Sex in pregnancy (and afterwards) - mixed feelings

[Nibblonian]

I've only posted once before here and that was to ask when I should POAS given that I have PCOS.

Well, it turns out I am pregnant and am now 9 weeks along. Dating it back, it appears I got pregnant the first time we had sex without condoms. As an aside, I hope that might give some PCOS ladies out there some hope!

My 'issue' is how I currently feel about sex. At this point I'd like to say sorry to anyone who might interpret my concerns as pretty marginal, particularly if they're struggling to conceive and so on.

I have no history of miscarriage and no problems so far in pregnancy so no reason not to have sex. However, my husband and I have both felt a bit reluctant despite knowing that there's no reason to avoid sex. Over the last couple of weeks though (in between nausea and exhaustion!) I've felt, ahem, a rather primal attraction to my husband and I suggested we give sex a go last week. A few minutes into proceedings and I promptly burst into uncontrollable, embarrassing sobbing which freaked him (and me) out completely. I think it struck me that my body isn't 'mine' anymore and that I feel an acute sense of loss for our very satisfying sex life pre-pregnancy.

Now I still feel very sad, to the point of being teary, about this even when just thinking about it all. I feel frightened that things won't ever be the same again or that I might be permanently and negatively altered by childbirth and so won't experience again just how good sex has been up to this point.

I realise this is getting a bit long-winded and I do feel pretty shit that my strongest feelings about the pregnancy so far are a sense of loss and worry about my future sex life. I am happy to be pregnant, I think I just feel a bit 'robbed' of enjoying TTC when I got pregnant immediately.

Again, I'm sorry if this is all sounding very sorry for myself but I'd like to invoke the hormonal mess defence!

Has anyone had similar experiences/feelings? What did you do/how did you manage them? And what happened afterwards?

Hey,
Your body and hormones are changing at an amazing rate so youll probably feel a whole range of emotions ver the coming months. What I would say, however is don't feel 'robbed'. It took me six years and IVF to be getting the chance to be a mum due to pcos so getting pg immediately is defo preferable to struggling and not knowing if it will ever happen.
I'm sure your sex life will return and there will be the added excitement of fitting it around a baby/toddler/infant.
X

I have to say I didn't experience the same thing as you regarding sex, but at 9 weeks I was a ranting, crying, hormonal mess.

Honestly, at one point I told DH that I thought I was having a nervous breakdown! I'd get a bit "fixated" on stuff and then get really bothered and upset. I've also cried during sex too, I think because it sort of lets your emotions out.

So, I hope I don't sound like I'm minimising your concerns, but I wouldn't be surprised if after another 3 or 4 weeks it all sort of settles down and goes away on its own....

Cakebump makes a very good point - at this stage, all bets are off in terms of hormone stability :) There's lots of funny stories on here about things we've all cried about - the funniest being, I remember, a woman who cried that the ducks in the park looked bored. So remember - there's a massive influx of hormonal changes going on!

I think also, to add to that, it does begin to dawn on you that this is a massive change to your lives as well. I'm 35+4 and still mourning the sex life DH and I had before. That represents our young, responsibility-less life of lie ins, drunkenness, completely absorbed in each other, cuddling in the morning, a sex life that was always so precious because of bad experiences in previous relationships. For six years, it was just us and it does freak me out a little - I've had moments of what will happen to us??

For a while I struggled with feeling like those very precious elements of our relationships were slipping away. DH hasn't wanted to have sex - we've done it a handful of times in these 35 weeks. I think he sees me as some kind of fragile vessel, which I really didn't expect from him So many changes already. I just wanted everything to stay the same when everything else in me is changing!

But it's all but just one part of your life, one small fleeting moment in the grander scheme of things. Your sex life will become something different after the baby is born but different doesn't mean bad. You'll make time, you'll make space, it will be good again! DH said to me the other day that he couldn't win - if he was pestering me for sex, I'd be annoyed. He's right, I just miss that intimacy - sex in a relationship is very important, IMHO and I got scared we'd not do it for months, get used to that, get complacent and that would be the end of us!

We've hardly had sex and I feel awful about it - am 35 weeks. At first I just felt too sick and exhausted and now it just doesn't feel comfortable with my bump - I can't move properly and feel really unattractive... Not that DH makes me feel that way at all. I guess it's that same `my body isn't mine anymore' feeling OP. I also just have no desire whatsoever and unfortunately I've retained my super sensitive gag reflex I developed during morning sickness phase, so other forms of pleasure for DH are out too He has been amazing and doesn't complain at all and we do lament the pre-pregnancy times and talk about how rubbish it is that we're not having sex, but there's no blame involved. Just hoping it doesn't take long to get it back when baby's here... Will be making a special effort!

Massive congrats!!

Know exactly where you're coming from but if it's your first pregnancy it takes a bit of getting used to that things "feel" different. Also I'm wondering if the relief/shock is setting in and the reality that life is about to change forever. If so well done on being so self-aware. It's good because you can address those feelings and into your 2nd trimester when you may become a little bit more able to see the wood from the trees, you can start to enjoy your new nerve-endings!!:-)

Don't worry it's all perfectly normal-your midwife will reassure you of that too.