I'm 38 weeks pg with 2yo DD. MIL has undiagnosed rash and wants to visit - unreasonable to want her to stay away?

[DesperatelySeekingDistraction]

Need some advice and possibly a kick up the bum about this.

I'm 38 weeks pg. DD1 has just turned 2. MIL missed DD's party as she has a rash that the doc was investigating. Blood tests have come back without a diagnosis but MIL still has the rash (has had it for two weeks now) and has asked whether Saturday or Sunday is better for a visit. She says it will be okay as doc says he doesn't need to see her again.

I'm concerned that whatever she's got has made her feel really tired, rash and tiredness still not gone and no idea what it is. Apparently the blood tests were to test for a viral cause, and as nothing's come back then whatever she's got isn't a risk to unborn baby, DD1 or me. I had an awful experience giving birth to DD1, ended up very medical. I desperately want to avoid medical intervention if possible this time and am worried that if I get this rash it could end up being something that means my labour and birth will need intervention right from the start. I also don't want to end up dealing with an ill toddler for the fortnight preceeding my due date.

Am I over-reacting or should I insist (much to DH's and MIL's annoyance / upset) that I don't want to risk DD1, unborn DD2 or my health whilst MIL still affected?

It will go down like a tonne of bricks, but I'm neurotic I wouldn't want her over either. Can she put off her visit for a week?

Personally I'd be postponing the visit until either the rash is gone or the doctor knows what's caused it and is sure it's not contagious. I don't think you're overreacting at all, I think it's a bit rude of your MIL to assume it's OK to visit when she's unwell rather than asking if it's OK to be honest but then I'm probably a miserable cow a bit PFB and will continue to be so with DC2. They've only got you to look out for their health and it's only you that's got to give birth in the next month. Sorry but I think you need to put your foot down

It sounds like a perfectly reasonably request and if they are annoyed and upset then they are being very unreasonable. It's one thing if it is a non-specific rash with no other symptoms (could be contact dermatitis) but if your MIL was actually unwell, she shouldn't be coming anywhere near you.

Can you soothe her by saying that it will presumably be all gone in a week and provided it is, you would really appreciate her help and visit coming up to your due date. Even if you won't, it's a good opportunity for you to rest and prepare yourself mentally if you had a tough time last time around.

I think your MiL IBU not you. It's not worth taking the chance or risk yours, your DD and unborn child's health just say no x

Thanks everyone. I've phoned my community midwife who has pretty much echoed what has been said here in that it is too risky to see MIL if she still has the rash and we don't know what's caused it. Midwife also advised against DH and DD1 seeing MIL without me as if DD1 gets ill, at best I'll end up knackered prior to the birth from looking after poorly DD1 and at worst I'll end up with too which would mean being on medical ward, rather than midwife led unit from start of labour if they can't identify what the rash is and eliminate it as a cause for concern.

MIL's text this morning read "My blood results ok. Doc doesn't want to see me. Shall we come over Saturday or Sunday?" so I have just replied "Has your rash gone then?" Passive aggressive perhaps as I know from DH who spoke to her last night that she still has the rash, I was just hoping it'd prompt her to remember the conversation we had about whether she could come to DD1's party in which I said that if the Doctor couldn't find out what it was so we can be certain it is no risk then I didn't think I should see her until her rash had gone. I'm awaiting a reply.

Not looking forward to telling DH that midwife (and MN jury) say not to allow visit until MIL is clear of the rash. He'll think I'm being awkward because I don't want to see his parents. Although there's some history, I genuinely would never prevent DD1 from seeing her grandparents and getting her birthday presents unless there was a risk to DD1 or new baby.

Hurrah, the midwife has spoken! :o