Am 17+3 with #2. DD just turned 2. Since her birth I had some serious health issues (now resolved), during the treatment of which it was unclear if I'd be able to have another baby. However I feel pg with this baby first month we were allowed to try.
We'd always wanted 2 or 3 children, but the desire to quickly have another grew when I was told it might not happen: got pretty obsessed to be honest whilst waiting to be allowed to try.
Have had a normal ish pregnancy. Very nauseous and dizzy spells since about 3+4 through 12 weeks, but it's gone now: had this with DD so was expecting it. Bump is small but baby is a good size. We had a bit of a Down Syndrome scare at 12wk, but a private scan has eased our concerns massively.
I'm not really feeling pg though: most of the time I forget until I catch sight of my belly, or DD tries to sit on my tummy and I remember I can't let her. When I see the baby on a scan it's more about checking that it's healthy (there's a heartbeat, it's a normal size etc) than thinking "Ooh - there's my baby!!". With DD I played her music, read to the bump, got those weekly emails telling me her development, took pictures of the bump every week etc. None of those this time around. We've been busier (moved house, got a new job) but I also don't have the same urge: it's almost like I still don't quite believe that I'm pregnant and am scared to bond in case it all goes wrong (which I'm also expecting it to, even at this stage).
I'm also exercising quite a lot and not really eating enough. I exercised lots too with DD (although less than now) but I was in a sedentary job so it didn't make much difference considering the increase in my appetite (but was good for relaxation etc). Now I'm at home with DD and, since we've just moved, am crazy busy walking places, sorting things and getting to know people (no car yet), as well as doing an hour's workout every day. I'm eating as I normally do which is a very healthy, low-fat diet: no real changes because I'm pg (other than cutting out the stuff I'm not meant to have), which worries me. Am concerned I'm not eating enough, but my health scare last year now means that I'm worried about eating anything non-organic, non-healthy, fatty etc. Am easily still in my skinny jeans (below the bump).
Also with DD I was super cautious after alcohol and caffeine etc. This time around I'm drinking a glass or two a week, and a can of coke a day. I know it's hardly binge drinking whilst shooting heroin, but I think it reflects a change in my mindset...
I'm wondering if I should find out the gender at the 20wk scan: DH doesn't want to, and I didn't (we didn't with DD) but now I'm thinking it might help me bond. But then I'm thinking this is 'normal' for a #2 - just not the same excitement (not that the baby isn't loved and wanted). Maybe I just need to take the time to spend with my bump once DD is in bed/at nursery....
I just don't feel like I 'know' this baby in the way I knew DD. I feel very detached from it. I believe intellectually that it is a baby, a living thing, but I don't feel that, if you can understand the difference.
Just really worried I'm not going to be as close to this baby as I was with DD and that it'll be affected because of me.
Essay over :)