Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Struggling to bond/even feel pregnant

3 replies

abcde1 · 20/09/2012 12:49

Am 17+3 with #2. DD just turned 2. Since her birth I had some serious health issues (now resolved), during the treatment of which it was unclear if I'd be able to have another baby. However I feel pg with this baby first month we were allowed to try.

We'd always wanted 2 or 3 children, but the desire to quickly have another grew when I was told it might not happen: got pretty obsessed to be honest whilst waiting to be allowed to try.

Have had a normal ish pregnancy. Very nauseous and dizzy spells since about 3+4 through 12 weeks, but it's gone now: had this with DD so was expecting it. Bump is small but baby is a good size. We had a bit of a Down Syndrome scare at 12wk, but a private scan has eased our concerns massively.

I'm not really feeling pg though: most of the time I forget until I catch sight of my belly, or DD tries to sit on my tummy and I remember I can't let her. When I see the baby on a scan it's more about checking that it's healthy (there's a heartbeat, it's a normal size etc) than thinking "Ooh - there's my baby!!". With DD I played her music, read to the bump, got those weekly emails telling me her development, took pictures of the bump every week etc. None of those this time around. We've been busier (moved house, got a new job) but I also don't have the same urge: it's almost like I still don't quite believe that I'm pregnant and am scared to bond in case it all goes wrong (which I'm also expecting it to, even at this stage).

I'm also exercising quite a lot and not really eating enough. I exercised lots too with DD (although less than now) but I was in a sedentary job so it didn't make much difference considering the increase in my appetite (but was good for relaxation etc). Now I'm at home with DD and, since we've just moved, am crazy busy walking places, sorting things and getting to know people (no car yet), as well as doing an hour's workout every day. I'm eating as I normally do which is a very healthy, low-fat diet: no real changes because I'm pg (other than cutting out the stuff I'm not meant to have), which worries me. Am concerned I'm not eating enough, but my health scare last year now means that I'm worried about eating anything non-organic, non-healthy, fatty etc. Am easily still in my skinny jeans (below the bump).

Also with DD I was super cautious after alcohol and caffeine etc. This time around I'm drinking a glass or two a week, and a can of coke a day. I know it's hardly binge drinking whilst shooting heroin, but I think it reflects a change in my mindset...

I'm wondering if I should find out the gender at the 20wk scan: DH doesn't want to, and I didn't (we didn't with DD) but now I'm thinking it might help me bond. But then I'm thinking this is 'normal' for a #2 - just not the same excitement (not that the baby isn't loved and wanted). Maybe I just need to take the time to spend with my bump once DD is in bed/at nursery....

I just don't feel like I 'know' this baby in the way I knew DD. I feel very detached from it. I believe intellectually that it is a baby, a living thing, but I don't feel that, if you can understand the difference.

Just really worried I'm not going to be as close to this baby as I was with DD and that it'll be affected because of me.

Essay over :)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
milk · 20/09/2012 13:06

Have you felt the baby move/kick yet?

dueatxmas · 20/09/2012 13:10

Not sure if this will help but we had DD who's 4 then 2 m/c last yr after deciding to try again. I felt very scared in the 1st 12 weeks and we virtually told no-one we were expecting till i was 17 wks and we could no longer keep it quiet. Although i'm so happy i'm pg and love the baby i am terrified to attach to much to it as i keep thinking something is going to go wrong and i won't get my baby as the m/c were so tough on me.

At the 20 week scan DH said he didn't want to know the gender i however did like you i felt it would help me bond. We decided not to but i actually worked it out (was kinda obvious Smile) I went back in the room without DH and asked the lady to confirm what it was. DH still doesn't know nor does anyone else and i do think it's helped me. I now talk to baby and have started buying little bits.

Do you think as you had a rough time after having your DD you are protecting yourself from getting hurt again? I still have bad days and can't picture myself with a baby. I'm now 26 wks and it also helped when baby started kicking as i thought wow there really is a baby in there. I also got a fetal heart doppler.

abcde1 · 20/09/2012 13:43

Have felt a few bubbles which I'm fairly certain are the baby, but nothing regular yet. Maybe that'll help: am assuming it'll be fairly soon being a second.

Thanks for your story due. I'm thinking knowing the gender will help so I can start thinking about it by name (we have one of each picked out). And I don't want to get hurt: I spent months last year seeing women with 2+ babies and feeling like it would never happen for us. Plus I now expect things to go wrong: everything was fine last year until it very suddenly and very badly wasn't, so why won't that happen again???! And I haven't really bought anything for it: DD isn't allowed to the 20wk scan, so maybe DH and I should go get something for it afterwards...

Am now sobbing. At least the hormones definitely feel real!!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread