17 weeks and deeply depressed

[1stbabyat30]

I can not put my finger on why I feel so low - I am sure other women at my stage are gliding around in heels and pretty tops busy as a bee, working, socialising, exercising etc. I on the other hand am pretty much house bound.

I feel utterly fat - much like a beach ball. I havent been out in a week and the thought of leaving the house worries me - especially on my own. I have become incredibly paranoid that my partner will leave me, that he's seeing someone else or that things aren't right between us - which could be completely in my mind.

I have recently moved away from my home town so have no friends or family around me and can't pop out for a coffee with a mate. I work part time through agencies and havent been offered anything since they found out I am pregnant so I literally have nothing to do. I have had terrible sickness and have absolutely no energy.

Don't know what I want from this - I'm a tad embarrassed to go to my GP about depression and just keep hoping for a miracle cure - but not sure there is one. I never thought being pregnant would make me feel so low. Has anyone else felt this bad?

Please, please talk to someone. Even if just on here. You sound a lot like me - I moved to a new area just after getting pregnant and the only people I know are DH's friends and their partners, who all have busy lives of their own! I also gave up a great full time job for a part time job that hasn't been as fulfilling. I worried about my body, about my living circumstance (with in-laws) and that I'd make a terrible mother because I just didn't feel ready. At my lowest point, I wished for a miscarriage. I hated being asked whether I was excited, because I wasn't.

The thing that has really helped is talking to my husband and being reassured by him that it's OK to feel the way I do. I've also been advised to talk to my midwife so will mention how I feel to her at my next appointment.

Do little things to keep you sane. A walk around the garden? Watch a favourite movie? I like to Skype my mum a lot. Even though I don't speak to her about how I feel, just seeing her face makes me really happy.

thanks mcsquared - your message has made me well up. I don't think I am excited about it either. I feel very anxious at the thought of labour - and I watched 3 minutes of one born every minute a couple of nights ago and couldnt sleep with worry. I guess I don't feel independent anymore and deeply reliant on partner - which I really don't like because I like knowing that if things arent right you can walk away - which isnt so easy now. Unfortunately don't have a garden so if I am feeling particularly low I dont get any fresh air at all. My partner isnt being too supportive at the moment because he finds it hard to understand why I am so low and paranoid.
Thanks so much for your message

Sounds like ante-natal depression to me OP, worth a chat with your MW to see what support there might be available. I have a history of depression so they ask me how I am frequently and have let me know there is extra support should I need it, which makes me feel like there is a safety net there.

MW might also be able to suggest something totally non-medical like a mums-to-be social group you could go to and have a bit of company/meet new people, which sounds like it might help a bit?

Hunni i feel u Im in same boat.. desperate for this baby but its made me so ill and down.. so sick and now worried cos Im having abdomen pain so been told to rest...
Isolating!!!!
Iv no family or friends within a 100 miles and iv been docs for tablets
he said up to me but no recommended fabulous!
I sit crying alot too... hugs
can u pm on mum net??

I'm 17 weeks as well and I can assure you that there are lots of us on here feeling frumpy, fat, tired and depressed. I'm certainly not walking around in heels and floaty tops I can promise you. I would really urge you to talk to someone about it - have you spoken to your partner?

Please talk to your midwife about this. I had a history of depression and my MW actually understood me better than anyone I'd seen before. They are geared up to recognising the signs of antenatal depression, and are not judgy.

After having a baby things do change, but not always in a bad way. Having children introduces you to a whole new way of making new friends, and gives you a new confidence. You won't know this until it happens but its true.

Yes definitely speak to your GP or MW. If it helps I've also felt insecure in my marriage during both my pregnancies, which is nuts as DH has never given me any cause to worry. Hormones!

I really hope you feel better soon.

Thanks so much everyone. It makes me feel a lot better to know I am not the only one. I think it's not having my friends here that is making me most upset. I am very isolated and thought I would have easily made friends here but so far no luck. Not that I have tried hard with finding out I was pregnant and then really feeling no good for socialising.
I will try to talk to my MW but just find it so difficult to tell people and I know I will cry - and I hate crying infront of people. I cant tell if partner is being completely different with me or if I am being ridiculously needy and needing 600% attention as opposed to just getting on with it and pulling myself together. I feel incredibly restless and bored and lonely. It's not like I can just go out when I am annoying him or he's annoying me - I have no where to go. Can't pop down the pub for a pint! It's dark, I don't drive - I guess I have no escape anymore! Will try to speak to the MW - thank you so much for all your kind words.

It does sound like antenatal depression and is completely understandable given what you describe. Pregnancy really can make some people very low, the hormones have different effects on different people. I suspect feeling embarrassed and ashamed to feel like you do and unable to explain it in some ways makes it worse - I've suffered/am suffering from this too, (partially due to an illness) half the battle is admitting there is a problem which isn't nice, esp in pregnancy as you feel you should be delighted and excited.

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/ is a charity who can offer support, at the least a chat, but you can also email if you find that easier. It could help you to work out how to verbalise how you feel to your partner or simply your doc or mw. Rest assured doctors and mws have seen many sobbing pregnant women - quite a few have seen me!

I hope you can begin to feel better soon xx

Hi OP, how are you today?

I know how you feel about talking to people. I was afraid that I'd look silly, but it was a huge weight off when I did talk about it. I'm really positive about talking to the midwife now because I feel a bit more confident.

Have you joined any antenatal groups? Pregnancy yoga or aquanatal can be a good way to meet other people! Most of the ladies at my aquanatal class are first timers and it's nice to chat to people with similar fears.

Outside of pregnancy related things, is there a hobby you've been meaning to take up? Even if just joining a book club or something. I felt like a shell of my former self after moving in with in-laws. No more cooking my own meals, having lazy evenings in front of TV in my pyjamas, all the things that used to keep me relaxed! I try and bake whenever I have the opportunity and find this really therapeutic. Do things that remind you of who you were before you felt like this.

OP, I've had ante-natal depression three times. It was only truly terrible with my last pregnancy and at times I felt like I was so worthless I might as well die. Eventually a friend made me ask for help and I saw a counsellor. It wasn't a miracle cure, but it helped alot.

Please please ask your MW for help. She can probably refer you to the right person with just a quick phone call.

The good news for me is that, each time the depression cleared instantly at the birth of each of my babies, and amazingly this 4th time round, I am still happy at 17+ weeks. Hope it goes well for you too.

Keep posting - you are not alone.

I'm 17 weeks tomoz :) I feel very up and down... snappy according to dp :-/ my mums a nurse and says it's totally normal :) I do feel for you, maybe take yourself for a nice Sunday stroll tomoz :) a good walk makes me feel better! I had no energy either so if you feel like that get yourself down Holland and barret and get some iron tablets, they work wonders!! just think your half way there to cooking a gorgeous little baby :) that's something to be proud of! chin up!! xxx

Wowee - can't believe how lovely and supportive all these messages have been - I really am overwhelmed! I feel a lot brighter this week after more or less having a breakdown at the end of last week and thinking the end was nigh for the partner and me - I sort of realised after many many tears and fights that it really is me being overly sensitive. I have finally got my appetite back after many many many weeks so I think that being able to hold down food is helping and my bump has grown much bigger in what seems like a weekend - which somehow makes me feel less fat and more pregnant - which for some reason makes me a tad happier. I spoke to my mum about my birth anxieties and she really really described it in a way that has left me much more relaxed about it - I also reached out (via email) to a close friend who was pregnant last year who was so so nice and so supportive that I really do feel so much better. There is a pregnancy yoga place very near to me so I am thinking of giving that a go - and you never know - I might even make a friend.
Once again - thank you SO much to everyone who has posted on here - you have made an emotional bag of hopelessness a lot better and hopeful about the future! Thanks for being so nice :-)

I also had antenatal depression during my second pregnancy I didn't know such a thing existed. I had feelings very much like you describe eventually I broke down and blubbed all over a midwife who was brilliant. I was referred to an obstetric counseling service and it really helped. Sign up for some ante natal classes its a great way to meet other expectant mums, my one word of caution is that everybody has a different experience of pregnancy so expect some women to be breezing it, some ambivalent and I bet there will be some just like you. Take care and I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

OP, thrilled to hear you're feeling better. It's amazing how up and down pregnancy can make us! Glad you reached out to your friend and I hope you enjoy the pregnancy yoga. Hope things stay positive for you. :)

I originally posted this message at 17 weeks and just wanted to update you or let anyone else who feels so low know how up and down pregnancy can be.

I can honestly say at 17 weeks I have never felt so down miserable and hopeless - as you can see from my original post. I couldnt eat, everything I ate or smelt made me feel sick, then I got some sort of awful bug that saw me in A&E overnight throwing up constantly for over a day, I was massively paranoid that the other half was sleeping around or planning on leaving me, I slept all day - I couldnt do my make up or hair or get out of my pjs - my poor boyfriend! I spent nearly all day crying.

Just 3 weeks later and I can not tell you how different I feel - I finally got my appetite back and can now eat my favourite foods! My sickness and heartburn have gone. My libido is through the roof (for the first time in my life), my relationship with bf is the best it has been - I am incredibly positive and honestly feel stress free and light. I like my pregnant belly and just feel fantastic. Nothing has changed in my situation - I still have no friends here and I still can't find work - but everything seems manageable and I think the only thing that has changed is my attitude - maybe my hormones. So - I just wanted to tell anyone out there who feels horrid during pregnancy that things can get so much better - you might even feel amazing! So hold on

Thank you for the update, great to hear! Keep on looking after yourself.

So glad you're feeling better OP!!! I was the same at 17 weeks - I'm a student studying remotely and got so depressed from being ill in bed all day/ being too weak to clean and cook/ vomiting constantly. It lifted around 20 weeks though I still get sick and I feel much better.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really well!!

Hi op, just wanted to say I had this last time, though I had no reason to feel down, like a horrible doom ridden feeling.

For me it didn't last too long, it was gone before the baby was born and I was fine.

Pg again and creeping in now at 19 wks. Not so bad though.

That is great to hear I do love a happy ending :)