What would you do?

[HaggisNeepsTatties]

I'm currently 34w 3d with my first.
We live outside London and my granny (who lives in Scotland with the rest of my family) is very ill and deteriorating and may not have long to live (though doctors can't tell for definite...could be days, could be months)
My mum (their only child) doesn't want me to go back firstly because of the baby and secondly because she thinks I should remember her as she was rather than how she is now, but I don't think I could live with myself if I hadn't said goodbye.

It's an hours flight (then an hour and a half drive at the other end) but not sure if airlines would accept me this late even with a doctors letter, or it's about 8 hours by car or train.

What would you do?

If you would go - what do you think I should do "just in case" - obviously take my notes with me, but would you phone the local hospital? Take a "Mini" hospital bag?

I didn't say goodbye to my grandad because I was too busy with college and, frankly, a bit afraid of seeing him in a state (tbh I don't think he'd have wanted me to, either). I really regretted it for a long time, and lived with a lot of guilt about it. So personally, I'd do it, given the chance again.

I doubt you'll be able to fly but it's worth checking. Take your maternity notes and any essentials you think you'd need in labour, and maybe your DP too :o

goby train and take your notes - that's all I'd do
sorry to hear about the situation

Hi Haggis

I am very sorry your granny is so ill and really sympathise with your situation. I was in a similar(ish) position recently where my dad became really ill suddenly (he lives in Scotland and I am in the the south of England) - I am only 20 weeks but our visit was made much more complicated by amnio/cvs appointments (this was a few weeks ago).

In the end, we drove up the day after my amnio and got to spend some time with my dad (and it was the last time I saw him as he passed away 2 weeks later). It was worth it, but I was utterly wiped out afterwards (and have done subsequent repeat trip for funeral)

I really hope someone comes along and offers you some practical advice asap as I can't really help, but am thinking of you and understand why you want to go. With any luck, the flight option is still open to you and that someone can advise. Good luck x

i would go if i were you. my nan died from cancer and was really ill when she died i saw her like this and it hasn't changed the way i remember her. i would of regretted it if i didnt see her. good luck with what ever you choose

If your pregnancy has been relatively normal so far and trouble free, I would say go, absolutely. Probably not necessary to alert the local hospital there, but make sure you know where you'd need to go. I think you would regret it if you didnt go, and looking back afterwards would probably think oh I could easily have managed it, then beat yourself up about it :(.

If going by car take normal hospital bag, if going by train just take the absolute bare essentials for birth, bearing in mind hosp can provide you with a gown, towels etc. most of what you need for yourself will already have with you if you are planning an overnight stay, toiletries etc., so not a big issue there - if your baby is born at 35 weeks it is pretty unlikely the hospital are going to be kicking you out the very next day to be honest, so you would probably have a day or two to arrange stuff for baby (clothes nappies car seat and so on)

I'd go but go by train if possible, but otherwise by car with someone else driving and take your notes. I don't think you'll get accepted to fly that late but you could call the airlines to check. Bear in mind airports involve loads of walking, which can be quite uncomfortable that late on.

I'd go by train if I were you. It's your decision to see your grandmother to say goodbye. Not your Mum's.

I'd go and take the notes with me just in case. Will your Granny know you are there? I'm asking that because I rushed to see my Granny (who was also in Scotland) when we were told she had hours left to live. When our flight got in she was alive but unconscious - she died the next day.

I was relieved she was alive when we got there but still didn't really feel like I'd said goodbye properly. I wished SO much that we could have had more warning because if we'd got there a day earlier then she would have known that I'd come to see her and that I'd brought her great-grandchildren. I still feel sad she didn't know we'd come. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is - If your Granny will know then it might be better to go sooner rather than later.

I'd go, no question, but by train not car. I did a 3 hour car journey recently and felt sick, dehydrated and uncomfortable the whole way. I came back by train and actually enjoyed the journey. Book a seat in advance.

Thanks all, have decided to go after speaking to granny's doctor. His view was she probably has a few weeks, and is very lucid at the moment though struggling to speak now so would know I was there. He said beyond a few weeks it's more likely that something would happen suddenly so if I waited till after the birth could well be too late. Not sure about all airlines but BA will take you up till the end of 36th week if you have a letter from your doctor do flying up for a couple of nights next week. I know the local hospital (it's where I was born) so will take notes and will have toiletries etc if needed.

That's great that you have been able to make arrangements to go up and see your gran, and I'm so pleased that you can fly (when I looked into train prices as a possible option for my own trip up north, I was shocked to see that the train was several times more expensive than a flight!)

When I saw my dad, I knew it was for the last time and it was incredibly distressing, but the regret from not having gone would have been so much worse. And I was able to tell him about the baby, which lifted his spirits a huge amount.

Good luck, and have a safe trip