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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sonographer referred to baby as 'he' during scan..

35 replies

dietcokeandwine · 02/10/2012 21:04

...even though we had specifically said at the beginning that we don't want to know gender . It was a private scan we'd booked so that our two DC could get to see the baby (hadn't wanted to take them to the anomaly scan in case any problems detected). I'm almost 23 weeks and can't help feeling that she made a bit of an accidental slipup - she quickly corrected herself saying something like 'he, no I mean it' - and that she has, albeit unintentionally, told us we are having a boy...

DH reckons it's just as likely that they use the term 'he' as a generic one rather than saying 'it' all the time. Is that the case do you think (it sounds plausible enough) or is it more likely that the sonographer has inadvertently let the cat out of the bag? Should add that I would adore another boy (and secretly, I've always assumed this is another boy and every shot I saw on the scan seemed to indicate a willy ) - but we really didn't want to know before D Day and I can't help feeling a bit deflated that it might not be a surprise any more...

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Actuallylookingok · 02/10/2012 21:10

The sonographer at our private 4d scan referred to our daughter as 'he', and then said 'err that doesnt mean anything, i always say he because i dont like saying it'. She also referred to our son as 'he' 2 years later, so anyones guess i'd say.

TittyWhistles · 02/10/2012 21:10

It's the generic 'He'. My sonographer did it numerous times even after we'd been told 'he' was a girl.

comelywench · 02/10/2012 21:11

"he" is grammatically correct. Maybe the sonographer was being grammatically correct, then corrected herself as she realised you might take it as an indication of sex.

Sounds like she may have slipped up tho, sorry. Best just to try to forget about it and enjoy your pregnancy.

AlisonDB · 02/10/2012 21:14

It could be that they just generically use He it does sound nicer than IT!

I've always thought there should be an actual name given to an ungenderised fetus, IT sounds just sounds wrong!

If you where looking anyway and think you saw a willy then i'd say you are having a boy, its not something that can be mistaken! ;-)

He/she is still going to be a lovely surprise on D day regardless of if you know the gender for definate or not,

We found out with both, i have a 5 yr old boy and are 29 wks with Baby boy 2!
We are looking forward to the following surprises, who will they look like, what colour hair, eyes, what personality trates has he inherited, etc....
They are still a person you have never met before!

Teapot13 · 02/10/2012 21:19

Well, there's no way to know. I think it is probably pretty common to say "he" meaning "the baby." We were told accidentally and we know at least one other couple who was told accidentally, though, so it happens a lot. (I say we were told, but I didn't catch it and DH kept it a secret till the birth! Kind of explains why he couldn't come up with any boy names, in retrospect.)

If you've spotted a willy, though, you can't really blame the sonographer, can you?

prettysunset · 02/10/2012 21:35

I'm a Sonographer and on countless occasions have had incidents where I have said 'There's a leg' and patients have said 'So it's a girl? You said "there's her leg"'...Or I've said 'There's its leg' and they've said 'So it's a boy? You said "there's his leg"'...We officially can't win because either way on the day there's a 50% chance that the patient will think-'I knew that Sonographer slipped up!'.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 02/10/2012 21:50

At our 8 week and dating scan today at 14 weeks the sonographer ( different one each time) referred to the baby as 'he' even though there is no way of knowing at this stage. They both said that they prefer to say he rather than referring to it as 'it'.

iffybutty · 02/10/2012 21:51

AndyFlo. That exact scenario happens to me too. When you do a scan you will often notice the gender but you still think of the baby as" it" and dont start thinking of it as a "he or "she". I have also occasionally been challenged that I have let it slip but I know that I have never told anyone the sex of a baby inadvertedly and ive been scanning a long time !

zigwig · 02/10/2012 22:49

It might just be a generic "he". Mine gets referred to as he or she depending on what mood i'm in as I don't like calling them "it". I also have no idea yet which "it" is.

Moominsummermadness · 03/10/2012 04:38

The sonographer referred to our baby as 'he' Throughout our 20 week scan. We did not want to find out the sex. I'm currently bf our week old DD.

nenehooo · 03/10/2012 07:48

I think he just comes out easier than she? Although I'm convinced mine's a boy - as is everyone else! And the other day I remembered my sonographer at 20 weeks said we have a very pretty baby so now wondering if this means girl even though the hospital had a policy not to disclose gender at the time?! I'm 38 weeks and getting impatient to know now!!!

Wiggy29 · 03/10/2012 07:56

We had an scare at 17 weeks and ended up having an extra scan. We were a little confused afterwards. He asked if we wanted to know the sex and (as question took us by surprise) dp said "We were thinking of getting them to write it down to give to our little boy to open at Christmas, but we both think it's a boy" and he replied "You'd both be wrong then!" We were quite shocked (as convinced we'd seen willy) so I said "Really?" and the sonographer replied "Only kidding!"

We were a little confused but when he left the room (I'd had an internal too so had to get dressed) dp and I debated as to whether he'd made a slip (and it was a dd) or he was indeed just joking. I was super curious so asked dp to go and ask him and he agreed. He went up and explained that we'd like to find out but then the sonographer said "No, no, I love your idea of writing it down. Wait until 20 weeks and they can tell you then that you're getting a little boy for Christmas."

Confused much?

Was it a double bluff or a subtle hint? Scan today and I'd love to find out (didn't with ds but very curious this time, though no preference), dp still undecided but I'll let you all know if we do!

tara0202 · 03/10/2012 08:17

At my 20 week scan, the sonographer said "his thigh bone" when measuring the leg. Had dd 20 weeks later.

LauraPalmerPlusOne · 03/10/2012 09:19

I just don't get it when people say that if they find out the sex before birth it will 'spoil the surprise'. It's a surprise regardless of when you find out - whether it's on a scan or at the birth!

Original poster

dietcokeandwine · 03/10/2012 09:48

Thanks everyone - we will just have to wait and see.

Laurapalmer - I know you are right, and it might sound bonkers, but for me, knowing the sex for definite in advance of actual delivery would spoil the joy of giving birth. I love the fact that both my previous deliveries have been surprises, on the day, in the delivery room, with the baby to cuddle seconds after finding out the surprise! Tbh I even find it hard to get excited about friends' babies when they've already 'found out what it is' - you get the call / text about the birth and it's just like 'oh ok, the boy's here' or 'the girl's here' - no woo hoo factor at all, other than being pleased baby is healthy etc. Whereas when you don't know in advance, the announcement has complete wow factor. Finding out the surprise at a scan just wouldn't do it for me - I will never, as long as I live, understand why people would want to know in advance. But I appreciate everyone is different

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katiecubs · 03/10/2012 15:39

dietcoke that's just how i feel myself and about friends babies too - even worse when they tell you the sex and the name!!

Pudgy2011 · 03/10/2012 16:16

I didn't want to know the gender because I wanted DH to be the one to tell me when "it" popped out. Men get so little to do during pregnancy and labour and I wanted it to be his job to cut the cord and tell me what we had.

I will never forget his face when he said "Babe, it's a boy!" - I knew deep down that it was a boy but liked the official not knowing. I also loved choosing boys and girls names.

Won't find out with the next one either and I agree with Dietcoke and Katiecubs - I love the woohoo factor when we find out all the details at once, makes me go a bit meh when I already know the sex and the name! But of course appreciate that everyone is different and am always overjoyed when new babies arrive safely.

AlisonDB · 03/10/2012 17:15

I love the knowing in advance what gender i am having,
I also love knowing what friends are having if they want to tell me,
For me knowing a new life has just entered the world is for me the biggest whoo hoo monent and i am lucky that my friends feel the same way!

And i always wonder why people wouldnt want to know yet they have every test and scan availible to determine if their baby has an abnormality,
Wouldnt you want to keep that as a surprise too?!
Just the way our grandparents had too

Sorry if i sound like a bitch but i felt that both myself (unnamed) and Laura where being bitched at because of our opinions.

MummytoKatie · 03/10/2012 17:32

They called my child "he" just after she was born. As you can see from my user name either they were wrong or I am a very mean mummy!

ALittleBitOfMagic · 03/10/2012 17:54

We found out at 20 weeks we are having a ds . Had to get rescanned and he was referred to as 'she' . They really just don't like saying 'it'

debbie1412 · 03/10/2012 18:39

Same thing happend to me. I'm due in 4 weeks. Even though I questioned her phrase she said many refer to them as he and she didn't know what the sex was, it has tainted for me. I havnt told dp so he'l still get surprise x

Original poster

dietcokeandwine · 03/10/2012 18:40

Alison, no-one was bitching at you, people were just expressing their opinions! I specifically stated in my post that I accept everyone is different, as did another poster. I can't help the fact that I don't agree with you, but I certainly didn't mean to be unkind, so I am sorry if you felt offended.

I don't think, though, that you can really compare the detection of abnormalities with finding out a baby's gender . They are two completely different things and have completely different implications for parents.

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Original poster

dietcokeandwine · 03/10/2012 18:49

And to be fair, the posts that followed LauraPalmers one were probably in response to the tone of her message, which could, if you were feeling a bit sensitive, have been perceived as rather confrontational and dismissive.

OP posts:

MoonHare · 03/10/2012 21:57

Dietcoke - please completely disregard what the sonographer said. My sil was convinced she was having a boy after the sonographer said he during their 20 wk scan, and she was gutted that she thought they had been told inadvertantly. Their baby was a girl. I know another couple that this happened to and again they had a girl.

As the sonographer who responded earlier said it's 50/50 whether they slipped up or just used the term generically.

At our 20 wk scan for DC3 due in two weeks the sonographer said 'she' we had asked not to know and tbh I have pretty much put the 'she' out of my mind as we're in the same camp as you i.e. we don't want to know the sex until we actually meet our baby.

You don't know for sure and can still enjoy the speculation and anticipation of your pregnancy.

terilou87 · 05/10/2012 14:44

hi dietcokeandwine i know that the sonographer said he, but you are still unsure of what sex your baby is because you don't know if the sonographer said he as a generic term rather than saying "it" or if he was said in reference to your babys gender. only way of you knowing for sure is birth or another scan to check gender. id imagine you'll wait it will still be a suprise as annoying as it is that the sonographer used he you are still none the wiser as to what sex your having.

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