Who the Hell Rattled your Cage (Rant about Mat Leave and OP Opinons)

[Twotumsellie]

I don't know if I?m venting or looking for advice about action, but I?m so angry right now.

I work FT in an office environment with a Due Date 10/11/2012.

Our receptionist just asked me when I planned to Finnish and when I planned to return, I thought she was being polite and making general chit chat so told her I was working up to 2 weeks before my due date and returning about 5 ½ months after that.

Well, the silly sow proceeded to rant at me that woman should not have children if we don?t intend to stay at home with them. That its Greediness why we return to work. We should all do without and make do if we don?t have lots of spare cash just as long as we stay at home with our children. She said she doesn?t understand why we have kids if we can?t stay at home to look after them and its wrong how we can palm them off on strangers to return to work.

I?m Gobsmacked!! Surely she has no right to speak to me like this. I would love to be a stay at home mum but finances will not allow it as I?m sure so many more of you guys will understand. Also for my own sanity I want to work. How dare this woman say these things.

I felt like punching the old hag!!

She is nasty and insenstive and should be sent for immediate diversity training. You could report her as she does not have a right to say these things to you. It is sexism. Would she say the same to the father to be?

Yeah, I'd not hesitate to report her. Take comfort in the fact that she's a dinosaur. Nasty piece of work.

I'd report her to managment, she can't speak with you like that!

I'd report her too. Not acceptable - especially as she is the public face of the company...

Another one for reporting her. Really upsetting& no doubt management would be embarrassed & furious about this!

Plus if she mentions it again tell her she has no right to shove her opinions in your face, the decision about what is right for your family is yours & yours alone!

She sounds like a silly cow, report her to management!

If this is genuine and not an attempt to start up a massive debate about childcare then my advice to you is just smile and ignore.

Welcome to the world of guilt and judging. I came back full time when ,y son was 9 months old and heard from others that someone had been particularly vocal about how shocked she was that I came back at all.

I am not saying that I don't have moments when I think 'am I doing this right' but I can definitely say that I have done the right thing coming back to my job.

This thread will become another SAHP/WOHP thread though - and someone Will come on and say something to insult someone about 'abandoning' their child or 'over-parenting' their child or some other nonsense.

I often get stuck into the debates, usually when someone comes in to ask 'when do you ever see your child?' but as time goes on I think 'bollox to that' if other people really have to continually voice an opinion about the way I decide to live my life then good for them, hope it makes them happy, but I am just getting on with it and it's no ones business but mine.

No this is indeed genuine.

I've been sat here stewing with anger bubbling away inside of me for over an hor now.

I've gone to Management and mentioned what has happened as this is not the first time her outdated and outspoken opionions have offended me.

They agree and are going to have a word with her about it, means akwardness in the office for me but at least she will realise she can not talk to people like this.

Report her - it's unprofessional and sexist. For all she knows your DH could be a SAHD.

Welcome to the club. I went back to work after 3 months with each of mine and I was judged by every living person, or at least that's how it felt.

I just smiled, said thanks for your opinion, however it's my life, my children therefore my business.

People will always have something to say whether you work full time, part time, work from home or are a SAHP.

Theres always someone ready to jump all over your personal choices.

If you take it to heart you will be a mess of guilt every day, just remind yourself you are happy with your choice and as no one knows your personal reasons, they can fuck off with their opinions.

You don't need to justify your choice to anyone

OMG - she sounds like a horror! When I had our 1st DD the lady at the supermarket checkout berated me for buying jars of baby food, saying that she had made each of her 4 children organic puried baby food from scratch, and wasn't I concerned about what was in the jars? i was SO upset. The manager of the supermarket was mortified and as well as a full written apology (and vouchers) i was told that the member of staff had been disciplined. Some people are so rude! I went back to work after both my DD's and will probably do so again after this one. With age I have found confidence and no longer accept such rudeness from people. As others have said, it's absolutely none of their business. I hope you're feeling better and please pay no attention to this silly woman. Goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy.

What a weirdo! Does she honestly think sitting on your backside letting your partner or the taxpayer fund you would be a good example to set for your children?!

to pinkie29

The problem here isn't really whether people in general are judgmental on these matters. The issue is she made these comments in a workplace environment to a colleague, which is completely unacceptable.

Just out of interest, why are you going back too so soon?

Why waste your time posting swlmum? I stand by my comment lord knows how this draconian secretary can think allowing someone else (whoever that is) to support a woman and her children is beyond me.

Both my parents always worked full time to provide for me and my siblings and have thankfully instilled the same values in us.

My first ever actually!
The thread is about someone at work making an entirely inappropriate comment about op's choices not the whole sahm/ working mum debate which has been covered more than enough times.

I'm not debating wether stay at home mums or working parents are better/worse etc, if the op doesn't work how does the secretary think they'll pay their bills? Thin air?

It's not the issue for debate though pinkie is it?

Assuming that a SAHM is say on her arse at home being supported by the taxpayer or god forbid her DH is asking for an argument.

But I'm sure you know that.

Thankfully I doubt anyone feels the need to rehash the same argument and we don't have to justify our financial situations to stranger on t'internet so hey ho.

The secretary thinks all mums shouldn't work, it's a perfectly valid question to ask who the ridiculous insensitive secretary thinks should support the children?

Not valid in this context.

Maybe the ops DH is a millionaire.
Maybe they won the lottery
Maybe they have shed loads of savings
Maybe they inherited loads of money

Not always as simple as whos going to pay the bills is it?

And the 'sit on arse' was the wrong term for me to use, i was annoyed at this secretaries awful attitude, unless a sahm has a big stash of savings to see her through the next 18yrs or generous parents that only leaves the partner or taxpayer if they separate, looking at the bigger picture here

tabtrum that's a lot of maybes and one would imagine of they had a wealthy dh or won the lottery etc chances are they wouldn't be working

Your employer should take this seriously. If they allow an employee to speak to a pregnant colleague like this and it continues on a regular basis, they could be accused of discrimination under The Equality Act.