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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I really really don't want to breastfeed.

82 replies

Aworryingtrend · 03/10/2012 16:25

I am 38 weeks with DC1 and really dont want to breastfeed. I understand the many benefits of doing so and feelvery guilty about feeling this way. But I find the idea of doing it very distateful. I know its natural etc etc and I dont find it wierd when other women do it, but its the thought of doing it myself I find repulsive if im quite honest. I am also worried about the demanding side of it, it seems to be almost constant in the first weeks and it just seems overwhelming not to mention the pain side of things.

Deep down I know that formula feeding is what will suit me and my mental wellbeing. However I do of course feel very guilty about feeling this way and I darent talk to anyone in RL about it- all the midwives are very forceful about breasttfeeding and all the girls from my antenatal are intending to breastfeed.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I the only bad mother to be around?!

OP posts:

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Catsdontcare · 03/10/2012 16:28

Your not a bad mother. You don't need to put yourself under pressure but you never know you may try it and actually want to continue. Either way as long as baby is fed and loved all will be well

HecateHarshPants · 03/10/2012 16:28

You're not a bad mother. Don't start off with that attitude, you'll only feel miserable.

Can't advise on the bf/ff (even if I had lost my marbles and wanted to get in the middle of that ) cos I have a whole heap of bf angst I never dealt with.

But I just wanted to get in there and say don't call yourself a bad mother!

mellowcat · 03/10/2012 16:28

You are not a bad mother. You should feed your baby in the way that suits you and your family. I am so saddened that you are unable to talk to anyone in RL about this.

Catsdontcare · 03/10/2012 16:30

Just so you know I breast fed both mine but I would never judge or question anyone who didn't. As awful as it may sound I couldn't give a tinkers how other people feed their babies!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 03/10/2012 16:30

I felt the same as you.

I didn't want to with either of my dd's, i was worried about what people would think, was worried about what the midwives would say.

I didn't need to, no one ever said anything or made me feel awful.

You are not a bad mother.

Lottapianos · 03/10/2012 16:31

It's your body OP and you decide how to use it. You sound like a great mum already because you recognise that you need to take care of your own wellbeing first or your baby will suffer ultimately. Sending you strength - you may need it

pictish · 03/10/2012 16:31

So don't.

I bf my first two and hated every minute, as well as both of them dropping a lot of weight and being constantly hungry, I found it painful and a bind that I found difficult to cope with... by the time my third came along I just couldn't face it, so I didn't. She went straight onto formula and thrived wonderfully!
I loved ff.
I couldn't care less what anyone else had to say about it.

piprabbit · 03/10/2012 16:32

I think that having a happy confident mum is hugely beneficial to a baby, and if FFing is what you need and want to do to be happy and relaxed then that is absolutely what you should do.

There is no rule which says that you have to commit to one approach or another at this stage. Trying BFing even if only for a few days at the start, will help give your baby a great start. But if you don't like it then try FFing instead.

kdiddy · 03/10/2012 16:32

You're not a bad mother at all. One of my very best friends felt this way, and just mentioned it to the midwife in hospital so they knew she had thought carefully about it, but decided it wasn't for her. They didn't push it and certainly did nothing to make her feel bad.

I think you should try opening up to your midwife again and see what they say.

Do you have a partner? What do they think?

newtonupontheheath · 03/10/2012 16:34

You shouldn't have to justify the choices you make as a parent. You know what is best for you and your baby/family.

There will be many "things" people do differently as you baby grows up... I think bf/ff is such a biggie because its one of the first you have to make.

Homebirth v hospital
Baby led weaning v purées
Any sort of sleep training...

Go with what works for you

ValiumQueen · 03/10/2012 16:34

You can feed your baby how you wish. I love bfing but that is my choice, and nobody has a right to challenge me on that (including you MIL!). I was the only one bfeeding in my 4bed bay post delivery, so I do not think you will feel this so pertinently once baby is here. I also went to a big shopping centre feeding room the other day, and nobody was bfing even though the place was heaving.

Now please forget about this, and enjoy your last bit of pregnancy, and then your baby.

ContinentalKat · 03/10/2012 16:35

You are not a bad mother! Happy formula feeding is so much better than unhappy breast feeding! It is, after all, your choice and no matter how much pressure people put on you, formula is not poisonous.

BigFairy · 03/10/2012 16:36

I'm pregnant with DC1 too and also do not like the idea of breastfeeding. What bothers me most is the thought of how uncomfortable it will be. My nipples are often very swollen and I simply can't imagine having a baby suck milk out of them. However, I'm trying to keep an open mind and give it a try as I am aware of the many benefits to mum and baby. If I find it awful, or it doesn't work, then I'll use formula. At least there is a way out, unlike the birth!

Finbert · 03/10/2012 16:36

It is your choice, do whatever feels right for you. You don't need to justify this to your family/friends or feel guilty. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your baby when it arrives!

ThePetiteMummy · 03/10/2012 16:37

I think you must make the best choice for you, but just to say, the first weeks are overwhelming regardless of how you feed your baby!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 03/10/2012 16:38

Formula feed and ignore anyone who tells you anything about breastfeeding.

You are this babys mother. You are beginning a lifetime of making choices. Some choices will be easy. Some hard. Some choices you make others will agree with and some choices others will disagree with.

But ultimately it is your choice. There are pros and cons to both ways of feeding. Focus on the pros of ff.

You are not a bad mother.

Original poster

Aworryingtrend · 03/10/2012 16:39

Thank you all so much. Your words mean so much, I really am battling with this. Dh is wonderful and is 100% supportive of however I choose to feed, though he is concerned that I am getting so upset and considering doing something I really dislike the idea of.

Youve hit the nail on the head those who said I am thinking 'happy mum, happy baby'. I have heard so many stories of som emums almost resenting their babies because of the pain associated with bfeeding. I think I am hypersensitive to this due to having had depression previously so am really keen to put myself in a good place mentally to minimise the risk of pnd.

I am really worried about the midwives applying lots of pressure to bf in hospital though, they have been so forceful at my appointments I am worried it will be even more intense when baby comes.

OP posts:

Violetroses · 03/10/2012 16:40

Just wanted to add my voice to those saying stop feeling guilty! I've bf'd all three of mine and wouldn't dream of judging others for formula feeding.

Life is too short. Do what feels right and enjoy your baby.

coldcupoftea · 03/10/2012 16:41

Just do what you like, I know several women who FF from birth. One was very defensive and seemed to take any mention of BF as a personal attack. For instance if I mentioned being tired she would say 'you should give up BF' and if I said I wanted to carry on she would go off on one about what nonsense the breast is best message is etc.

The others were all perfectly normal and none of us ever judged or commented on each other's choices!

lovestodaydream · 03/10/2012 16:41

Don't worry, you have a lot going on in your mind in the last few weeks of pregnancy but particularly with a first baby. So much information, so many dos and donts, and so many other people's opinions - on everythiing!

One thing to consider is that you may not truly know how you feel until your baby is placed on your chest. It is possible that all the pressure has stopped your own natural feelings. I would try not to sweat it until your baby arrives. A little privacy and bonding with your baby will tell you all you need to know about being a good mother, feeding (ff/bf) is only one part of it. Congratulations on your baby and good luck!

rarebreed · 03/10/2012 16:42

I didn't want to, and I don't have guilt. My midwife asked me 'breast or bottle' and that was it.

Chocchip88 · 03/10/2012 16:43

You're not a bad mother at all but for what it's worth I found the thought of it really freaked me out, it kind of disgusted me. I bf DS1 for 19 months, until I was 6 months pregnant with DS2. As soon as I stopped and thought about having to breastfeed DS2 the 'disgusting' feeling returned. I am (right now!) happily feeding DS2. I really enjoy breastfeeding but I think if I think about it too much I would feel gross about it again. Very strange!

EnjoyGOLDResponsibly · 03/10/2012 16:43

OP I felt exactly as you do. I FF'd from Day 1.

My midwives completely accepted my decision without need for explanation.

I have no issue with BF, but I think as with all things in your post-birth life you must make the choice that's best for you and your baby.

pictish · 03/10/2012 16:45

Same here - after I had dc3 I was asked 'breast or bottle' and when I said 'bottle' she just went and got me one. That was it. No questions, no funny looks, no attempts as persuasion, no guilt tripping...nowt.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 03/10/2012 16:45

Don't feel guilty. Do what is right for you and your family.

But, just a thought. You could try putting your baby to the breast when it is born. If you hate it, you do it for 20 seconds and never ever again. But some things we find yucky or odd or worrying about parenting in the abstract are actually fine in practice.

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