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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Heart set on a gender?

32 replies

mrsdaisaku · 03/08/2012 15:26

So because I am expecting twins I've been having scans every two weeks since I was 10weeks (now 18weeks). At 14weeks the sonographer said she thought they were probably identical boys, this was exactly the news my husband and I were hoping for. But at this weeks scan she's changed her mind and now thinks they're girls, she didn't say how certain she was, so I don't want to get disheartened. However, is it bad that I really don't want anymore girls? (My husband and I have three between us). So long as they're healthy thats all that matters...right?

I know I won't love them any less... But I really want a couple of boys toddling around the place. I feel so guilty for feeling this way Sad

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ShushBaby · 05/08/2012 08:58

I haven't really experienced this- though always imagined myself with boys and felt 'weird' when scan showed a girl; then having had a girl already felt 'weird' when scan for dc2 showed a boy! But it wasn't about preference just expectation/my mental image of me as a parent.

But thing is, human beings have emotions, some of them complex and irrational. Puff your argument is flawed. Whatever we complain/feel complicated about, there's someone out there who is worse off ('you lost one child? I lost five! And my house!') and wh

ShushBaby · 05/08/2012 09:02

Whoops pressed send...

I lost my sister really young for example, but it doesn't mean people can't feel complicated or conplain about their own siblings.

... While perspective is indeed healthy, it's also healthy to 'own' and explore feelings, even it they are not ideal. From what I've read here, a huge part of what these women are feeling centres on precisely that guilt and awareness that they 'shouldn't feel this way.

ValiumQueen · 05/08/2012 10:08

When I dreamed of having children, I always wanted a boy. When I found out I was pregnant, I just knew it was a girl, and was delighted, which confused me somewhat. She was indeed a girl.

With DC2 I was convinced it was a boy, and when DD2 was born, I momentarily felt disappointed, and have felt awful about it ever since. It took me a while to get around it, but obviously I would not change the little rascal for anything. She is a proper tom-boy too, whereas her sister is very girly.

With DC3 we chose to have a gender scan, which revealed a boy. Everyone had assumed we were having a third to have a boy. We just wanted a third child. Before the scan I managed to convince myself it was a girl, probably to avoid disappointment as chances were it was a girl. It was a huge shock to be told I am having a boy, and it still has not stuck in. Thankfully I have another 3 months to get my head around it.

Our emotions are complicated things, especially with all the hormones on top. It is perfectly normal to have a preference for one gender or another. What is not normal is to consider killing a baby purely because of gender, or not loving a child because they are the wrong gender.

When you see your baby it really doesn't matter what is between their legs, but it is important to not build up an image of an unborn child unless you know beyond doubt their gender. Scans give an indication, but the only way to know for sure is with invasive tests like amnio, and I would not risk the life of my child just to identify gender.

Bearhugs43 · 05/08/2012 16:22

Valium.... Or 3/4d scan - not invasive and I have definitely seen boy bits in all their glory!

I really hoped for a girl this time round to 'even' up the family (2 boys 1 girl already) but now come to terms 10weeks after finding out with all the positives another ds has. I think if you do feel this way all you can do is go easy on yourself- you will love them no matter what once they are in your arms!

ValiumQueen · 05/08/2012 17:14

I had a 4D scan and clearly saw his boyhood, but I was assured that even with that level of scan, mistakes were still made. More likely with girl to boy rather than boy to girl, but still possible as hormones make girly bits swell to look like boy bits. I was 23 weeks when the scan was done, which is optimum apparently for gender. I will be well pissed off if they told me wrong after paying £80!

Policy of local trust is to not disclose gender. I so wish there was a national policy. Do they think I am more likely to abort if the 'wrong gender' or is it all about being sued, as I would happily sign a disclaimer.

Lambzig · 05/08/2012 17:35

I was ttc for 10 years before getting pregnant with DD1. I am now pregnant again now 26 weeks. Believe me I know how lucky I am to have one DC, let alone getting pregnant again.

However, when we had the 20 week scan we found out by accident (after we had asked not to - sonographers slip of the tongue) that we are having a boy, I found it really hard. Somehow I was convinced I would have another DD and when it wasnt that, I really had a hard couple of days accepting it. Crazy because I didn't care at all for the first baby and am so lucky to maybe be having a second one. I can't explain it, and I am really ashamed of it, but its how I felt for a few days.

ValiumQueen · 05/08/2012 17:40

Don't feel ashamed lambzig you are merely processing information. You already have a girl, so know how to deal with a girl, a boy is unknown territory, and something new and scary. If you could explain your feelings, then might be the time for guilt. Congratulations on your DS. He will be fab! And much loved by all I am sure.

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