Pregnancy and eating disorders - if afflicted, how did you cope?

[emeraldgirl1]

Just desp wanting any advice from anyone who's been or currently is pg and has had an eating disorder - how do you cope?
In my case I had binge eating disorder from age 18, took over my life until about age 26/27 and since then (am now 35) it's a very intermittent thing, I'd say I've mostly beaten it but it 'flares up' when I get stressed/anxious or (embarrassingly) occasionally if I'm very bored and directionless. Also has always flared up when I think about food too much eg when DH was on a v restrictive diet, it made me obsess over food way too much and it's a slippery slope.
Now am 10weeks pg and have just stupidly succumbed to a huge binge :( I feel awful but mostly I am concerned I will do this again and I desperately do not want to!!! It is hideous and bad for baby and of course for me.
I do see a great counsellor but she is away for several weeks.
DH is great but he is away til tomorrow, plus I don't want him to know I did this :(
I have never been able to confide in friends about any aspect of this.
Does anyone who's had an ED and been pregnant have any advice on how to cope with the problems? I am finding the need to think about food very difficult (I am nauseous a lot and have to constantly nibble and think about food I can face eating). I am also struggling with the mere idea of weight gain :(
Can anyone help at all?

I had bulimia and binge eating disorder and got pregnant whilst in 'recovery'.

I really panicked about gaining weight, and although I gained a fair few pounds in my first trimester due to sickness and only eating carby stuff, I seemed to even out after that. In total I only put 16lbs on, and I didn't restrict what I ate.

There were days when I panicked a lot. Such as one day when I baked some banana muffins then proceeded to eat the tops of all 6 of them. Eventually I learnt to laugh about it though, and put it down as pregnancy binges, not ED binges. I truely loved my body when I was pregnant for the first time ever. I actually seriously miss having a bump and boobs.

Try not to weigh yourself too much during your pregnancy, and remember that you are pregnant. You will gain weight, and you will eat more. Just as long as you manage to balance your diet, you'll be fine. You an Baby will get all the goodness you need :) Whenever you worry about your weight, picture that beautiful baby growing inside of you, and be proud of your body for what it's doing.

I hope that's helped a little bit and if you need to talk then you know where I am :)

wow hippieshake, that's such a great post thank you so much!!
I really like your idea of thinking of them as pregnancy binges, that would help I think.
I wish I could do the thing of picturing the baby growing inside me but right now - I don't know if it's cos I'm feeling so nauseous or if there's something else wrong with me :( - I can't bring myself to think of the baby at all. When I think about it I get panicky about the changes it's wreaking in my body, and not in a good way. It is a very-much wanted baby and I like to think I will be as good a mum as I can possibly be, but I always feared I would be 'bad' at the actual pregnancy bit; turns out even I managed to underestimate what a bad effect it would have on my mental state :(
I hate to say it but I can't even be proud of my body for this admittedly completely amazing thing; I am very detached from my body right now (I am choosing to be as I feel it is the only way I won't freak out) and it doesn't feel amazing, it feels terrifying and alien. I am so sorry and ashamed to have to admit that I feel this way. I know it sounds crazy and ungrateful. :(
But hippeshake, you have honestly reassured me a lot and made me feel less of a monster, thank you so much.

It's no problem :) I couldn't just read and not post.

I'm taking it that this is your first pregnancy? As soon as you start to get a bump it'll start to get better. I found that I really stopped worrying about my weight gain as soon as I felt her starting to kick (which was at 17 weeks). I could feel this wonderful life growing inside of me then, and I couldn't think about anything else. We had to try for over a year to have her, and it involved lots of tests and trips to the hospital. So I think that just being pregnant was so amazing that I ended up not caring how my body changed.

I did worry about what I'd be like afterwards, but now I just look at her little face and I know that I'm a Mummy now. I have to be responsible for her so she doesn't end up like I did.

Take this as a wonderful opportunity. It's a chance to focus on something other than food and weight, and it's something that can really help you change your lifestyle for the better :)

I had problems with binge eating all through my teens and 20s, sorted itself out in my late 20s.
I found I had to eat every 2/3 hours at the beginning to stop the nausea and none of it particularly healthy. I put on a lot of weight int he 2nd trimester but I have foundmy appetite has regulated considerably since about 25 weeks and back to eating healthily. You will also run out of room so you can;t binge!
My weight gain has evened off to where it should be acoording to the charts and feeling my baby move and kick has been motivating in terms of eating healthily and keeping active. I really struggled at the beginning with weight gain having managed to keep my weight stable for 10 yrs but have relaxed now, partly just acceptance an dpartly hormonal I imagine!
Good luck.