Smoking relatives?

[Lexiindisguise]

I'm 11+2 weeks and have a dilemma - my DH's Nan is quite elderly and a heavy smoker, when we go visit the house is full of it! We normally accept this is her house & visit frequently as we love seeing her, but the smell is so strong and my sense of smell is so sensitive I'm really not keen - and DH is adamant I shouldn't go as it's bad for me & the bean :(
We invited her to visit us for a weekend as she smokes outside & we'd love to see her - DH's father passed away and he is her only relative and we are all quite close. But she would much prefer we go to her - and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be rude but I think it would make me feel really awful at the moment, but if we don't go & tell her why she will think we are being unreasonable (her brother no longer goes to her house because of the smoke & she thinks he is being petty)
Should I go? If not, what shall I say?

Can you not... tell her the truth?

Loopy the trouble is she will be offended. She doesn't realise the house is so smoky -her brother is 92 with chest problems, but she told us she knows it's just that he can't be bothered to come as her house is fine :-/
I'm very fond of her & don't want to fall out with her either.

Tricky. Could you say you really enjoy seeing her, but are worried about your baby, and could she smoke outside while you are there? Or would the smell of the house still be an issue?

wild I think I could cope with the smell though it might make me really queasy. No way she'd not smoke in her own home though! I'm also worried it will be even trickier when the LO is here, though we have months before that will be an issue. Maybe I should just deal with it - I have no idea what the risk is?

Agree the issue will remain once your baby has arrived...

Depending on how often you see her, could you start making a habit of taking her out for lunch or coffee near her house? Not a sustainable strategy if you see her lots.

I'd be quite open about your worries about the baby though. Fingers crossed she will be so excited once he/she has arrived that she'll be quite happy to make compromises.

I have this issue too with mil, she smokes in her house although not while we are there but she'll sometimes literally be stubbing one out as we arrive so the smoke/ smell is still really strong and I hate sitting there for an hour+ knowing that me and ds (and unborn dd) are breathing it in.

She can't come to us as she doesn't drive atm and obv can't ask her to not smoke in her own house.

I really don't want to take tiny dd there in a couple of months, I'll put my foot down with dh and say she'll have to come to us.

wild the lunch out is a good idea actually. Would minimise the problem as I'd be in the house for less time. I'm hoping once the LO comes she will be more understanding as somehow a tiny baby seems more vulnerable than a woman in early pregnancy!
Desperatehousewife I totally sympathise, I don't want to be awkward or rude but this is a tough one :-/