Why should I be excited?

[aliphil]

I'm 38 weeks and everyone expects me to be hugely excited. My MiL said to me accusingly the other week that she was disappointed not to have seen many signs of excitement yet "but it will all change once the baby's in your arms". The midwife asked this morning if I was excited and got all worried when I said no. I'm just so sick of being told how I should feel, and if I lie and say I am excited then people go on about how wonderful it is and I can't deal with it. I've started avoiding situations where I'll see people I know because it's getting me down so much.

I do want the baby, I am looking forward to meeting it, and while I am nervous about labour, I don't think I'm any more worried than anyone could expect with a first baby. I just don't really do excitement over big things. Little things like a concert or a holiday, sure, but big things seem too big to get excited over. I wasn't excited about getting married either, though I was very happy about it. But if I try telling people that, they think I'm either depressed (actually I may be, but I don't think that's why - cf. wedding experience) or very weird (which may also be true but doesn't help)!

I can't remember being particularly excited either! I was happy, but my excitement was overridden by treipidation and nerves I think.

I think I was much more excited in the beginning (when everything was a bit abstract) than towards the end when I was getting stressed about labour and whether my towels and sheets were clean (not in case of an emergency home birth, just more generally. I must have changed my bedding twice a day when my mat leave started! Pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for!)

One of the most useful things I learnt on a work related training course was NEVER to make assumptions about how a person feels. So I have never squealed 'ooooh, you must be SO EXCITED' to someone who is pregnant.

You sound quite normal to me.

I felt grumpy and fed up at 38 weeks, mostly fed up of other people's stupid comments. I am not the sort of person who gets excited either, though. DH will be dancing round the living room the day before we go on holiday, whereas I only tend to enjoy things when they're actually happening.

Hope you find some relaxing moments in the next couple of weeks.

beans 'NEVER to make assumptions about how a person feels' is a great mantra for any situation.

Thanks everyone! It's nice to feel a bit more normal than I was. And Beans - yes on never making assumptions. I have just emailed a friend who is about 16 weeks, and spent some time making sure I was saying "this is how I felt/feel" not "this is how you feel".

Excitement is a transient emotion. Nobody can sustain excitement for any length of time. Sure there are aspects of having a baby that are exciting but at 38 weeks you are supposed to feel exactly as you do. Ignore them all!

I felt exactly the same as you. I'm not a jumping around person either - quite restrained

I didn't love my baby any less than the excited ones once he came :)

I wasn't excited before having DC1. I think I was approximately 90% terrified and 10% in denial! Actually I was pleased, but excitement is definitely not a word I would've used to describe my feelings on it all.

I'm now 22 weeks pg with DC2 and have occasional moments of excitement, but I'm, again, mainly scared!

I'm much more excited (and nervous) about number 2 than I was with number 1. Number 1 was easily conceived whereas number 2 has been a labour of love (excuse the pun) for over a year, so that probably makes a difference too.

Yes, I don't get the obsession with putting a rose-tinted spin on everything (motherhood being a common victim of this)

Sometimes we have other feelings like apprehension or fear or worry that other people don't seem to want to talk about. A far more open-minded question would be "how do you feel?". I find that most of the time, people don't actually want to hear how you really feel. They're not really offering an open ear.

I too, am SICK of being told how I "must be feeling", and to be made constantly aware that my emotions don't match people's candy-coloured expectations.

You're a human being. However you feel is valid. It's a shame that so many people are not open to hearing about a person's TRUE feelings.

A couple of months ago, a friend from church asked how I was feeling. When I said, "Fed up," she replied, "No you're not!" Why even bother asking ...?

I do have moments when I'm really excited, but if I felt like that all the time I think there would be something wrong with me! Am I supposed to be excited when I'm in pain with backache or up for the 5th time in the night for the loo?

Yes it's an exciting time but that doesn't mean you have to be in a constant state of excitement.

Oh i hate it too!! I'm 29wks and it doesn't stop? Great.
The amount of people who ask 'are you excited?' and then get shocked when i say 'no actually, I've got bloody ages yet' I might just say yes next time and hope they leave it at that.

sammyleh, "No, I don't have the energy right now" has worked for me sometimes.

YANBU when I was pregnant with DS a bitch friend said "do you even want the baby? you don't seem like you do" - of course I fucking did it was planned, but I wasn't jumping for joy I was too tired and sick! when I replied with this she said "well them I think you have antenatal depression, and y'know if you do that means you'll almost definitely get post natal depression so you really should cheer up" - I wasn't depressed either! I was in a totally appropriately shitty mood for the level of sick and tired I was feeling!

"Yes it's an exciting time but that doesn't mean you have to be in a constant state of excitement"

• exactly that, an exciting happy thing is happening, but you don't need to be in a constant state of glee!

If you know you don't get excited by things why post this?

Aries, because so many people seem to think I should be excited that I'd started to worry that there was something wrong with me, and because I was frustrated and looking for a little sympathy. And sympathy and reassurance is what I got - thank everyone!

:-)