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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How bad is it-honestly?!

49 replies

Natnat29 · 21/09/2012 09:10

Hi I'm 21 wks pregnant and I really want honest opinions about how bad childbirth is please? The reason being everyone has said its not to bad or fine since I've been expecting -very sweet of them to try nit to scare me but I need to know really how bad is it ?

OP posts:

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mrsbugsywugsy · 21/09/2012 12:30

Hi Nat, I'm 22 weeks with my first so I haven't experienced it yet either.

I am trying to be philosophical - the pain will either be bearable, or it won't. If it is, great; if it isn't then there will hopefully be pain relief available and I will take it.

THERhubarb · 21/09/2012 12:32

The fear is the worst.

Go to private or NCT ante-natal classes. Absorb everything they tell you. The NHS ones are shit.
Find out about how your body works during labour.
Find out what is the best birthing position.

Once you take back control you lose some of that fear and subsequently some of the pain.

I had a home birth with my second. It hurt much much less than my first. Because I knew what I was doing. I was well prepared. I was ready for it.

AbbyRue · 21/09/2012 12:40

For me labour was not too bad, managed both DCs with gas and air.

Breastfeeding was easy too but mastitis was by far the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I'm now expecting DC3 in 4 weeks, and it's what I'm worried about the most.

Go onto it with an open mind

Badgerina · 21/09/2012 13:21

It's not easy. My first labour was 14 hours, and I coped at home with a Tens machine, then when I got to the birth unit I used gas and air, and then water. It hurt. But it never got away from me IYSWIM. I wasn't scared, and I felt absolutely safe and supported which is such a big deal when you're labouring.

I found that the difference between the light, bright, noisy room they gave me when I first got to the unit, and the small, dark, warm room where the pool was, was very significant. Your environment has a HUGE effect on your perception of pain during labour.

Original poster

Natnat29 · 21/09/2012 16:41

Thank u everyone for your responses, really good advice- am going on the nct course already and toying with the idea of Hypnobirthing if I can afford that too if not I can borrow the cd and book from a friend :) I think I need to be brave and watch some birthing videos now do its not so much of a shock come antenatal class time - I must confess I can't bring myself to watch one born every min as im such a massive poobag, I've got to woman up for my little bubba :)

OP posts:

DanyTargaryen · 21/09/2012 16:46

Can be brutally honest and tell you it is like trying to shit a melon. I'm sorry but if you want the cold hard facts there it is. (And I'm going to be doing it again in 32 weeks argh!)

I will say though, the second that baby is out it all stops. Until the midwife touches your tear ouchiieee

ValiumQueen · 21/09/2012 16:58

I wanted to say about shitting a melon. A water melon at that. It is true. Sorry

ValiumQueen · 21/09/2012 17:00

And the ring of fire when crowning! But holding your baby for the first time - indescribable Joy!

DanyTargaryen · 21/09/2012 17:45

Whistles Johnny Cash

It's true though, I'm sure you would prefer someone turned round and said yeah, it is fucking agony, but once baby is out it is over.

ValiumQueen · 21/09/2012 18:01

A bigger pain than you could imagine. Ever. But for some it isn't. With my induction there was no break between contractions and I could not get a breath. Not so for everyone.

Orenishii · 21/09/2012 18:57

Due in 3 weeks. My biggest fear is the crowning/ring of fear moment. For some reason the stinging really freaks me out - I don't quite understand it. My fear, I mean - because it's the shortest phase, and signals the almost end!

NapaCab · 21/09/2012 19:03

Mine was worse than I expected, long labour, had to fight the midwife tooth and nail for an epidural and had forceps delivery and episiotomy in the end, which is what I wanted to avoid, but DS was born healthy and perfect.

I do remember one period during the labour when I was in horrendous pain, really unbearable, and I remember thinking this was the worst thing I'd ever experienced but I can barely remember the pain now. It was just a fleeting period in an otherwise positive experience.

All I would say is: expect the unexpected. You will worry and tear your hair out over x, y and z but somehow the unexpected will still happen. Just try to stay calm, make sure you have good support and focus on the baby's arrival.

NapaCab · 21/09/2012 19:06

Oh yes, breastfeeding was actually worse than the birth in some ways, for me, because the pain was constantly returning. It was like having a cut just heal a little and then be reopened every couple of hours and if you didn't want the cut reopened, your ears would be assailed by the shrieks of your hungry baby so it was a choice between watching your baby in pain or being in dire pain yourself. Awful. But not everyone has that bf experience.

naughtymummy · 21/09/2012 19:12

I broke my collar bone when dd was 7 months old. That pain was soooo much worse than childbirth for me. I didn't do hypnobirthing ,but did do yoga and focused breathing which really did help.

Asmywhimsytakesme · 21/09/2012 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orenishii · 21/09/2012 19:29

Asmywhimsytakesme that was me afraid of the stinging

Your description is awesome! I don't know why it makes me cringe since it's the very last, very shorted bit but I have faith by the time I get to that bit, I'll do anything to get my baby out and it's all good!

milk · 21/09/2012 19:32

I'm pregnant with DC2.

Honestly, if it had been that bad the first time I doubt I'd be doing it again.

For me the most painful part was the day after labour, as I was exhausted and every muscle in my body was aching as if I had run a marathon + I was expected to look after a baby!

LillianGish · 21/09/2012 19:52

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best - that was my philosophy! In the end giving birth to my dcs were without doubt the two best days of my life. I gave birth in Paris where the idea that you have to suffer is a complete anathema. I had an epidural with both and two very quick labours (so all the scaremongering I'd read in English birth manuals about epidurals slowing things down was definitely not the case for me). I would say if pain relief is on offer and you are in pain then take it (but that's not a very fashionable view!) - we no longer live in the time of Queen Victoria as a very amused French anaesthetist pointed out when I asked whether there was a gas and air option.

MrsApplepants · 21/09/2012 20:01

For me it hurt like hell. I have definitely not forgotten how bad the pain was!! However I expected it to be painful and it certainly wasn't traumatic. I actually enjoyed giving birth ( after the epidural!). My advice is to keep an open mind re pain relief, all labours are different and labour pain tolerances are different for everyone.

Jojoba1986 · 22/09/2012 11:03

I'm one of those really annoying women who didn't find labour painful! Yes it was laborious, i.e. hard work & tiring but it didn't really hurt! I took no pain killers except g&a for stitches afterwards & mostly just wanted to be left to get on with it! The pushing stage wasn't great but that was mostly because the mw was getting antsy about me not wanting to be touched/monitored & making me anxious so I pushed him out a bit fast!

The thing I kept focussing on was that in a relatively short time it would be over & then we could get on with our life as a family! I think it's important to try to keep yourself grounded & reality & not to dwell on the temporary pain - each contraction is one step closer to meeting your baby! :-)
Good luck!

Sparklyboots · 22/09/2012 14:05

Well, it definitely hurts and it's probably more painful than anything else you have felt. But for me, the problem wasn't the pain so much as how you relate to the pain. It was only 'unbearable' when I was thinking how I couldn't cope, or it must be going wrong, or I thought it must mean I was going to die. But when I could remember to concentrate on the fact that it was meant to hurt, it would stop hurting, and the pain itself wouldn't injure or kill me, it was completely bearable and fine. I had an awkwardly lying baby, so was not mobile during labour but next time really mean to try stay moving. He also did get his shoulders stuck and did need some pretty forceful intervention from the midwives at the end, so my labour wasn't 100% straightforward. But I didn't have pain relief, and didn't use gas and air because I couldn't concentrate with it and really did need to concentrate on remembering that everything was happening how it was supposed to.

When people ask me if it hurt, I say it's not a fair question really, because you are in an altered state of consciousness and that can make pain into a different experience than every day pain. Pain from injury is in many ways more awful because it's a sign something is going badly wrong. If you can hang on to the fact that this is not what it means, the whole thing is way more bearable - even quite interesting, in a certain sort of way. IME

carrielou2007 · 22/09/2012 17:49

I would say yes it is the most painful thing j have ever experienced as e returning else I have had pain relief!!

Both mine were I diced and both back to back so both were absol agony, no breathing my babies out much as I wanted to.

Don't get me wrong, I did not forget the pain once I had my babies but it makes it totally worth it. I would happily chop my arms and legs off with a blunt kitchen knife if I had to for my children that's how strong the love for my children is.

I recently had two ops on my eyes, both under local as I'm pregnant but medical emergency so not able to wait. Had pain relief and stressful but figured if I can give birth to two babies (with ds I only got gas and aif for my stitched after) I can pretty much do anything!

I am already thinking about what is to come (hopefully not a third I suction) and know it will be very painful but hey, my body has do d it before, I didn't die and look what I got at the end!

I would hate to be a man to never be pregnant or give birth. Prob eon't be sayi v that in six months time but think my body may not be perfect but look what it can do. Crikey it did hurt though

carrielou2007 · 22/09/2012 17:50

Poo, sorry about thd terrible autocorrects, I just can't really see them still

carrielou2007 · 22/09/2012 18:04

Oh and I got told off by the midwife she came in to tell me to stop making quite so my h fuss (was making dirty g of screams xbx moo-ing noises on all fours) and I was upsetting thd other women on thd I suction ward. To my shame I did tell her get me an f-ing epidural then . She said I was only 3cm when she had checked md half an hour before and I could go down to thd labour eats and have some pain relief when I got to 4cm and would I like some paracetamol ex dp did say thd look on her face was priceless when she said um you're pushing...I got downstairs then and had ds 20 mins later . Happy days

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