bit more time before having overnight visitors? Or maybe offer up a local B&B as an alternative so the pressure is off you?

I'm relieved to read all your posts!

Honestly, these dogs were rehoamed because they were snapping at the children, I just don't want them at the house, annoying thing is SMIL fully knows this as she always gets FIL to ask if she can bring them and then makes a big song and dance about how inconvenient it it to leave them. Her children live near by, stay at her house all the time so really....shouldn't be a problem them looking after the dog for one night. She's always criticising my parenting (and ignores DS).

I would prefer no overnight guests, my mum is coming to help out but that's different, she looks after DS, cleans etc and takes the pressure off not puts it on. Lettherebecupcakes, I like your suggestion of maybe postponing them till I'm more ready, I just think DH wants his Dad there sooner understandably and I feel a bit mean, a B&B might be a good compromise but I think they may think me being awkward. Urghhhh. Waiting for the response from them now after the dogs issue.

I muzzle my dog if children visit us but would not take her to someone else's knowing they have kids. She's welcome at my parents and grandparents (they used to have dogs) but I don't even ask my inlaws as I know they don't really like dogs so don't want to put them in a difficult position.

It's not just the aggression with dogs though, it is the dirt. People who have dogs are used to having dog hair, and dirt in the house, and have towels, mats and systems to place to deal with it! People who don't have dogs don't. Dog visitors create extra cleaning which I'm sure OP doesn't want to have to deal with when she is busy with a new arrival. That's the main reason I don't take mine with me when I visit, as they aren't likely to bite, just stink, shed and be generally anti social.

We have a dog who doesn't have much interest in children, although she will lick our 2yo DD and DN because she knows them so well, but is big and I know many people wouldn't like her around their children. I would never dream of taking her to someone else's house, and if anyone is coming over with their children I always let them know whether or not the dog's going to be here.

I couldn't imagine ever going to visit someone overnight, or for a few days, and expecting to take the dog. Let alone someone with no dogs of their own and small children. That's very strange.

I'd tell them that the dogs aren't invited, and if they don't want to leave them behind they'll have to stay in a B&B but the dogs are still not welcome in the house.

Like panic says, dogs are messy and the last thing you need with a newborn is more cleaning to do!

Well, no response from them yet. She's probably giving FIL a hard time now if previous form is to go by, but we are standing firm on this, I can't cope with it (we have cats as well, they chase cats relentlessly, it's just not going to happen). Hopefully FIL will come alone, DH is hoping that as he wants to spend a little time with him.

It's not pregnancy related, but I am still very annoyed at her bursting in on me getting ready when I was about to get married! No knock on the door, she just flew in, Accusing my bridesmaids and I of drinking her champagne (which was in the fridge where she left it), I hadn't had a glass of any fizz...like a whirlwind of abuse she was gone leaving everyone open mouthed and then she sulked on the top table (no apology after finding her wine), she's just odd. Tonnes of examples like this, I have to put her off, even 24 hours with her which is a short duration is enought to blow my mind!

I'm a dog owner and I agree with everyone else. Your house your rules. If you want no dogs then the dogs can't come.

She bought her own champagne to your wedding and drank it all herself? Weird!

Northerlurker, the evening was byo (although we did actually buy enough booze to cover people and there was plenty but we explained there was no bar as such so if people wanted a favourite tipple, not just red, white or cava) then to bring some. She thought my friends would steal her booze. She was very strange on the day, ultra frosty and just plain rude.....all I can see is her scowling and snatching the food off the cake stands during the meal. She just makes me feel uncomfortable, combine that with the bloody dogs she keeps wanting to bring. (sigh).

You really don't need anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable in your home just after you've given birth. It sounds like you've been very nice considering her behaviour. Most people would have told her in no certain terms to stay away!