Third pregnancy panic...

[RainyAfternoon]

Looking for a bit of balance here. I have 2DC (5 and 3) and have just discovered I'm pregnant with our third. I'm 41. We have been debating a 3rd for about a year now - I was sad to think my baby days were over, but at the same time a third just isn't practical for us for so many reasons - we have a two bed house which we can't sell, and also can't afford to rent in this area, DH works away from home, and we live far away from family. I'm also just rebuilding my career as DD is in school and DS is just starting preschool. We'd just finally both decided that we should stick at two and then had an 'accident' a couple of weeks ago. I was really reluctant to take a morning after pill as I thought if I ever regretted sticking at two I would always think back to that, but now of course I've just found out I'm pregnant and am panicing. My DH is away til Monday and I don't want to tell to him while he's away. We have two beautiful healthy children and a 'perfect life'. Although those two children are a handful at the moment and I often feel I can't cope very well with them. I feel like I've been greedy and now am spoiling our little family. Help. Any words of wisdom?

I am 2 months pregnant with DC3 - already have DS1 and DS2 aged 7 and 5, and I'm 36. I'd always been unhappy about the fact the DH was convinced 2 was enough, then eventually he decided 3 might be OK, so the pregnancy was planned but I'd actually just been having a bit of a change of heart when I found out I was pregnant. DH was away with work so I knew for about a week before I told him and I was totally panicked. It's taken me a while to get used to the idea that we are going to have another baby and to be honest I am still worried about the big age gap and feeling a bit regretful that having got to a point where I was getting my life back (I know, it's taken a while!) I'm about to be plunged back into nappies and sleep deprivation and total lack of time to myself (had a very difficult time with DS1 for various reasons). But I know logically that once the baby is here I will love it and s/he will come to feel like just a natural part of the family. I'm trying to remember all the positive reasons why I want(ed) 3 - DS1 was ill and so was I then with DS2 I was running around after DS1 who was quite challenging so it will be nice to have a baby that I can actually have time to simply enjoy while the others are at school and hopefully we'll be more relaxed and less neurotic!
I think whenever you find out you're having a baby part of you panics a bit and part of you needs time to adjust to the loss of different possibilities. It will work out with time but right now I think it's normal and OK to be a bit scared.

Thank you so much for such a long reply. I'm just sitting here thinking I'm so stupid for letting my emotions rule my head. I have shouted at the children tonight and feel so confused I can't even think about tidying up. Just did another test to make sure and the line is definitely there. I am sure you are right, in 9 month's time I'll wonder why I was doubting it. Good luck with yours!