How to tell people after the baby is born?

[MissCoffeeNWine]

I have friends who I mainly speak to online. I have friends I mainly speak to on phone and text. Then closer friends and day to day friends and good acquaintances. We have close family and not so close family. I remember last time I had a baby I was upset that DH got to tell everyone when it was all my hard work so this time I want to do it. My first instinct is to tell my friends first as I am closer to them than family but my DH is closer to family. Is it unreasonable for me to want to tell his family myself?

I would want to put the news online eventually as a quick way of telling lots of my friends, but not before phone calls, but a lot of people I don't really speak to on the phone? I can't think of a good way to do it really. I just know that last time I wanted to let people know the news and hear and see their reactions but I never got to tell anyone as the minute one person knew they started telling everyone else and then everyone knew and I didn't get to be part of it. Sounds silly but it feels important to me.

For example, if I told mother in law, she would then get on the phone to every other family member she could think of and kind of take the news away from us, where I think it should be. Would I be unreasonable to ask her not to tell anyone else until we had, for example? She's the main one that bothers me as she is guilty of doing all sorts like taking a photo of the baby and sending it to all the relatives before we had a chance to speak to them. Even when we were due to visit them within days. I sound like a control freak I know but it bothered me to see a picture of my newborn (and me looking like crap) on their mantel before I'd even had chance to speak to them or send an announcment.

What are you planning on doing?

I just snuggied my baby at let them get on with it, of course that was in the dark ages before FB. The dad called his side first, but then it was only a matter of minutes before everyone knew. Just remember you've done the hard work, they just want a piece of the action. Allow them their moment of glory, you have baby in your arms, they have a picture, who is better off?

Called my parents and DH's parents from the hospital that evening. They then called a few people- siblings etc. Then I just did a fb announcement and a mass email..... and an announcement in the telegraph but don't expect anyone actually read that- it was just as a keepsake. Tbh I think you're probably over thinking this. I certainly don't expect my friends to call me personally when they have babies.

Last time, DH rang close family and told everybody else by text. I had about 12 visitors in hospital by the afternoon, and it interfered with breastfeeding (athough we did recover). This time, we will take some time to get to know the baby before we are deluged with family and friends.

I can understand how your feel about your MIL taking your news away, but you may be so tired that you are happy to let her get on with it. If not, I don't think that swearing her to secrecy would be unreasonable at all.

We just text parents, siblings and close friends. Then let them get on with telling everyone else. It really was the last thing I was thinking of after a horrendous birth! I think I text a photo actually

My husband told his mum and brother by phone, my mum was there and I let her tell my dad,nan,grandad, brother and sister, and I text a photo with name, weight and time of birth to all my good friends, All were under strict instructions to not put a thing on facebook until I did! I have known people who you meant to let know but for getting caught up in the moment 4got about, to find out from someone else on facebook posted a picture or what I considered to be your announcement on there. Then a few hours later made a facebook/picture announcement myself once I knew the right people knew first.
I would leave a list of people who your hubby can let know first though just in case you arent fully with it, he will want to share the excitement to and a list of who you really want to tell (just in case your to knackered/ill to do it for a while) I had a friend whos husband randomly txt people a picture from his wifes phone but not some of his wifes best friends and family members but to work collegues and her hairdresser and they posted it up on good old facebook!

I'm planning on letting DH tell everyone again. He'll phone close family & give them strict instructions to keep it off facebook till we announced it to everyone we want to tell. He'll text other less close family, then a couple of hours later I'll text my close friends when I have chance, then announce on fb. I wouldn't want to be ringing round making announcements after the birth after all that hard work. Will be drinking copious amounts of tea, cuddling my baby & recuperating but will still get to announce to some people so its shared between us.

My OH told his family and friends and I told mine mostly by txt ! I couldn't sleep as was so mesmerised so txt ppl a photo !

My DH phoned my parents & his, as they knew I was in labour, even though it was 1am!! I just got on with holding DD. Next day I replied to a friend's text (from previous evening) that I was sorry I couldn't make after-work coffees, as I'd just had the baby . I let everyone that would be told, get told by everyone else, & then txt photos & used FB to update the others. I'll do the same again.with #2 I think.

I was lucky though, as nobody even asked to visit us in hospital, let alone actually come, but I was in and out within 24hrs, so we just got inundated at home a day or so later... I think I'll be too busy cuddling up to my lovely DD & her baby brother or sister to care who gets to tell whom. :)

I haven't thought about it much, I assume DH will tell our parents & siblings by phone and they'll tell the rest of the family. Probably text our friends when we've recovered a bit & then facebook & twitter when I can be bothered.

As long as we've told close family & friends before social media, don't really care who else tells who, it saves me a job!

you could put a facebook status asking anyone who wants to be on the birth announcement list to message you their number so you have an up-to-date list?

I phoned my mother. My DP had been keeping both my folks and his up to date over the course of the previous couple of days. He phoned his parents. Parents relayed message to sisters. I texted close friends the next morning and later that day we did a facebook announcement.

I still think it's my news to share. I would find it odd if my friends didn't ring me with baby news, maybe that's just the way we do things.

I was thinking more about ringing people up when I felt happy to do it and share, not ringing round straight after birth when I might want to rest. Rest first, ring later, or when I feel like it, maybe two hours later maybe two days, maybe not two weeks

I spoke to DH and he is happy to let me do the news-spreading so I guess I'll do it my way, which will probably mean lots of random acquaintances knowing before our close friends and family, but I don't suppose that will matter? Do you think family will be offended?

Yes probably over thinking :)

If your friends who you tell early on don't regularly have contact with the less close members of your family who you tell later, they probably won't realise they weren't the first to know so you should be able to avoid any worries. And hopefully everyone will be incredibly indulgent of you as mother of a newborn and not moan anyway!

I'm more worried about my neighbours knowing and my local friends knowing and DD's teacher and friends and everyone at the school gates, etc, before I've told anyone personally!

I was about the fourth person to even know I had a baby, and then got to tell absolutely nobody about it :)

I did call my sister and rambled on rubbish, and then attempted to send a text (and failed miserably)

I did get to tell everybody it was a boy the next day!

Personally, I would tell family first but I doubt they will ask you if they were the first with the news. Do whatever works for you

You sound a bit highly strung about it all- and yes Yabu to want to tell your husbands family rather than him. Chill out and focus on your baby and stop worrying about other people, apart from those close to you, everyone else will be happy with a text.

If I'm unreasonable to tell his family was he being unreasonable to tell mine the last time I had a baby?

Happy to accept I'm over thinking it is just bothering me. I had a bad time last time and a lot of it was due to people and situations that could easily have been avoided, so I'd like to have more control this time.

Why do you want to tell his family?? Why does it even matter? I know that both times I was just interested in gazing at and cuddling my babies so I really wasn't interested in speaking to my brother in law! But I know everyone is different!

I think you have to be realistic in this day of social media that news is going to travel fast and you can't control the direction of the news flow unless you enforce a complete media blackout .......and even then.......it's certainly not realistic to expect grandparents to keep schtumm for a week while you work through your phone book.

Given how you feel, I would take the following approach

• Just chill out for a few hrs post-birth. I didnt tell anyone I was in labour so there was no expectancy of an announcement- I highly recommend this approach. DS was born at 5.30pm and we called the grandparents at midnight
• Tell close family (grandparents/siblings) personally. Ask them not to FB for 24 hrs. If they do, feel no guilt about sending them a Trojan in reply
• Do a FB and general email the next day. Then at least the people you want to know will know before the lollipop man
• Release MIL from her embargo and let her go crazy.

I told my family, he told his, how's that for an idea this time?
Agree with richman on 'strategy'!

It's happy news, let MIL have her proud grannie moment.

But I am not on FB so I just texted and phoned my close friends and let them spread it to other mates. DP phoned the families about an hour after the birth and I spoken to them too.

I don't think it matters. Let DP get on with it and fill in. Family first.

DH will tell his parents and my parents ASAP after birth and we'll ask them to let siblings and our grandma's know. For other family and close friends, I have set up a birth announcement group on my phone and on DH's phone so he can send a group text from each of our phones. Will probably use Facebook to inform everyone else.

I don't have family to tell this time, they are not with us any more. Maybe that's why it matters ? I was actually thinking of leaving it a few days before ringing people so I'd be past the baby gazing stage and into the adapting to a newborn bit. That's why I worry about random people as I should imagine I'll be on the school run and of course can't stop DD telling people! Also when you've had your ILs turn up at the birth of your baby before you've even had chance to close your legs it does kind of linger in the mind as something to avoid next time!

Richmanpoorman they are great suggestions thank you

I have an obsessive friend that has said please can she b the first to know after family (so she can plaster it on Facebook and rub it in that she new first) so sad and v annoying ! I can see where you are coming from to a certain point ? But with regards to my DP's family I rather he tell them tbh and I will jus txt some friends and I will put it in Facebook (and tell that particular friend last just to wind her up he he)