Had enough. Need a kick up the bum.

[Abcynthia]

Hi guys,
I constantly lurk about these forums mostly reading the comedy style threads because they usually give me a much needed cheer up...but today I really need a friend, which I lack in real life. I'm sorry I am making you all listen to this, but I feel so alone right now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant (I already have a little girl that is 3 and a half - she has a different father to my current partner). I have had a pretty easy pregnancy until this last week. I became quite ill last Tuesday. My vision went crazy with flashing lights and blurriness. I have had this in the past when I was getting a migraine, but this happened in the weeks after I gave birth to my daughter and hasn't happened since. Well it went away, only for me to be woken up at 2am that night with a splitting head ache. I got up and drank a large amount of water and took some paracetamol. I then had a bath to try and help me get sleepy again. When I got out the bath I threw up repeatedly. I went to bed and eventually got to sleep. Since then my vision has been behaving crazy and I have been feeling like I am walking around in a dream every day. I can't concentrate and it now and then makes me feel quite dizzy. I just want it to stop so I can feel normal again. I have a midwife appointment on Wednesday. I have also been feeling very uncomfortable. I just keep thinking at this stage with my little girl I had gone crazy nesting - but just now I don't feel well enough to do anything and can't even get my head round concentrating on anything.

To add to all this my hormones are sending me a little crazy. I thought for once in my life after all the rubbish men have put me through I had found the man that would make me happy. He helps me, he supports me, he does anything he can to help me relax, he is understanding, he loves my little girl to death and has helped me so much with her basically being her main father figure - playing with her, reading to her and keeping her busy when I'm not feeling well.

However - I know he has one little thing about looking at naked women online. I know men will look at women - I am not completely naive, but just this morning on his phone there is screeds and screeds of him scrolling through one girls pictures of her boobs and her bum. This subject has come up already with us and I made it clear that he wasn't to use any web cam sites as I find that a little too direct, but general porn OK. He did go back on one web cam site once since that discussion. He doesn't know that I know yet though. However the main bit of this is I feel uncomfortable with him obsessing over one girl and just scrolling through all her pictures - especially as this was different days. I want to be the cool girlfriend and be OK with it, but right now especially I am struggling. I feel like a big round snow man that constantly looks a state. We are having sex at least every other day (basically every day though) so it is not like I have let that slide - I feel so frustrated because I do not get how the hell I will actually ever be enough. I know men look - but why? I do not feel the need to scour the internet looking at men's private parts so why does my partner most days feel the need to look at other women? I guess I am just frustrated at being made to feel not good enough again. I sometimes wonder if he has just settled for me. I really just want to be enough for someone :(

So to sum it up - I feel ill and not right...and emotionally destroyed. I was really wanting to enjoy this pregnancy.

P.S He knows I know about it all now. I woke him up quite abruptly at half four in the morning to tell him. Safe to say he is upstairs hiding.

Sorry your feeling so down. Firstly I'd suggest you get to the drs today and not wait till wed! I think if your feeling that bad you should get assessed especially when your pregnant.

I can't offer a lot of advice regarding your dh as I've never been in your situation.

Get to the doctors

I also think you need medical advice today. PhOne your gp or midwife.

PLEASE Go to the Dr's or midwife today to get your BP and urine checked.do not wait till wednesday. Hopefully just a pregnancy migraine BUT better be on the safe side as also symptoms of PET. I can't offer much advice on the porn side but to say if he knows you don't like it, then it is pretty disrespectful, especially when you are so pregnant. We feel unattractive enough at this stage that he should be considering your feelings and wishes. Talk to him but get yourself checked first.

Hi I really have to get to work and would love to leave a longer message but can't. i echo the others about see ing the doc or midwife, it may be nothing but it sounds like you're suffering and it's best to get it checked out. you may also be suffering from antenatal depression (or you may not not!) and i think it might help to talk to the doc about your feelings.

i'm also 34 weeks pregnant and feel low too, i'm really snappy and hormonal BUT hormones aren't the cause of every negative emotion and sometimes it's easy to dismiss feelings on the grounds that you're pregnant. RE porn etc, everyone has their limits and you need to decide where yours are. For me it would be an utter deal breaker (especially the bit about web cams where you specifically asked him to go on those sites and been soooo understanding about the rest). Sex every other day? my goodness he's a lucky man, twice since pregnancy for my poor OH, is it that you want to have sex so often or you feel like you should to keep him interested? i only ask because you seem quite insecure at the moment...

sorry if this is all sounding harsh but i'm typing in a hurry.

i really hope your DH is gentlr and understanding with you today xx

Hiya, it's exactly how Pre-eclampsia presents. Dr today!!!! Your partner is way down the list of priorities but some-times with the onset of Pre-ec you get a sense of doom on the horizon which is part of it. Forget the porn issue- see your GP.

Hi, just want to add to the list of voices urging you to get to your dr/midwife today ~ l have pre~eclampsia and the only symptom was a swollen leg, so you can?t be too careful. Everything else can be sorted out later. Take care.

Another one saying dont wait until Wednesday. Sounds like pre eclampsia.

As for the porn. Talk to him. Not just a "dont do it" but make him see why its so upsetting and ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned.

I am 33 weeks and Im really low too. Im sitting here trying to build the courage to phone the GP. I was even having nightmares last night about the birth and that there were complications. :(

Its a really hard thing when everyone expects you to be glowing and happy when really you are sore and uncomfortable. What you have had with the dizziness etc sounds horrendous. Please see someone today and hopefully you will begin to feel better x

Hi guys,
I wanted to update you all and say thank you so much for the support.

Well I kind of stumped them because I have very LOW blood pressure all of a sudden. The doctor that saw me has put it all down to tiredness and she is convinced it might be related to my eye sight so I should see an optician (I already wear contacts or glasses). The midwife wants to see me again next week to look at my blood pressure again, but otherwise the baby is fine and my bloods came out fine. They have encouraged me to take things slow and take multivitamins and if it continues contact my GP. I have had a very good pregnancy other than this blip and the baby is certainly a wriggler so I feel a lot better.

The other issue...Well we have spoken. He was very upset with how much he has hurt me and very sorry. He knows we have a lot of work ahead for me to rebuild my trust surrounding this and we certainly don't have the same relationship right now, but I am confident with perseverance and hard work we can build it back to what we had. I won't lie - I keep wishing he hadn't done it in the first place because I feel like things at the moment are spoiled. But as part of the discussion I gave him the option of walking away from me and this idea upset him more than I have ever seen him upset...so hopefully we can both be strong and work through it.

Thank you again for all your replies. I appreciate it greatly especially when feeling so alone.

Glad you and the baby are well. I hope the rest of your pregnancy stays trouble free. As to the other matter, well done for talking and I hope you manage to rebuild your relationship.