Disappointed with Midwife Already - or is this the Norm?

[Emus]

Please tell me if I'm being over sensitive!!

This is my first pregnancy and I'm currently 9+5. Last week I met my midwife for the first time and was really excited about it! Since then I've been left a bit disappointed and annoyed for the below reasons:

I was given a sample pot by my midwife and told to drop it in the following morning which I did complete with the relevant paperwork that my midwife printed for the test. She said she would text me later that day. She didn't.

I text her the following day but still no reply. I then called the doctors surgery to see if my results were in only to be told that because I didn't label the test pot the sample was destroyed. Now at no point was I made aware that it was my responsibility to label the flipping pot! I mean, who has labels at home, surely this is the surgery responsibility. I delivered it I side a sealed bag with the paperwork so my details were there. I text my midwife again to tell her this and still no reply.

This morning I called her and left a voicemail telling her what had happened and what do I need to do next etc. she finally replied in a kirt manner that I need to collect another pot and as requested I need to label it and drop it back in.

This should be an exciting time for me but already I'm starting to wonder if my midwife experience isn't going to be a particularly happy one, especially as she seems so crap at replying (which also happens to be a pet hate of mine!).

I know she's probably really busy and has more important problems to deal with and I'm probably over reacting!! Am I or does this sound like a normal midwife experience?

Did any of you have to label your own urine samples?!

Thanks for listening! Xx

Sounds like a simple misunderstanding to me, and yes at our surgery if we take a sample in they check when you drop it off that it has your name on it before they take it. You'll probably find from now on you'll just take one in every time you see her and she'll test it there and then, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue for the remainder of pregnancy.

Also if your MW is replying to voicemails within an hour or so you're lucky, mine doesn't reply for 2-3 days and says if you need anything urgently call the surgery or delivery suite.

Yes, its normal for pots to be labelled (common sense), but who does it isn't really important.

Personally I would not set myself up in opposition to the midwife. She probably is busy, and yes, there are more critical jobs that she will do for you in circa 7 months time which will make the administration of this test seem quite irrelevent. That's the moment you want the midwife to be responsive.
If I were you, I'd take the long view and forget this (for your own sake).

I've never had to put my own label on a sample pot but I do fill in the one thats on there already.

I would imagine that she's stupidly busy atm. I have to say whenever I speak to any of the MW's (I have contact with different ones as I'm booked with a MLU) they are always very friendly. I have come across one that got cross with me when I didn't bring my notes with me to have blood checked for slap cheek but I'd just come from work. I'm sure as you get to know her and the way they all work things will become a bit better.

I felt really deflated after my first MW appointment with my first pregnancy. After taking my test I rang the surgery as I had no idea what to do next. Was told to make an appointment which I duly did but the MW basically said I'd made the appointment too early (was about 5 weeks) & just wasn't interested at all. And she got all huffy when I said I didn't want to give birth at the local hospital but the one I work at.

I didn't let it affect the rest of my pregnancy though. Some midwives are better than others.

Thanks guys - I thought I was over-reacting! Must be the hormones!!

She's just text me again to tell me that she's left me a labelled pot to collect so I'm happy now.

I do realise how busy she is and that there are more important things to worry about and that I've probably judged her unfairly but was really frustrating not getting a response for a week to any of my questions!!

Over it now! Thanks again

It's probably not her who destroyed the sample. The sample wouldn't have gone to the midwife. There would be someone, often a receptionist, who has responsibility for checking the labelling before they are sent to the lab. So perhaps it was that. But if you'd needed to label it better it would have been good if you'd been told that.

Hi

I am sure people will come on saying how busy and over worked they are etc....

HOwever - in my first prg, I was shielded from poor MW's my community MW was fantastic - you could tell she LOVES her job, very professional but also caring and made every single visit special for me. My MW at labour were also fantastic.

So it was a rude shock this time round to get a woman who cleary has .....seen it all and done it all.

I went into my booking apppointment soo excited - we had been trying for two and half years, and came out totally deflated and flat.

Then there were a few issues with regular forms for scans - people had asked me to get a form and she was sort of snorting at this - " well if they want one they can have one but i dont see why...."

when i relayed this back to the hospital they said maybe she is a new MW who doesnt know yet.

Anyway after second appt - when I was confused about dates as I am literally dislesic when it comes to processing any kind of number I cant do it.

Its not easy at all for me to gage my dates as I didnt have a period at all for three months before I fell pregant.

She was so rude and un helpful and spoke to me in siuch a horrid manner - that as soon as I left the appt - nearly in tears, I TOLD the receptionists that i could not see that lady again.

They said " shall we speak to her"

I said absoluty not! There was no point, then they said - to me -

well....SHE ...is the matron of all the area!!!

I said " well that makes me EVEN MORE shocked then".

Anyway - basically I was able to temporarily register back at my fist MW and yet keep current docs.

Now, I have heard MANY MANY people have complained about her - whether to the right place I dont now - but several people have said they have left appts in tears.

I feel sorry for any poor ladies haveing to have her and i relaly hope she doesnt support people in labour.

I persoanlly think its such a special time, dont waste that on a crap MW>

ps

being busy isnt an excuse in my mind to be rude and curt with people especially a new mother. I am sure my old MW who I am back seeing is just as busy and manges to be poilte and caring and wonderful, reassuring and proffesional!

I am not happy with mine either......not that I have actually seen her as I keep getting a different one each time I go. The midwife attached to my surgery is always on holiday for every appointment I have had.

I have depression and am not on any meds at the mo ( I stopped taking them when i found out I was expecting after much discussion with my DP and doctor). I have told this to every midwife I have seen and also that I am struggling on a daily basis. I also mentioned at my last appointment that I had really bad constipation( sorry for TMI) both of which were ignored.......I did not get a response at all!!!!! My DP comes with me to my appointments and also points out that I am not happy.....he is also ignored.

All they do is take my blood pressure, test my wee( I am given the pot of wee back and told to re use it) and check the heartbeat then I am glared at until I take the hint and leave.

When I get home and read what they have written on my notes its always says "appears positive"!!!!!

I have not made another appointment to go back. This is my first to and I guess I expected a little more support :(

littlemiss could you go to your GP and explain that you feel you're struggling with antenatal depression, your MW is not helping, and ask to be referred for counselling? Don't suffer on your own

littlemiss - that is all the appointment is for though. I agree that you need to go and see your GP about managing your depression during your pregnancy.

Look - there is no need to go through this!

Where is it written that you HAVE TO SEE THAT MW?

You dont.

simply ask to change you dont have to go into details, no one asked me why I wanted to change, I guess asking in itself says volumes.

Its a special time for first timers - there are fab MW out there!

Dont moan - just ask docs receptionsists to find out for you - who to call to change.

You need to feel confidence in your mw.

Yeah the labelling thing wouldn't have been her. Having been there and done it 3 times though, I can't recommend enough you check labels etc - my name is unusual and if there's a spelling mistake they destroy the sample too. Not too bad if it's wee, but when I was admitted with pregnancy no2 and they woke me at midnight for the "urgent" blood sample, it was a bit annoying to be told the next morning that it all needed to be done again as the person who'd taken it had missed an "a" in my name!

The labelling may not have been MW fault but nor was it ops - there was no need for MW to be curt and rude with her.

Gosh, my complaint seems really petty now. Sorry some of you are having worse experiences. . I know that we do have a right to change midwives if we aren't happy with the treatment. xxx

PS, I had no reason to assume there was something wrong with my sample! I hardly ever go to the doctors and can't remember the last time I had to give a sample therefore I didn't know there was supposed to be a label on the test pot! As far as I was concerned, the paperwork was included with the pit in a bag!

I realise that this sample never made it to my midwife and the receptionist looked like I was handing her something highly contagious when I handed it over (doubled bagged I may add!).

I guess it was just one of those things. I've got a labelled pot now and I know what I'm supposed to be looking out for.

In my experience, MW's have been useless in each of the 4 pregnancies Ive had. 2 resulting in boys, 1 m/c and currently pregnant.

The only good mw I had was one whom I met in the delivery suite, she advocated for me when I had to have an emergency ceasarian. never seen her since, but she was completely focused and attentive on me at that time.

I am currently 42, at 23 weeks... had a very abnormal 20 and 22 week scan and got referred to a FMU 50 miles away for a detailed scan, and havent heard from my MW or local consultant for 3 weeks. . I had an amnio on Thurs last week in bristol, I phoned MW on Friday and they said my file was open for checking weekly so they knew what I was going through... but noone thought it right to check my emotional state/wellbeing/counselling - even though I have asked for it?

I have had one appointment at the AN clinic, they had two people with the same 'unusual' name (one was me), and therefore the two files got put away after they saw the first lady, and I waited for 1.5 hours without being called, everyone seemd to go on break as the surgery closed and I was still sat there... no urine sample results as they destroyed thinking it was the other lady's.

My blood pressure has been tested twice... my urine - never! I dont see the point in them Ours work in area teams, so I dont get a single MW, and Im sure if I complained, it would just be another team member with a grudge.

Sorry to moan, having a bad day waiting for amnio results.

Ok glad its not just me! I'm almost 20 weeks now with our first child and I am concerned my midwife is a little...unorganised!

I'm not being mean its just she doesn't seem to have everything under control and tht makes me slightly worried...

When I first spoke with her (on the phone) she said make sure I tell her if anything happens that I'm worried about like early bleeding etc and I thought that wouldnt happen but it did at 6 weeks so I rang her, left voicemails, texts but no response so went to GP and got directed to hospital. They sent me to early pregnancy unit, got a scan and all ok. Ok fine. (she never got back to me though!)

Then I rang last week to ask when I would get my scan date through as she said it would be sent in a letter early/mid-June. She said I should have had it ages ago and that she'd sent the paperwork to the hospital in May and then she said have I called the hospital. I was like um this is my first child and there are 3 hospitals in this area - which one am I meant to have called and how would I have known to call them and thirdly I thought that was her job to liaise with them?!?!

So anyway called them myself when she gave me the number and they said they'd not received any paperwork from her then while I was on the phone they checked the fax machine and said she'd literally just sent it. (my midwife had said on the phone she would 'send it again')

Then at my booking scan at 10 weeks she asked if I'd had any probs in early pregnancy and I said yes! I was bleeding and I told you! Then she said she was very busy and got loads of messages and wasn't always able to reply.

Now I'm not being mean but I am a bit worried that she seems to be so blase about something so important and if I have to do all the chasing what is the point of me having a midwife? she doesnt make me feel reasured AT ALL!

Also she's always on holiday! My friend said she saw a different midwive eachtime and I'm beginning to wish I did too but this one seems like the only one in the area.

The midwives I met at the birth centre were lovely!

Does anyone know how can request a different midwife or am I just stuck?? Reluctant to say what area I'm in but its somewhere in Buckinghamshire!

As a first point ask your docs receptionists, bearing in mind they may not have had this requeast before so you may need to help them to find out for you.

they should be able to give you the number of the place your MW comes from, dont know techincal name for it. so you can call and get another.

OR/AND you can ring other surgeries - explain you do not get on with current mw, can you move to thier surgery please on a temp basis for mw serives only, then check she doesnt also work from thier surgery as they can cover several sometimes.

OR call your hospital, ask to speak to mw section. tell them and ask them what to do.

Phone the community midwives and ask for advice on changing, I'd assume... There is only one midwife at my surgery (and she only does one surgery of about 4 hours a week ) so not sure how else you'd ask to change! Unless you're lucky and have several at yours :o

Not sure where in Bucks you are but my community MWs are at Stoke Mandeville. You should have the numbers on the inside of the purple cover on your notes.

One clinic, rather... Not surgery. I'm all arse about face today :o

Thanks elizaregina and CaptainHetty will try both those!

I think the OP's issue was just a misunderstanding and I'm glad it's been sorted now.

I had a horrible mw at the beginning of my pregnancy with DD. She was rude, extremely late to my booking appt despite telling me it was her first appt and she'd come straight from home, dismissive of my very heavy non stop bleeding and said at one point "there's nothing I can do about it" (with a very
patronising tone and face) and told me I just had to wait till my scan. At the end of my first appt she just got up and left, never said she was going or goodbye, just opened the door and walked out. She was very strange. I didn't see another mw (apart from those at my scans) till I moved house and registered there at 28ish weeks. My main mw and all the others I saw were just amazing, I couldn't complain about them at all.

The mw's I've seen this time are lovely too. But I know how busy mw's are and how notorious they are for taking a long time to reply etc, so when I felt I needed attention for my bleeding in this pregnancy I just went straight to the gp who referred me to the epu.
I have also been having issues with anaemia and have had to have extra tests and go to the hospital about it. But I wouldn't expect my mw to know about it. It's all recorded in my notes and I'll mention it when I see her next but I certainly don't expect her to keep on top of all my issues when she probably has 100's of women to look after.

I think it's just one of these things we have to deal with now, that mw's are far more stretched than they were previously and so can't give each woman quite as much attention as they'd like. I'd suggest that if anyone has serious concerns about their pregnancy then to bypass the mw and see other medical help. It's a shame but you have to put your and your baby's health first.