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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Decided on a parenting style?!

32 replies

Emmiedarling · 11/08/2012 18:11

I went to an antenatal class today and the teacher asked us if we had our 'parenting preferences sorted' and she asked me if I was a 'gina ford' or an 'attachment parent.'

Now, I'm expecting my first baby and am 32 weeks. I have literally NO idea what type of parent style I should/ will adopt. Should I?

I mean, I've read gina ford but I've got no idea in reality, how that approach will be for me and bubba, if indeed it will.

Have you thought about all this?

Sorry for unclear rambles. Very hot, sweaty and tired!!!

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SpottyTeacakes · 11/08/2012 18:14

Well I think you need to meet your baby before you can really decide. Dd hated being held/cuddled and never cried for food so I had to wake her etc making me a 'routine' parent I suppose. But I'm well aware that dc2 counts be a Velcro baby who wants to be 'attached' to me all the time.

TrinityIsAFuckingRhino · 11/08/2012 18:15

its a bit of a weird question to ask you

but I always knew I would never be a gina ford

but 'attachment parenting' is a weirdy label they have given bringing up your children IMO

MrsHelsBels74 · 11/08/2012 18:17

I didn't have any firm ideas before my son arrived, but any I had went out of the window within about a month of his arrival. It's best to keep an open mind & be flexible about what works. Honestly, I don't think you can have any idea what kind of parent you'll be until you are one.

bunnybunyip · 11/08/2012 18:23

I read all the books and decided I was going to be a 'babywhisperer' parent as it seemed to be a half way house. In reality it turned out to be far too prescriptive (I still don't understand how you can get a baby, or anyone for that matter, to sleep if they just aren't tired). I turned out to be more of an attachment parent, which I would never have guessed before ds1 arrived. So I agree, wait and see, and try to avoid reading too many books!

DialMforMummy · 11/08/2012 18:27

I do "trial and error" parenting. It's great, I recommend it
Wait and see, book are ok to get ideas, they don't have to become a lifestyle. GF is a lifestyle.

Midgetm · 11/08/2012 18:55

Daft question. How can you know before you've met your baby from reading a few books? Don't worry - by all means read lots but keep an open mind and be a youparent not a book parent.

Badgerina · 11/08/2012 19:05

I knew when I was pregnant that I wanted to be very baby-led - I planned to co-sleep, breast feed on demand, use slings, learn baby's cues rather than clock-watch. It just felt right to do those things and seemed to make the most sense to me, to go with the flow of a developing baby. I also really wanted to listen and act on my own parenting instincts and do what felt right for us, rather than "choose a style" and follow it (which seems a little unrealistic with no previous parenting experience and a brand new, unknown baby!)

What I didn't know is how fully I'd embrace that (breast fed for 4 years, and loving part-time co-sleeping at 7 3/4! )

I had no idea that what I was doing was "Attachment Parenting" until a few months later and I met some mums at an LLL meeting

Badgerina · 11/08/2012 19:07

Midgetm I agree! I think it's good to think about what feels right, but wait and see as well.

SoHHKB · 11/08/2012 19:08

Like Like Like to 'trial and error' parenting
Can that be my birth plan for dc2?

exoticfruits · 11/08/2012 19:09

You are being very sensible - they are all different - wait and see what you get and respond to that DC, rather than the hypothetical one you would like.
I would tell her that you are going to be an open minded and flexible parent.

exoticfruits · 11/08/2012 19:10

Trial and error is a good one- the baby won't have read the same books.

Shellywelly1973 · 11/08/2012 19:12

I think personally after being a mum for nearly 23 yr& 5 dc later,its a very individual thing.

I suppose with hind sight,im a bit of both.

With your 1st its so easy, as you just need to consider that baby but by my 5th i was a bit Gina Ford due to school/nursery/work etc.

Each to their own&see what your baby is like!

DeathMetalMum · 11/08/2012 19:43

The method I have used with dd1 is just going with the flow really. If I have a problem I do a bit of research read a book or two but thats it really.

I guess I tend to fall towards the attachment style of parenting, but I certainly don't follow anything to the book. I have read most about sleeping due to having a few problems with dd but have just picked bits and bobs from the different books I have read that suit me.

vez123 · 11/08/2012 19:45

I don't really understand the pigeon holing of parenting styles! Surely you do whatever works! And surely there are useful elements in all parenting styles! I never really got this debate...

rogersmellyonthetelly · 11/08/2012 20:31

I'm a fan of make it up as you go along parenting, basically you do whatever works at the time to get you most sleep/smiley baby.
One thing I have never compromised on is driving baby round the block to get it to sleep (never a good idea at 2am when you have had 3 hours sleep in the last 24. Also, bedtime routine starts when baby is a few days old in our house. The time may vary depending on what's going on, but the routine is set in stone!

Chunkychicken · 11/08/2012 20:36

Daft question. Your answer of 'I don't know' is one I would have given too.

I'm definitely in the 'trial & error' 'wait & see' & 'do what feels right' camp!!!

Oh and, if baby has read the books, then that opens a whole new set of dilemmas like; how did the books get in there anyway? How do you look after a book-reading newborn? How do negotiate parenting strategies with a neo-nate?

dietcokeandwine · 11/08/2012 20:38

I suspect that for the vast majority of parents, the 'extremes' of either full-on attachment parenting or full-on routine-driven parenting don't sit comfortably. Most of us probably fall somewhere between the two and take the bits that work for us and ignore the rest

I think you're right not to think about things too much before the baby comes. You'll soon work out what feels comfortable for you and your baby and what doesn't, and chances are it will be a mixture of a whole load of different 'parenting styles', as it is for most people.

Some0ne · 11/08/2012 20:54

Trial and error here too!

DD turned out to be a baby whisperer baby.

I thought 'hey, great, that was straightforward, I'll do that with DS too'.

Turned out he hadn't read the book, and whichever one he did read, I haven't!

EggsMichelle · 11/08/2012 21:20

Instinct! I don't need the anxiety of following a parenting formula on top of trying to learn the basics of feeding and nappies. All I plan to do is maintain team work with DH and make sure we are consistent with our approach.

And again, it really does depend on the babies preference.

GodisaDj · 11/08/2012 21:31

It's good to think about it but I would pigeon hole yourself at all. I agree with the others with the view of 'go with the flow'.

I breastfeed, partially co sleep, use a sling and went down a 'baby led' route of weaning. Before she arrived, I thought I'd let DD cry it out if I'd met all her needs (food, warmth, nappy etc), I don't, and never will never let her CIO or do controlled crying. I'm still doing all of the other things 12 months on (bf'ing etc)

I found out around 6 months ago, that my 'style' is attachment parenting. I had no idea To me, what I do, makes sense to me and my family. It might not suit other families but it works for me.

I also feel that what I do is the laziest 'style' too

nearlymumofone · 11/08/2012 21:39

I know it's not popular on MN, but I was so glad I'd read Gina Ford prior to the arrival of dc. Within a couple of weeks I felt very 'together' and found that I was very comfortable with the routine. I was recommended it by a few friends who had sworn by it. Basically it kept me sane. I didn;t do everything to the letter but it really worked for me and ds.

GodisaDj · 11/08/2012 21:40

*wouldn't not would!

frustratedpants · 11/08/2012 21:45

I do the "throw out the books" style of parenting. i believe thus is similar to the trial and error method neither of my dds had read any of the books.

DontmindifIdo · 11/08/2012 21:53

One thing that is helpful from GF is to realise, that's what you need to do in a day, you don't have to do them at those times, but they have to be done! (I did like that she doesn't suggest you get the baby dressed until mid morning - seems practical, keep them in a sleep suit right up until you're likely to need to show them to someone...)

It's also kind of good that she tells you to drink and eat - I ate crap for the first month at odd times and kept getting really dehydrated (breast feeding means you need to drink a lot of water).

Most parents just "muddle along" - by 4-5 months, pretty much everyone has a routine, some have been routines from GF or her ilk, others have routines they've cobbled together themselves. Very few mums of a 4month old couldn't say "well, he/she sleeps at X time, so I could be round by Y time."

NellyBluth · 11/08/2012 21:54

Pretty silly question, bless her. I was adamant I was going to be a Gina Ford mum, I wanted some control and I had a friend whose baby took really well to GF, but once DD was here I just couldn't manage GF. Supernanny, however (which is basically the same as the Baby Whisperer) I found incredibly useful to give an idea of structure to our day without being prescriptive.

But its all about the baby. I could have been desperate to do 'attachment parenting' (agree its a bit of an OTT term) but DD was so incredibly independent that she wouldn't have had any truck with being carried around all the time.

Books are useful to get ideas, but its not until your baby is here that you can tell what is going to work for your family.

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