Feelings of guilt and sadness

[JoinTheDots]

Ok, to start, I know I am lucky to be pregnant as many people struggle, but has anyone out there felt like me?

I have 1 dd who is 2. She has developmental delays so looks and behaves younger. She is very dependent on me (I am a stay at home mum with no family nearby) and not always confident in new situations. I am still breastfeeding her and she still wakes in the night. I am fine with this, I was bf until I chose to stop, and slept in my parents bed til I chose to stop - I loved my childhood and wanted to give the same opportunity to dd.

Now I found out I am pregnant again, due May 2013. This is after a contraception failure as we really were not ttc.

I feel guilty and sad for dd. I am going to have to sleep train her and get her in her own room and at least night wean her, preferably wean her altogether. I do not want to feed a toddler and a newborn, or see to 2 night time wakers.

Gone are my hopes that she gets to chose when she is ready to do these things.

I also feel like she is not ready for a sibling, her special needs mean she needs so much attention, I don't think a new bother or sister is best for her just yet. Next year, probably. But I am now.

I really want to feel joy and excitement but it just isn't there :(

I have no experience of this but just couldn't read and run. and for you. It may be worth looking on Attachment Parenting UK or one of the gentle parenting sites for advice on how to wean your daughter with as little stress for you both as possible.

I presume from your post that you have already decided to continue with the pregnancy? If you feel you can't, there wouldn't be anyone who would judge you if you made the difficult decision to terminate (apologies if this isn't something you consider to be an option).

I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. It sounds like you could do with some support from someone who has knowledge and experience of this specific situation (if you are intending to go ahead with the pregnancy, which it sounds like you are), but also possibly some support from a perinatal counsellor if your feelings persist. I whole heartedly agree with rockchick, and wonder if the charity/ organisation 'contact a family' could put you in touch with anyone who has direct experience of having a second child close to the first with particular needs, not least some advice about how to support DD when baby comes. I don't know if this is what would help you or not but you sound like you need outside support, whether its how to approach sleep training etc, support with the emotions you are experiencing, or being in touch with people who've experienced a similar situation. Hugs and best wishes xx

www.cafamily.org.uk/advice-and-support/