Eldest child doesn't want us to be pregnant.

[iamstitch]

I am very happily 12 weeks. The baby was very much planned and wanted. It will be our 4th and final. After a late-ish loss last year (that only DH and I know about) we booked a private scan and happily all is well :)

We have waited until now to tell our DC and sadly out eldest DD is dead against it. She has an argument which in her mind makes sense (of babies being annoying etc) and has spent this evening crying.

What the hell do we do?

Well, you are only 12 weeks, she's got a lot of time to get used to it. I'd not mention it again for a couple of weeks, give her some time to get used to the idea.

I would ask her if she wants to talk about it, but make it clear that it doesn't make any difference, this is something she'll just have to accept is happening.

And congratulations!

My teenagers were 19&16 when i had my last baby.

They were not happy!

Think about it from the older dc point of view-babies are noisy,smelly etc but once ds arrived,they loved him&now 4years later adore him!

How old is your DD? Is she worried that she might be expected to look after the baby or take on more responsibilities?

I read somewhere (can't remember where) that for some children, having a new or additional brother or sister can be really unsettling, almost like a wife bringing home another husband - how would the original husband feel ?

Not saying that I agree with this, just that is a point of view which might explain her unhappiness .

Thank you for your replies. I do realise that it's a big shift for her but she's been desperate for us to have another baby for quite a while (not that that was a factor in if we did or not!) and so I'm quite she'll shocked by her reaction. I really thought she would be delighted

maybe there might be a slight hint of jealousy there too...now that there is another one ACTUALLY on the way maybe she is a tad worried that the new one will get more attention etc..Maybe by spending some extra time with her and make a bit of a fuss over her, she might feel a bit more calm about the whole new thing...After a while i am sure that she will get used to the idea and maybe also involving her in doing some things for the new baby will get her more involved and feel part of it..perhaps helping with deciding on nursery ideas, clothing, discussing names etc..

I think it was surprise and a bit of jealousy, but she announced this morning that she will let us have the baby!!! She thinks it will be nice! How very good of her

Thank you for your kind messages, my head was spinning last night.

Glad to hear she has come round to the idea. I agree that spending a bit of extra time with her might reassure her. How old is she?

Like you, I'm having my 4th, and so far have had a good reaction from the DC, although only the eldest can really understand (he's nearly 8). Hope they are happy when baby arrives.

Are your other DC happy about the news?

OP- lol at your daughter "letting you have the baby" hihihi how magnanimous of her... I am not having any other children but dogs cats and horses that already fight over my attention so I know I am gonna have to reasure and make an extra fuss of them as they might otherwise feel a tad left out..good luck with the new one!!

I am an oldest sibling. When you parents have babies it is a bit shit.

Think aout how wary some parents are before having a second child and cut er some slack!

We had the same thing - our DD1 is 8 and was not happy - well hysterical actually! We told her tough cheese and she got over it very quickly!

Yesterday we told them that the baby was predicted to be a girl and DD2 was hysterical saying she wanted a boy! She was also ignored and now she is very happy that she is going to have a little sister.

Glad to hear your DD has also come round and given her permission! Kids are so funny sometimes!

How old is your DD and how is she with change generally? when I was about 7 till 9 I really hated the idea of any changes at all - for example I remember being really upset that my parents were going to move the garden path . However when the changes happened I really didn't mind them as I recall, it was just the idea I hated.

My older sister was 15 when my mum got pregnant with my younger sister, dsis was disgusted and appalled as apparently old people shouldn't be having sex. I was 10 and mostly oblivious. I was a bit worried to start with but I soon got over it.