How am I going to cope?

[SenoraPostrophe]

Not really expecting any answers here, just need to moan.

Dd currently has something like flu, having just got over a nasty cough. She's been waking 2-5 times a night and waking early. I am absolutely exhausted. I am 37 weeks pregnant and now dreading having a tiny baby to get up for as well. I know dd will get better, but her sleep hasn't been as good as it used to be for 3 months now (since she started nursery) - she'll wake up early at the slightest noise (although she will sleep in till about 8.30 if it's quiet. which it rarely is as we have builders next door).

Dp meanwhile has about 6 weeks worth of work to do over the next 4 weeks (and plenty more to come). If he doesn't sleep he can't work, plus he has less patience than me and is prone to get frustrated with dd sooner. Mind you, I'm not always much better - she did get shouted at at one point last night the poor thing.

I need to do something - probably go to bed earlier as naps never seem to refresh me, or if they do they ruin the next night's sleep. Where do people with 2 babies find time for anything?

I have to admit that I really struggled to cope with 2 kids, my dd1 was 2yrs when I had dd2, but honestly you will find a way, sure you'll probably struggle at first but everything will soon fall into place. I can't have hated it that much because I had ds3. As for sleeping I would try to go to bed earlier instead of sleeping in the day and try to have a nice relaxing bath or something

hi senora,i remember feeling the same while pregnant with dd and ds was 2,not having any family around to help is the worse,i did pay for my mum to come over just a week before the birth,she was a godsend,she was with me at the birth and did everything for me so i could have a rest and lots of time with ds so he didn't feel left out,could you do the same and get a member of your family to come and help?you have all my sympathy i know exactly how you feel,don't worry you will cope
lol xx

thanks. Mum and sister are visiting for a week each (one after the other), but I wish it was more!

i wish my mum lived nearer,she'll love to give you a hand,is any way your mum could stay longer?

No, she has a job.

Thanks for the offer though, whymummy - that's very sweet. Maybe I should advertise for an adopted grandmother here? (not really a serious suggestion, but I might get desperate! )

Echoes of the others - you will cope!
I have ds1 2,8 and ds2 15 weeks
My top tip, learnt thr hard way, is give yourself time to recover from the birth, to get used to a family of four and don;t try to do too much in any one day.

All the women i know felt that second baby would be a breeze cos you've done it before on one level but what none of us accounted for is the overwhelming effect post partum hormones have on everything - so warn dp that you will be not quite yourself for a while.

And the second part of mt tip is don't try and fit anything else but feeding and caring for your kids in. don't try and accomodate visitors, projects, cake decorating etc etc. I don't mean go feral and become she-wolf with cubs, but avoid the frustration and disappointment of trying to accomplish or find time for anything extra carricular for the first three months. Some days i'm licky if i brush ny teeth or change out of \pjs by noon. But kids are fed and watered and entertained.

Of ciurse, snoraP, you may be logistics expert and have full compliment of domestic staff, but either way, watch ou fir thise hormones and enjoy your new extended family xxxx

apologies for appaling typos but am feeding baby as I post - see what I mean?

i was going to suggest that!!you could put an add saying
se necesita abuelita adoptiva para x mientras su mama tiene un bebe
there might be some lovely old lady willing to help and it wouldn't cost you the earth,just for a few weeks

Sympathy, Senora. I've just sent dp to bed for an hour as he is horrible when he hasn't slept enough and he did the night last night (we're alternating getting up, despite him being out at work during the day - my argument being that if I don't occasionally get some sleep I'll kill the kids! I know this arrangment isn't for everyone though ) FWIW, I'm finding getting up at night for dd a lot easier than being 37 or more weeks pregnant combined with getting up to wee every five minutes so maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will? I somehow can survive on much less sleep than I thought I needed (but as I said we are sharing it so it's not so bad). Your dd will probably be better by the time the baby comes along so maybe that problem will resolve itself. Agree with all the other advice about not trying to do too much, I think I did looking back on the first couple of weeks of dd's life. Agree about people too, get them to look after you not the other way around. Also, ask for help from your family, otherwise they might assume you don't need it. Happy Christmas.

Senora, I have a 3.2 yo and a 14 mo and looking over the past year am now amazed at the clamness (on most days) in the house. At first it was mayhem some days as dd dropped her afternoon nap almost as soon as ds was born. I can count about 2 or 3 times where I am ashamed at how I lost my temper with her because she would wake up ds just as I had got him to sleep and he was difficult to get to sleep and cried alot (probably overtired cos dd kept waking him). I would beg dh to get up in the night to see to her as I was bf 3 or 4 times a night with the baby. However, we survived and you will too. Lots of luck.

that's very reassuring, xmaswitch - I hope you're right!

I think I will cope - you're all right. I do actually have a childminder who could be a "tita adoptiva" but I have been worrying about paying for extra childcare after my maternity leave runs out. Taking things as they come would help a lot, I think! Feel better already.

bsw - cake decorating? where did that come from? I kind of like the idea of being a feral she-wolf though since I don't have a full compliment of domestic staff

Hi Senora, it's me tiny feet. Thanks for starting this thread, as I have the same concerns, and there is some fantastic advice here. I'm 40 weeks now, so I do have that sort of domestic energy that I didn't have in the past couple of weeks, but I still am worried about how I will cope. My sister will be coming to stay with me for a few weeks, so that will be a huge help - good you have set up your sis and mum too. If I learn anything in the next few weeks, I'll try to remember to post it. Happy Christmas!

Hi there. I think boozysoozywong is right. I've got 3 (nearly 5, nearly 3 and 10 mos) and I thought going from 1 to 2 would be easy. How wrong I was! I found it was the cutting yourself in two that was so hard. I'd always been able to put ds1 first, way ahead of me and dh, but once dd arrived, the choice wasn't so easy. Cut out the extra stuff: children first, then you and anything else is a bonus. I decided I didn't mind living in a tip, which was just as well, really, as for about 6 months there was nothing I could do about it. On the plus side, ds2 was a breeze because the hard adjustments were already made. But you probably don't want to think about that just yet!

Get some early nights, long baths, everything that's been suggested. I'm sure your dd will stabilise again. If she's had a good sleep routine before she's more likely to slip back into it after illness, tho' she may be picking up on your tired, pre-new-baby vibes.

Be kind to yourself, SenorApostrophe, and good luck!