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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

dh can't come to 20 week scan, go alone?

28 replies

JoJoCK · 07/09/2012 22:01

My 20 week scan is next week, and dh can't come. (covering for colleague, v important work meeting, am v pissed off with him but that is another story!) So, should I go alone? The only person who can feasibly come is my mum, but I'm really not sure whether to ask her. Part of me feels if dh can't come no-one else will do but maybe that is just the pregnancy hormones talking!

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IvanaNap · 07/09/2012 22:03

Why are you unsure about your mum? Do you have a close friend? I would love to come

You should be able to change it, have you tried calling to ask?

Neverme · 07/09/2012 22:04

I've got this potential dilemma for 12 week scan in a few weeks as dh also unable to get out of work. Have concluded that if he can't come, no one else should. Only thing is if there is some kind of bad news and having to drive myself home - guess i will cross that bridge when I come to it.

RancerDoo · 07/09/2012 22:04

I took my mum in a similar situation. It was fab - back in her day they didn't get scanned and it was nice sharing it with her.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/09/2012 22:04

Change it, don't go on your own.

MoonHare · 07/09/2012 22:05

Can you rearrange your appointment? Might be worth a phone call to the scan dept. just in case.

Otherwise, definitely take someone else with you. I'm sure your baby will be absolutely fine but remember this is the 'anomally' scan and the sonographer is specifically looking for things that may be wrong. Not news you want to hear when alone. Plus when you find out that all's well it would be lovely to have someone in the room to share your joy and sense of wonder.

Emmiedarling · 07/09/2012 22:09

I went on my own. I don't have a husband/partner and my Mum, bless her, is hundreds of miles away.

You will be able to manage just fine if that's the way it turns out! If youd prefer not, take a friend?

YeahBuddy · 07/09/2012 22:10

I went on my own to all my scans, it was horrible . Your mum might be really pleased to be asked if changing appointments isn't an option.

ToothyMcTooth · 07/09/2012 22:17

I would def take someone. Have you got a friend who could come along? This scan is called the foetal anomaly scan, it is making sure that the baby seems ok. It is not something I would recommend anyone does alone.

I took my mum to one of my scans and she was delighted but only you can decide if you'd want her there if anything wasn't quite right.

As others have said I would def try to change the appt and if not find someone to come with you.

Original poster

JoJoCK · 07/09/2012 22:19

Thanks guys, good advice. I am gonna try to change it, although dh is being a right royal pain in the arse so am not sure why I'm bothering!!

OP posts:

lydiamama · 07/09/2012 22:23

I went to both my 12 and 20 weeks scans on my own, as hubby was working. I got the most beautiful pictures of DD at the 20 weeks, land took them back to DH. They could not measure her head on the 20 weeks appointment, so I had to go back, and so lucky it was hubby's day off, so he could see her.
So you still may be lucky. Changing appointments was difficult in my hospital, I hope it is easier for you if that is what you want to do. But I did not find that going alone was any big deal at all, it was very natural to me (my family leave very very far away so I am used to be on my own for hardly everything, really)

AbbyRue · 07/09/2012 22:26

I went on my own to both the 12 & 20 week scans as DH had to stay at home with the DCs since it was half term on both occasions!

I was fine with it actually but if it means much to you, change the date.

EverybodysDoeEyed · 07/09/2012 22:34

I went to my 12 wk on my own. DH was out of the country and DM was looking after my first.

Was fine - i took a photo of the scan and sent it to him

roundynotsquary · 07/09/2012 22:37

You could take her and ask her to wait outside until you feel ready for her to be called in (eg after heartbeat confirmed)

Longdistance · 07/09/2012 22:42

I took my mum to both my 20 week scans. Dh came to the 12 week scans, and then was happy all fine then with babies. We did though go for private sexing scans at 25 weeks.

panicnotanymore · 08/09/2012 08:48

Going on your own is very easy if everything is ok, but I would take a friend just in case there is a problem. I have been surprised by just how supportive my friends have been in all sorts of situations, and I am sure yours will be the same.

whatsoever · 08/09/2012 08:49

Definitely either take your mum or rearrange. Two reasons: bad news on your own is just dreadful and good news you can't IMMEDIATELY share with someone you love is less enjoyable.

PurplePidjin · 08/09/2012 09:01

I had to go back on my 20 weeker because they couldn't see some bits properly. Took my mum and she was thrilled to get a chance to see her 1st gc. But then, i have the kind of mum who is supportive, so it depends on your relationship.

I would recommend having someone to discuss it with afterwards, though!

Startailoforangeandgold · 08/09/2012 09:17

I took my 2.5 y old DD1 (DH) was in Europe with work.

Never thought about them finding anything wrong. Daft really as we had lots of fuss over low fluid levels and growth scans for DD1, but that started later.

Certainly never struck me to take a friend and DM/DSIS live a fair way away. Had they lived next door I'd have left DD1 with them, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to take anyone, but DH.

I don't mind doing things on my own, never have. Anyway, to be totally hard hearted I already knew I would terminate for any serious abnormality.

That was DH and I's promise to each other before TC DD1 and it stood even more so with her to consider.

Startailoforangeandgold · 08/09/2012 09:22

Ah purple, you see, I'm much better at bad news on my own. I like a good cry and rant and rage in private before having to tell anyone else.
Especially as DH and my parents will instantly want to be practical and I want to be cross first.
I know the practical bunch also get privately just as upset if not more do, but don't like talking. I tend to want to delay doing that to them.

sparklekitty · 08/09/2012 10:28

I had this issue with my 12 week scan and I called, explain that DH was working and couldn't take the day off (he's a PC) they were lovely and simply rearranged for later that week when he could make it. I'm so glad I did. I'm very close to my mum and she ended up coming to an emergency growth scan with me at 36 weeks but the 12 and 20 week ones wouldn't have been the same without DH.

imustbepatient · 08/09/2012 13:09

I would try to rearrange if poss. If not poss then as others have said, just think about whether you would want anyone there if you get bad news (which I'm sure you won't!) and if yes then who the best person would be. For my first pregnancy I got a little bit of brownish bleeding at 11 weeks so went for a scan without DH as he was overseas for work. I had convinced myself it would all be fine but in fact they confirmed it was a MMC. I was pretty distraught but the staff were great, took me into a separate room where they counsel people in that sort of situation, until i had calmed down and could safely drive. My parents don't live in this country and my (v lovely) sister in law and mother in law both said I could have asked them to go. In hindsight I probably should have but then again I don't think I would have felt any better with anyone else there if it couldn't be my DH. You know yourself best as to what you would want in that situation so go with your instincts. Best of luck for the scan.

InchyInchy · 08/09/2012 15:23

My DH was out of the country for my 12 week scan and I took my best friend, it was lovely because afterwords we went for lunch and discussed loads of baby things. It's a shame DH couldn't come but it was still a great experience.

Personally I wouldn't have wanted to go by myself just in case the news isn't the best - happened to me once and I was like a zombie, no way I was getting myself home.

Original poster

JoJoCK · 08/09/2012 23:23

I feel much better about it all now after all your wise words ladies! What would I do without mumsnet! My mum will come if I can't change the appointment, defo the best plan for me personally rather than going alone.

OP posts:

RedBlanket · 08/09/2012 23:30

I took my mum to one of mine, she loved it. Never had them when she was pg, so she thought it was amazing.

HowMessy · 08/09/2012 23:36

I have to go to most on my own, I have them so often that it's not feasible for people to come every time. Mine are all looking for issues. My 12 week scan I had to take my 6yo because I didn't even have enough babysitters.

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