massive flip out at work :/

[frogalou]

I am 31 weeks tomorrow and UBER hormonal... work has been stressful for a while and I have been feeling quite unhappy doing my job.... I am still doing it, have taken no time off because of baber, having my ante natal classes on Sundays etc... anyway, work has employed this new girl who I know is earning more than me, and now she will also be sitting at my desk when she starts so I can move to another desk (just by the exit door!).

Am I being unreasonable to feel pushed out?! Move along.... new girl is starting! I work in the middle of a team and I need to train them before I go. I only have 7 weeks left at work, I would have thought they could have waited till I was gone to move her to my desk.

I was already having the feeling they will make it hard for me to come back after my maternity, this is not helping my suspicion.

I know I should not care and my baby comes first, but I am not that kind of person, I like to be doing a good job and be proud of it, I can't just 'not care'.

Anyway, I took it quite badly and walked out in a huff and had a bit of a cry. I am now rather mortified and just want to hide in a hole...

Hey frog.....There is no reason you should feel bad about caring about your job and feeling like you are being pushed out. Yes your baby is important but it is always important that you as a person are happy and your job matters to you. Babies need happy mummies!

In your situation I would take the bull by the horns and ask why the desk move and I would be a little manipuilative and say you think you will be better able to train her from where you are located in the middle of the team than at the end by the door (cry before hand to reduce risk of tears ). If they are going to make this dificult for you you will need to be as assertive as possible. They sound like a bunch of b*ggers!

I don't think walking out in a huff will do either your salary or your future job prospects any good, neither will being obviously unhappy. If you are obviously unhappy they will probably be expecting you to do the dropping them in it at the last minute thing by suddenly deciding at the 11th hour that you are not coming back. A depressing number of women do this, which makes it all the more difficult for the rest of us to be taken seriously.

Chin up, look happy, be enthusiastic, put in a request to stay your desk. Obviously it is difficult for you to move your stuff for all manner of reasons

The huff thing was a blip, move on and show them just how indispensable you are and try not to be paranoid. Your employer has to continue as normal without you. They need cover in early for training, not as a way of pushing you out.

It sounds very dodgy to me. At the very least they should have consulted you about the new person and asked you about the desk move. However, in terms of you coming back, they HAVE to have you back. And, unless they have a nailed-on, cast-iron business reason not to allow it, they HAVE to grant you flexible working as well - always best to put in a comprehensive business-case based request if you want to do this. It makes it much harder for them to refuse.
If I were you now, I'd go to my manager and apologise for stropping out - and use that opportunity to ask them to inform/ ask you first if, in future, they want to make changes to your working pattern or environment. At the moment they're on the way to being liable for a constructive dismissal claim.

Stowsetler, my understanding is that they only have to have you back if you go back in exactly the same role with exactly the same hours, with regards to flexi working they have to show that they have given proper consideration to your request but if it doesn't meet all 8 (I think its 8) criteria regarding meeting the needs of the business they are well within their rights to refuse your request which seems fair / makes sense to me. With regard to the desk thing I would let it go, its a bit rude to just move you but its one less change to get used to when/ if you go back.

Sort of. A request for flexible working can be refused on one of eight legitimate grounds for refusal. However, any refusal must be accompanied with a detailed explanation as to why not - and this is less easy to do if the employee has already tried to foresee any potential problems and offer solutions to them in their request. Even then, the employee has the right to appeal against any refusal.
These days most reputable companies are doing their utmost to try and be accommodating to returning mothers because of employment tribunals' fairly strong tendency to side with the mother - not to mention that if it gets that far at all, regardless of the outcome, the costs to the company are extremely high.

Sorry, should have made clear - the onus is on the company to prove that any refusal is valid, not on the applicant to prove that it's not.

I can completely understand why you feel like you do. Nobody likes to feel pushed out/replaced/not needed whether you particularly love the job or not. Ok walking out in a huff is not an ideal reaction, but you're only human and I'm sure we've all had times when our emotions have got the better of us. Perhaps it would be worth having a chat with your manager and explain how you feel. They may have genuinely just not thought about it properly and be understanding when you bring it to their attention. If things don't improve then just remember only 7 weeks to go and then this will all be far from your thoughts! Chin up

Thanks all.

To put it in perspective I work in a small company, that is supposedlyethical.

The reason I feel they will make it difficult to come back is because I speak my mind and also because I know they have made it difficult for two ladies who were on maternity to come back (they wanted to come back and they were dropped at the 11th hour). One of them did not come back and I believe the other one did have to take action. To be fair, I don't have any details of what happened as I have not asked them, but my gut feeling is that they will try not to have me back if they can get away with it.

That kind of worries me because I think it will be hard to find a new job with a baby, but on the other hand, I am not happy in my work, so it may not be a bad thing... anyway I have a while till I will have to deal with that as I am not even on maternity leave yet.

Work has been stressful for weeks, months even. It has been frustrating and not very rewarding. The reasons are varied but bad management is definitely one of them. I don't want to sound like I am right and management is wrong, but most employees who used to be happy, are now very frustrated, some more vocally that others!

I had a chat with my manager and I did say how I felt... I am not sure it will help.

I just feel a bit sad and deflated.... I would have wine if I was not pregnant ! Biscuits will have to do!

I did think it was quite difficult for companies to get rid of women after maternity leave, I thought that they had to offer you exactly the same job back by law - not sure though as have not been through it yet.

If it helps, I have 7 weeks to go, and I am already being left out of meetings, not asked about things etc... I think it is just matter of fact that they have to get on with stuff, and they probably think they are being kind on doing this so that I can get on with my handover. My personality means that I do find it very difficult being kept out of the loop, but it's just one of those things.

It sounds as though, if it is frustrating you so badly that there may also be other reasons for you feeling this way at work, and perhaps another job might be better for you anyway - purely for your sanity. If they do treat staff badly then perhaps it is best to find somewhere better - the grass can be greener!!