psychological problems in pregnancy - normal or worrying?

[emeraldgirl1]

I'm about 9 weeks and feeling very very strange about the whole thing.

I have a history of anxiety and depression (though not been properly depressed for about 7-8 years) so I am aware I can be a bit of a basket case!!

I never thought I would be one of those lucky people who enjoy pregnancy, I always knew I would have a very hard time with the changing body thing (I suffered eating disorders when I was depressed) but I am taken aback by how iffy I am feeling already and my shape hasn't even started to change yet (bloat from constipation aside )

I was thrilled when I saw the heartbeat on an early scan but am struggling to find anything at all to enjoy about this at the mo. Of course constant nausea and the awful constipation don't help - constipation is a big misery as I already suffered badly before pg but had no idea it would get as bad as it is right now. My usual regime of laxatives isn't keeping me totally on top of the problem and it's just another thing making me miserable.

I am SO TIRED I can hardly believe it and just long to feel like myself again. :(

Please don't judge me but I am feeling that this is already taking over my life and my self in a way I cannot cope with - of course I always knew a baby would take over my life, I am not a idiot, it is for this reason that I delayed the decision to do this for as long as I felt I could. But I didn't anticipate how unlike myself I would feel during pregnancy. This is very scary to me as the way I got out of years of depression was to work very hard on building a certain kind of life and support systems and I fear that I will backslide if I feel so unlike 'me' all the time this early on.

This is probably all quite vague but if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it so, so much. I can't talk to friends about how I feel because I worry that they'll say (which is sort of what I think too!) that I am lucky to be pg, I wanted to be pg, and I should just get on with it!

But does it get any better when the nausea and tiredness eases? Or do some people just never enjoy this and still end up good parents? :(

I think it is very common to feel like an alien in the first 12 weeks. It is the huge surge of hormones that cause a lot of this. I would speak to your MW to see if she feels you are in need of more help though. With any luck, once the nausea and tiredness subside you will feel a bit more back to normal.

BettyandDon - that's it exactly!! I feel like an alien. Of course it doesn't help that family and the close friends I have told can only really talk to me about the pregnancy (I am not blaming them, I am pleased they are so excited) and so I feel even less like myself. And DH won't talk about it at ALL as he is so paranoid until 12w scan... So in two strange ways I feel quite isolated, even if I did feel (which I don't) that I could tell people how strange I am feeling.
I work from home so have too much time to think about things.
I have had three nights in a row of nightmares about things going wrong with the pregnancy so that has not helped.
I just feel that after 35 years I have suddenly become a different person and it scares me to death. :(
PS BettyandDon I do love your username... :)

I felt exactly like that - remember it getting better around 12 weeks.
The bone-crushing tiredness seemed to improve around then too. I actually felt really well from about 3-7 months. After that you get knackered again from the extra weight, but for me the first tri was much worse.

I know what you mean about the wieght gain fear, I had that too but once you get an obvious bump rather than looking bloated that gets easier too.
You'll feel the baby move at around 20 weeks and that's still the most amazing thing ever.

Really good luck with it all! It's so worth it in the end (my ds is 11w tomorrow )

Wommer thanks so much for posting your experience.
It seems very hard to find people to say they feel like this, maybe because a lot of people are just universally happy.
The tiredness is so extreme that I have no motivation to do anything at all (even plucking my eyebrows or brushing my teeth) which unfortunately mirrors the way i used to feel when I was badly depressed.
Very glad to hear you say it's all worth it and huge congrats on birth of ds!

I'm very surprised that nobody in RL has agreed about the 1st trimester exhaustion (tiredness isn't a big enough word) and generally feeling miserable in that period. I'm on #2 & had a really easy pg first time around, but even then, I was exhausted to the point of collapse until about 14wks. After that, I felt like I was 'back to normal'. However, I wouldn't say I felt constantly happy every week for the 39+wks...

This time, the MS got to me so much that I was swearing off having any more kids EVER. However, now at 26wks, I'm contemplating a 3rd baby (all being well with this one obviously) and am surprised at how good I often feel. I'm running around after a 2yo too, so some days I feel like death warmed up and exhausted again too.

I echo other posts and suggest you mention it to your MW, esp given your MH history, so that should your mood fail to lift when the hormonal changes start to settle, you can get the support you need. Take one day at a time, try to find the positives in how you're feeling today, and hopefully you'll start feeling a bit more connected with the process after the scan.

I had a history of anxiety and depression before I had my first baby.

I found pregnancy difficult, stressful, emotional, depressing, isolating, lonely, scary and many other adjectives!

I suppose I suffered with anti-natal depression but never had it formally diagnosed.

I have three children so it never put me off that much (!) but if truth be told I hated pregnancy and that feeling of being out of control. I had an internal feeling of 'ickyness' the whole time.

I never glowed. Glowered maybe

With 1/3 of my pregnancies I was sick for 9 months - sheer hell. 1/3 I only had some MS up to 12 weeks. 1/3 I just felt a bit sick for 9 months.

The only good thing about not enjoying pregnancy is the ecstasy that comes when it's over - the joy I felt after each baby was born

Oh and there is a pregnant woman stereotype where you are meant to be serene and contentedly stroking your belly. No nausea, constipation or indigestion just complete and permanent gratitude that you are pregnant
Because if you moan about being pregnant you are being so unkind to all the women who can't have babies or their babies die so you just have to quietly put with how you're feeling.
I struggled to conceive so I was NEVER allowed to momentarily complain about how I felt because of all the ladies who NEVER conceive

I wanted to write and say how good it is that your so self aware of your feelings in this pregnancy. Having such insight may not feel like a good thing but it is. The first 3 months are pretty horrible for everyone and I say this as one of those irritating people who love being pregnant but is does get better when the nausea and debilitating fatigue settles

Please keep being aware of your feelings and if you feel your slipping into how things use to be please see your MW/GP straight away.

The first Tri is horrible (I'm only Sixish weeks). I am so exhausted I can barely move my eyes. I cried this afternoon as I am so shattered. DH has just taken DD out so I can lie down. Then there's the anxiety coupled with not wanting to tell anyone (have told PILs and my parents, but not sibs, in case I need childcare or to attend appointments).

It does get better though. With DD, once the first twelve weeks were over, I felt great. I hope this is the case for you (and me).

emerald, I felt very similar in my last pregnancy, IMO the first trimester sickness/exhaustion pest time. depression and isolation fed

Sorry! Right yes, first trimester the worst but it gets better. I had depression about 5 or so yrs before I got pregnant previously. You do sound very self aware and have thought through how you've helped yourself previously. Maybe it would help if you start planning (as you go along, I know its warly days!) how you can create a support network for yourself for when the baby is here. A few things that I had in place that helped me to feel more myself, like I had time to myself and was supported:

• found a really good antenatal yoga group that I started from 12 weeks and then antenatal group with my partner (kind of like NCT but with independent lady). I also went to a postnatal group with her which was really helpful. I met so many good friends that I could share things with here. They were my key support network in the early days.
• from the word go, me and partner shared as much of the day to day child are and things that needed to be done at home as possible.
• from quite early on (6ish weeks) I expressed an eve bottle of milk and left my daughter with her dad for an hour few times a week to go swimming.
• tried to get out for as much fresh air as possible during the day
• saved some money before hand and treated myself to luxury body lotion and shower gel

Some if these may seem trivial things but they really helped lift my mood at times. I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but I'll just add that you are def not alone in feeling this way.

The first trimester is such a roller coaster of emotions. We tried for a long time to conceive ds and I remember feeling really guilty for weekend 7 - 12 because I thought I'd made a massive mistake!!

The physical symptoms of pregnancy should ease off in the second trimester and the emotional ones def did too. I don't think I was really excited til about week 12 or 13.

I'm roughly 6 weeks pregnant now (I think) and going through it again but at least this time I know the feelings are normal and they will ease up soon.

Good luck op I hope you sail through pregnancy - the baby at the end is def worth it :)

Hi, I can't help with the 'will it get better once baby is here' questions, but can totally empathise with everything you've said - I'm hating really disliking every minute of being pregnant. Heck, I could've written this OP!

I too left it as long as I could to decide to have a baby (I'm 34) and then when I got pregnant after 2 months I was (and still) get anxious about whether it's the right thing. It upsets me that my body's changing and I can't control it and it upsets me that I get upset by this iyswim! But as someone else said, it has got easier as my bump is looking more like a bump but I still get a little panic when I see myself from a side view!
I have a history of depression and apart from once, refuse to take medication as I believe my depression is situational and I can do things to control it. I broke down the last time I saw my midwife and she has told me to see my doctor to see if there's anything he can give me. I also suffer from constipation and like you, the laxatives I can take aren't doing the job as well as the ones I used to take!

I've tried talking to certain people about this - mother, sister, friends and they have all upset me with their comments and remarks - they were trying to be nice but they don't understand. So I don't mention anything to them now. The only person who understood was one friend who told me I was brave and had guts to admit to feeling this way. I think too much pressure is put on women to be the stereotype (like all things in life!) so when people come along who jeopardise this stereotype, they're seen as weak/bad people when instead they should be celebrated for speaking out!

All the advice I can offer is, don't beat yourself up about feeling like this - it'll make you feel worse. Instead, take some time to relax and do what you enjoy doing. I've been tired all throughout my pregnancy and don't think I've even looked at a duster or the vacuum cleaner (I also work 9-6 Mon-Fri so I'm not just lazy!), but I think, hey ho, the dust can't be that bad otherwise DH would've done something about it lol!

Hope you feel better soon
I know it's not the 'mumsnet' thing to do but feel like you need some hugs and kisses
x( )x( )

Just adding to the thread.. like you have had a history of depression (last major episode prob about 8 years ago). Am now 37+4 weeks pregnant and whole pregnancy has been a bit up and down in terms of emotions and feelings. My main advice is to get support and talk to friends/family/partner.

I was really worried about talking to my husband, as was worried about how he would react to all the different emotions, but he has been incredibly supportive and he has always said throughout that he wants to know how i've been feeling rather than to keep everything to yourself. Agree with MB34.. do not beat yourself up over your feelings and do stuff that you enjoy doing.. big hugs

and I'm another one who has a history of anxiety / depression - in fact, felt so messed up a few weeks ago I started a post about it (and found it so helpful to receive lovely responses from people).

I was not enjoying, my first trimester was awful, exhaustion too, tiredness is a bit of a misleading term, I couldnt stay awake and couldnt function. and then ante-natal depression kicked in and I, like you, had no motivation to do the simplest things, getting off the sofa was a mammoth task. signed off work, everything looked a bit desperate.

then I got back in touch with my psychiatrist who told me I could in fact take a low level of medication (I had stopped it on the assumption that I couldnt take it), re-started me on psychotherapy, and generally just got me treated again. it made all the difference.

and then that coincided with feeling physically better (apart from the constipation - also a permanent, non-pregnant sufferer so no surprises there), and now things are looking pretty bright to be honest.

I feel differently about everything, more optimistic, more calm, more happy. all I can say is that things were so dire and looked so awful, and now they look really good (I'm 21 weeks) that they may well for you too!

my advice is:

• give yourself a break, let yourself have a low patch
• forget about how you are supposed to feel, clear from this post that its by no means unusual to feel the way you do
• make sure you are being looked after by healthcare professionals whether medication or psychotherapy or counselling is your thing
• expect the unexpected, just when you think its never getting better it may do just that
• dont pin your hopes on 12 weeks - you dont wake up on the morning of 12+1 feeling great, I was 14/15, but remember you may then have a dramatic difference
• tell yourself how well you are doing, no mean feat doing this pregnancy lark when you've got a complex MH history
• keep posting here when you need support - it helps the rest of us too

good luck and take care!

I felt absolutely rubbish for the first 4 months and couldn't enjoy it at all. I'd never been so ill or so exhausted. I felt absolutely useless to everyone and had no social life. In that situation, anyone would become depressed!

I also have a history of depression but I am now 18 weeks and feel amazing. It will pass, and you will feel better. That said, pregnancy is tough on your body and mind, and not something you should take lightly.

Monitor yourself, and if you feel it's getting serious, talk to your midwife about counselling. Antenatal depression is very real and help is available.

Thanks SO much everyone for replies, not only hugely appreciated but incredibly helpful. I am relieved I have to say to hear that I am far from the only one to feel this way. Close friends and family I have told are of course sympathetic to the sickness and extreme tiredness but I don't feel comfortable telling them how down and anxious I've been feeling.

IT's been better the last couple of days because I've forced myself to do some exercise and to try to carry on as normal wherever possible, going to see a film etc. This always used to help when I was depressed in the old days so I know it's important to carry on with that kind of stuff now.

I still feel freaked out to the point of nausea, though, every time I so much as glance at one of the pregnancy books on my shelf. A friend very sweetly bought be one with pictures etc so I could (like she did) know what it was looking like week by week but the mere thought of this makes me feel dreadful :(

I feel so awful about that because this baby is so very much wanted and (bear with me, this may sounds really crazy!) I don't want it to get any kind of a sense from me that it isn't wanted. I know that sounds insane as it's just an embryo at the moment but I don't want to be passing any misery and stress to it. I keep dimly remembering studies that 'show' that babies with anxious mothers can pick up on anxiety in the womb and it may affect their emotional development later - having been born to a hyper-anxious and depressive mother myself this is the last thing I want to inflict on my child!! :(

I'm also trying not to get too worked up about the weight thing but (I think it's probably just bloat) I feel I am already starting to 'look' pg at only 9w and I hate it. I have an athletic build and worry a baby bump is going to make me look like a freak, unlike all the curvy, petite women I see who carry it daintily. I know this shouldn't matter but my previously positive body image is something I cling on to for dear life as it has taken me so long (10 years at least) to get to a point where I feel happy with myself. I've done this largely through making sure I work out and keep in shape, a control-freak thing maybe but I can honestly say it has worked for me and I have had a very good body image and beaten ED because of this. The thought of losing that control is very scary to me indeed.

Anyway, this has turned into a bit of a moan, not at all what I intended, sorry . I really did just want to thank everyone for sharing their advice and their own experiences (MB34, it is uncanny how similar your story is to mine, right down to the fact that I conceived faster than I thought I would!!) so I am really, really grateful. I just need to be vigilant about the depression I think, and not let myself slip into it without being aware.

The first few months feel like being hit by a truck repeatedly imo. Bone crushing tiredness combined with nausea and migraine, awful!

The middle bits not to bad, and then the uncomfortable stage begins again although it's better than the first bit as you get the excitement of feeling kicks and folding and refolding teeny tiny clothes to distract you.

I am pregnant with number 4 and a single parent and have found the first 16 weeks hard. Hardest for me is 12-16 weeks. Just not having 5 minutes to rest has knocked me about.

MammytoMany - single parent and with 3 already - you have my undying admiration, my dear! You must be exhausted but I am really heartened by the fact that you have done this so many times as it shows it must be worth it!!
Yes, being hit by a truck, repeatedly, is an excellent way to describe it and now the way I will try to describe it to my DH. It's unlike any mere 'tiredness' I have ever felt. And you're right, combined with delightful waves of nausea and general aches, it's just no fun at all. What i'm hoping (desperately) is that this bit is so bad that the first few months of having the baby actually there will seem like a breeze [I do realise this is wishful thinking...]

I asked my lovely midwife whether there was any danger of passing on anxiety to my baby, and whether the baby might pick up on any doubts I had, and the answer was a resounding no! so you mustn't worry about that.