Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Gender disappointment...by others?

40 replies

Crumm24 · 06/08/2012 20:32

Just had my 20-week scan today and been told we're likely to be having a boy. I've been convinced of this since finding out am pregnant, and I am happy. However, I feel a bit deflated because it seems that everyone else's reaction is disappointment! My sister repeatedly joked from the start that she's only interested in a niece as she already has 2 nephews; my niece text me saying 'damn it!' and even coming out of the hospital, DH said 'ah well, it's an excuse to keep trying!'! Even some of my friends who have girls, discretely go on and on about how they would hate to have boys as their daughters are so fast/adorable/perfect. I feel like a failure and have barely bothered telling anyone, when really I want to get excited and smug that I've been right all along. I know everyone'll love him regardless once he's here, etc, etc, but has anyone else had this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

panicnotanymore · 07/08/2012 08:05

Other people can be rude, thoughtless, insensitive morons. You are happy, and expecting a healthy baby, if they can't be pleased for you they should F right off. I'd love a boy, or a girl, it really doesn't matter.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 07/08/2012 08:08

People cried when I found out DC4 was a boy.
They projected so much of their stuff on to me, imagining what they would feel like if they were me.
I had lost my DD 18 months earlier and had two boys already
I think they thought another girl would make it better.
I got sick of people being devastated for me!
I went on to have another boy two years later.

Dogsmom · 07/08/2012 08:30

I feel pressure to have a girl and I'm only 9 weeks pregnant, my parents and husband have already said they'd like a girl!

I'm already feeling like I'll have to apologise if it's a boy.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/08/2012 08:36

Op as someone with a 7mo girl, quite honestly the only thing 'girlie' is contained in her nappy. Babies are pretty generic (boy and girl) and by the time your no doubt gorgeous little boy starts to walk, talk etc yiur family will love him so much they wont give a hoot.

beatofthedrum · 07/08/2012 08:52

I would be livid at such comments! My youngest is a ds and everyone has celebrated that he is a beautiful boy. I would make it very clear to anyone expressing otherwise that you don't share their feelings and you find negative comments about your baby unacceptable. Congratulations on having a boy, very happy for you, it's wonderful!

cashmere · 07/08/2012 09:00

I'm pregnant with DS too and people started asking if I 'wanted a girl' as soon as I was pregnant. It's such a ridiculous thing to say.
When I announced the gender I made sure I put/said 'another lovely boy' , 'DS will love having a brother', 'can't wait to see my boys together, they'll be so cute' comments to stop any negativity. Otherwise people are a bit like 'oh well at least you won't have to buy much' - (which is rubbish anyway as DS will have some lovely new things chosen for him).

PogoBob · 07/08/2012 09:04

Congratulations, I'm expecting a boy too!

Try and ignore, I know that is easier said than done. People do seem to be willing to pass comment on unborn children without realising that they are an actual person. I hope it's not upsetting you too much.

I know others would have been disappointed if this pregnancy was a girl despite adoring 2yo DD. FIL has developed a thing about carrying on the family name (DH an only child) and DM was the least favoured youngest sister so was worried the same would happen to DC2 is it was a girl.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/08/2012 09:11

Stuff them!! Huuuuuge congratulations on a beautiful boy!!!! :o

Notgrownupinmyhead · 07/08/2012 09:53

@ poopoo

I was saying that it my head to them.

I am the least pink and fluffy thing i know.

brettgirl2 · 07/08/2012 10:39

I think that is really really rude. It makes my blood boil for you it really does. Just think how jealous they will all be when your gorgeous little boy arrives

WeeJo08 · 07/08/2012 10:59

Crumm How rude of people! A baby is a blessing, regardless of the flavour. We found out a few weeks ago that we are having a girl....though we have decided not to tell people. Mainly because it is nice to have something to keep between ourselves, it's fun to have a wee secret. And as one of the other posters said, people do seem to develop "pregnancy Tourettes" and feel it's fine to comment on anything and they think that your pregnancy/body/decisions are public property! Reading this thread I am even more glad that we're not telling people! At the 20 week scan I almost forgot that we could find out the sex as the priority was making sure that everything looked healthy - I guess other people forget that the baby is the most important thing, not the baby's bits!

cashmere · 07/08/2012 11:37

So true about the 20 week scan. Even my Mum seemed to view it as a gender scan (think she was hoping I'd have a girl too ).
I did remind her that it's an anomaly scan to check that the baby is healthy.

It is bizarre that people cab put a negative slant on such a happy time. You wouldn't do it at any other time.
Can you imagine the following:-
New house- Shame it's near a road/the garden's so small/it's not by the best schools
New car- bet you'd hoped for a newer one/ are you happy with the colour of it?
Engagement- Did you want a bigger diamond?
Wedding- I preferred the other venue/hymn/flowers.....oh hang on people do say these things about weddings!

Numbthumbs · 07/08/2012 12:39

I had this. Went for 20 week scan and was told that the baby had a kidney condition that would likely mean it would have problems when it was born (multicystic dysplastic kidney disease it turned out). I was really shocked and sad. We were in the room ages and at the end of the scan she asked if we had any questions - i had bloody loads but the only one that came out was whats the sex? We were told she was a girl but i didnt even hear that as i was still so concerned about the kidney. DP heard and told me later.

I rang my mom and told her all about the kidney and all the problems they said she might have in tears, she asked what sex the baby was, i said a girl and she said 'oh...i wanted a boy'!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing about the kidney and no sympathy about how i was feeling.

I put the phone down. We dont speak any more (not because of that but for a similar situation).

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 07/08/2012 12:51

DD2 is now 7 months old. We didn't find out the sex during pregnancy and everyone was saying how lovely it would be if we had a boy. There was some reaction to us having another baby girl but all I said was we are not disappointed we are very happy with our beautiful baby girl. Even more so as she spent the first 4 days of her life in SCBU so she is even more precious to us. We want DC3 at some point and the thought of a boy scares me having 2 girls but as long as baby is healthy, who cares what others think. :)

Kizza2 · 07/08/2012 13:14

im worried about other peoples reaction too.....but at the end of the day- its your baby and it will be perfect, doesnt matter what anyone else says.

I have a DS and i really will like another one...think boys are lovely and my DS has brought us so much happiness

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread