Missing 28 week appointment

[Sastra]

I'm feeling hugely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don't feel like I can deal with going to the 28 week appointment. I've just moved to a new area so I had a scan at 26 weeks and I saw the consultant and my GP and a practice nurse all this week, so it's not like I've not been seen for a while.

How bad would it be for me to miss the 28 week appointment?

Just phone andcancel for next week? What is the 28 week appointment? I cant remember that far back!

You need bloods at 28 weeks, have you had those? Were you measured at any of those other appointments, did they check your BP or urine, or listen in?

Given your anxiety maybe having a chat with the mw might help you? What is it that you're anxious about?

It sounds like you really need to go to this appointment. Why do you feel that you can't cope with it?

It's a good opportunity to meet with the midwifery team in your area if nothing else. I had mine last week and this is what happened:

• urine check
• blood pressure check
• baby heartbeat check with a doppler
• fundal measurement (guess at how big the baby is)
• blood samples taken
• opportunity to book in for antenatal classes

If you're not coping then you need support, especially in a new area. I had antenatal depression during my first pregnancy but didn't say anything until I was assessed for PND 10 weeks after the birth. If I'd asked for help sooner I might have avoided a horrendous year of not coping with a baby or life in general, suicidal thoughts and relationship problems.

i really wouldnt miss it The fact you say you feel overwhelmed makes it even more important to do.

Why don't you phone up and ask if the midwife can come to you if that would be possible?

I never had blood taken at 28 weeks!! 16 booking appointment and 36 40 weeks! my dc are 9 and 7 now so everything has probably changed!

Its important to get your wee stick done regularly to check for risks like pre eclampsia which can come on very suddenly.

My midwife team are out of area, so they wouldn't come to me.

I've had BP, urine heart beat done several times this week. I had a scan last week so I doubt fundal height would give any more information.

I've met one of the midwives a couple of week's ago when I booked in, and have sent off applications for classes.

I'm overwhelmed as moving house has been hard, and the job isn't complete. I've still got nausea and vomiting and I'm exhausted. DH is having problems at work. On Wednesday my consultant told me that if I need a CS due to my low lying placenta, then I'll be very high risk due to previous abdominal surgeries and the fact that it's anterior.

The appointment feels like yet something else I need to do. Midwife last time was nice but a bit incompetent (writing the wrong things in the wrong boxes, that sort of thing), so I found it stressful as I felt I needed to be really on it to stop her making any mistakes.

Even getting there is hard. Because of trains I'll either be 45mins early (and they're guaranteed to run late), which will be rubbish as it'll mean lots more stress of waiting round, feeling shit, or I'll be basically late.

Just feel I want to be left alone.

Would be worth trying to change to your local team? If you haven't clicked with your current mw you may get on better with a new one in your area?

Otherwise perhaps you could phone the mw and discuss how difficult it would be for you to attend, they may be able to suggest a different solution?

How does getting bloods done work in your area? I have to attend antenatal clinic to get mine done, the mw gave me the forms when I booked in, but in some areas I believe the mw takes them themselves.

If you are really struggling is there anyone else you can go through everything with, can you be referred to a counsellor?

Hey Sastra, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Moving really does take it out of you, never mind adding your recent news about possible c-sec. Is your partner being supportive?
To be honest, I know what you want to hear is that it's not the end of the world if you miss your next appointment- and it's probably not (although if you haven't had blood tests recently, you do need to have these as becoming anaemic or something on top of everything else is the last thing you need).
But it is important that you address the feelings that are making you not want to go.
I think you need to see your consultant again soon and get some reassurance, in addition to some advice on how to prepare physically and mentally for what might be ahead.
It's also important that you do feel able to talk to your midwife. Why are they so far away? I remember you saying before where you have just moved to- and believe me, I know the nightmare of combining a London commute with pregnancy- is there no closer option? Even is your midwife is a bit dopey, you want to be able to call just to voice some concerns or let out some feelings. They should be people that you feel able to contact if you need help. This is their job. It's probably also worth mentioning your vomiting to the midwife as they may have some helpful suggestions. I'm not sure if you're working at the moment, but if so it might be good to take some time out.
I just think avoiding this appointment might be just avoiding dealing with the aspects of your pregnancy that you need to take back into your control. Perhaps some counselling would be a good idea, or if not, practicing some relaxation techniques or yoga would help you feel in control again.
I'm sorry if that isn't quite what you want to hear, and I really hope you start to feel better about things.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

DH is supportive, but it's difficult at the moment with his own situation. Basically he's career changing and finishing off an MSc whilst starting a new job. There's still a lot of stuff to sort out with the move (need to finish it off basically) and we don't have a sofa in the new place.

I chose this hospital as it has a great reputation. I've never hear anything good about the one (only slightly) closer. South London is just awkward to get round.

Alas, it's not really possible for me to take time away from work before maternity, but in all honesty, I'm only part time at the moment and I'm not struggling with work. The commute's been fine.

I've thought about getting some therapy but can't afford private sessions, and the wait list for NHS is likely to be at least a couple of month's for an assessment, by which point the baby will be here and I won't be able to attend sessions (no family or anything to have her for a couple of hours).

Jesus, must be bad - I have no idea where that rogue apostrophe in "months" came from...

I only had to wait a few weeks to see a counselling mw (previous traumatic delivery), a registrar referred me after my initial consultant led appointment. I think in cases of potential antenatal depression (I'm not diagnosing you with that by the way!) you should get seen quickly. Even if you just speak to your mw on the phone for the referral it's worth making contact. Can you get bloods done more locally through your GP?

When are you due to see your consultant again? He or she may be able to reassure you about your delivery and risks associated with it.

I have another scan at 32 week, and am seeing him after that.

At the time I was trying to get him to clarify what he meant by "high" risk, but he wouldn't make it any more concrete than that. I can't see what he could say now to reassure me...

FWIW, with low lying placenta is it normal practice to wait until 32 weeks to decide on the course of action and whether it is high risk or not. I'm waiting for that appointment myself as is a friend and a lot of people on the Nov 2012 thread. This is because something like 80-90% of placentas move up and the risks are therefore greatly reduced. It's only considered a problem if it's still low at 32 weeks.

It doesn't sound right though that you are looking to cancel the appointment. I does sound like you are avoiding the pregnancy. Most people I know are excited about their appointments, hearing the baby and getting bump measured etc. I would give the MW a call, tell her how you feel and see what she says. It maybe that as you were seen recently she may also feel that you don't need the appointment though or you could have bloods done at the GPs.

The set of maternity notes I have states on it what is supposed to happen at each appointment and whether it is for 1/2nd timers. If yours are the same I would have a look too (I think mine are hospital / PCT specific though).

Hearing that most people are excited doesn't really make me feel much better. It makes me feel inadequate.

At my 28 week app I had high bp and protein despite all being fine at 26 weeks. I was being closely monitored for other reasons. My baby was delivered early.

Not trying to scare you, just so you see how imp these checks are.

Speak to the midwife about how you feel. They might be able to offer you extra support.

Hi JollyBear,

I understand the importance of the checks - I had urine, BP and baby was listened to and felt on Wednesday. Had this not have been the case I wouldn't consider cancelling.

As it is I've called them and rearranged for this coming Wednesday.