I think I've decided I can never do this again. :(

[Superslinger]

I have terrible SPD, can't really walk at all anymore, even on crutches, and recently starting to get really crippling 'stabs' in the same area which are genuinely the worst, most shocking, crippling pain I've ever had and make me scream out and grab between my legs - even when in the street .

Now this week I also seem to have developed carpal tunnel - so whereas I used to rely heavily on my hands to bear weight in place of my pelvis, e.g. moving in and out of bed, out of chairs, using crutches etc. I'm now in agony in my hands too. :(

I also had bad, all day morning sickness up to 5 months.

I've always wanted children more than anything in the world, but at this point I honestly don't think I should ever do this again. I'm terrified my body's not going to recover from this time around and that I'm going to be a useless mum, unable to walk or even bloody do anything with my hands, but then if I am lucky enough (please God!) to recover, how can I possibly risk it all happening again?! And next time I'd have a child to look after too - (I could barely look after myself during the morning sickness, and am housebound and pretty incapable again now).

I'm so, so upset about this. DH and I have always wanted a little brood. Don't know what anybody can say to help, just had to get it out there. :(

Really sorry to hear this. You don't need to decide whether to "do this again" for a very long time, so perhaps just focus on getting through this one, and then the first few exhausting months of motherhood (4th Trimester) before worrying about this. When you do come to making this decision, remember that pregnancies aren't always alike for every pregnancy - perhaps you'd be able to consult some specialists for ideas on how to avoid some of the things you are worrying about - forewarned is forearmed etc...?

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time.
I would have thought 5 months of morning sickness would have been enough to put you off, never mind the SPD!
I think there are lots of dreams we never get to fulfill.

That sounds exactly like my first pregnancy! It was horrible and swore I would never do it again, I was sick the whole way through and spd.
But if it's any consolation I'm on 2nd pregnancy and I feel absolutely fine!!

Really lolli?! How far along are you? Have you done anything differently?!!!

Superslinger, I had carpal tunnel badly in my first pregnancy but not in my second. I also know a lady who had terrible Spd first time round and has been fine second time.

It must feel terrible right now, but honestly every pregnancy is different.

Hugs x

Sounds like my pregnancy to a tee! I also had a bleeding rash all over my legs too, when I'd get up in the morning the sheets were covered with blood. Every morning.

DS is totally worth it, although It won't be something I'll be repeating. There are some things in life best done once only!

hi, can totally identify with you, thats exactly word for word how i felt throughout my 1st pregnancy too. esp with the spasms of spd pain that make you scream out. but to my surprise even now i didnt have even a trace of spd type pain at all and no sickness the 2nd time. i just never got over how normal i felt compared to the 1st time. every day i would wait for a spd twinge or sickness but they never arrived! so it doesnt have to always be like it. just enjoy your time with new baby and worry about more additions later.

If I had a quid for everyone who has said this to me and then gone on to have another me included I would be a rich woman. Somehow you forget all the pain and just because you have things in one pregnancy doesn't mean you will have them again she says hopefully. Now is not the time to making decisions - sounds like you are feeling really wretched, hope you don't have long to go. Hang on in there, it is all so very worth it in the end.

You will be amazed how your body does recover too. I worried at the end of both my pregnancies that my body would never be the same again. OK, my stomach is not as flat as it used to be, but the worst stuff eg carpal tunnel, has totally gone.

I had a nightmare pregnancy with ds2 but we are now ttc %233, an dreading being pregnant but it will be worth it to have the baby at the end of it.

i agree with the others. I was completely upstairs housebound for the last month with my first pregnancy i was oh so painful. my second pregnancy was an absolute joy! no pain or spd though i was good at remembering my support belt and kept it easy well as much as you can with a 3 year old to look after as well! i was unable to walk when i went into hospital to have my first but the day after my section i could have ran down the ward the pain was sooooooo much better, still felt 'loose' but without the pain iyswim! don't worry about it now, enjoy your baby and your recovery. I felt just the same as you the first time round. I couldn't have been any more miserable. what kept me sane was my regular chiropractic treatments (the only thing that worked) It got better quickly and we are about to try for another :)

I know it won't feel like it now but a few months after baby is here you might feel differently. I was adamant all through my pregnancy that I was never having another child. Baby is 11 weeks now and I would have another baby, if I was lucky enough to have another, although I don't intend to TTC for a while yet.

You have my utter sympathy SPD is hell on earth. I've had it 4 times and each time I have said never ever again. Didn't have carpal tunnel though, morning sickness was tough but not debilitating.

I was on cocodamol last twice, didn't want to but it was either that or crutches/wheelchair but with toddlers it wasn't an option.

Practical plans were DP only working 3 days a week (working from home/compressed hours/using holidays) he did everything all housework/bathing the DC etc. I had an ironing lady as well.

Just cross each day off, I have good labours I say it's because I have rubbish pregnancies and as soon as the babies born I can walk which feels amazing. Each baby has been worth every minute of the pain.

Thanks so much everybody! I do feel reassured - especially by tales of recovering after labour. That's actually my biggest fear of all; giving birth and finding the SPD stays!

Sticking with the focussing on the positive, I seem to remember once reading somebody saying that, after months of SPD pain, labour pain didn't seem that bad! Does anybody else share that view?!

I can't help wondering what happens to SPD pain during labour - do you forget about it because the labour pain takes all your focus, or you actually simultaneously aware of both?! I'm going to MLU so no epidural planned...

I'm marking my place here as I feel exactly the same but it's interesting to hear other peoples views. Superslinger, I've not had it nearly so bad as you but I have felt just so unwell. Horrible nausea, extreme tiredness, pelvic pain (not as bad as yours though, I reckon). And the stress from work is awful. At 20 weeks at least I now only get nausea in the morning :)

I absolutely swear that I'm never ever ever doing this again. I'm sad as I'd like a brother or sister for my happy little vegemite, but just don't think I can hack it again. Everyone says I'll forget/change my mind but I don't believe them.

Oh, and several people (my midwife included!!!!) tell me that a horrible pregnancy = nice birth and an easy baby and anyone wanting to contradict that can sod off

I had the nausea from hell, violent sickness all day everyday and pre eclampsia which meant running to the hospital every other day for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy.

I had a horrible childbirth, awful PND and the newborn from hell, colic, reflux etc.

And I'm planning on ttc next year :o

I think once the baby hits 6 months we lose our minds and think "that wasn't that bad" when it really was.

Don't despair of your brood just yet, give yourself time and deal with the here and now

When in labour I didn't find my spd so bad the last 2 times. I don't know if this is because of concentrating on contractions, probably so but it was much easier to walk & I even managed to climb on hospital bed without help. Now with 3rd pregnancy I have it again but at this stage (23 weeks) I was on crutches with previous ones & this time I'm still very mobile, still waitressing & can easily get out & about so don't worry too much on if you'll have it as bad if there's a next time. I think it makes you look at labour in a completely different way, was just talking to dh about this. With contractions you know you have max 48 hours (I have longlabours) of pain & something beautiful right at the other end. With spd as I said to dh in my case there's a whole 17 more weeks left of pain! So it puts it in perspective a bit. I hope it gets easier for you, or that the rest of your pregnancy flies by. I find cocodamol to be a good relief when its really bad.

I didn't have SPD but I did have carpal tunnel syndrome and the day after I gave birth - poof! it was gone. Also had sciatica and that was gone as soon as the baby was out. And gestational diabetes and that was gone by the next day too.

The human body is amazing and freaky.

I am on Number 2 now and finding it a different pregnancy - harder in some ways as I have sciatica earlier - I think because I have an active 2 year old whereas I was sitting behind a desk before, but feel much less tired and it's flying by I think because I am focussing on other things (like my existing child).

I can't say anything that will make your SPD go away but I can say that I understand how you feel and that it does go away after the birth & becomes a distant memory before you know it!

My last pregnancy was awful. I had terrible morning sickness then SPD which progressed rapidly. I was on crutches at 17 weeks, signed off work by 20 and completely immobile by around 30 weeks. I had to inject myself everyday because the consultant was worried about blood clots (due to being immobile) and there was a period where I was admitted and given morphine. I counted down the days and swore that I would NEVER consider another baby.

I went on for a c-section at 38 weeks (due to precious section, if it wasn't for that I would have been induced at that stage because of the pain). My perfect baby was born and within about 2 days the pain of the SPD was forgotten. The c-section recovery was nothing compared to what I'd already been through and I felt brilliant & like every second had been worth it!

I also became overwhelming broody within the first few months so when DD was one we decided to try again (you really do forget the bad parts!!). I am now 14 weeks pregnant with twins! I'm feeling twinges & hearing clicking from my hips but it's not as bad as I would have expected (I've already got a decent bump) and I'm trying to stay positive about the next 5 months or so.

So, the point of my long story is that it does get better, it's all worth it once you meet your baby & you never know how you might feel in the future :-)

I have got a tip, that might sound a bit silly, but it really helps me so I'll tell you anyway... Stay away from all clothing that is in any way tight around your bump or hips. I've discovered that if I wear maternity jeans, because they have elastic around the bump or over it, my pelvis feels a lot worse after only a couple of hours. Even tight fitting maternity tops or leggings seem to set things off. I am living I dresses or a pair of leggings that sit over my bump without any pressure.

I also found last time that the NHS support belt and tubi grip made things worse. I read somewhere that if your pelvis is out of line and you wear a support belt, you will just be holding your pelvis in the bad position. I suppose everyone is different though as some people find them helpful.

Anyway, sorry for the essay, I just couldn't read your post and not reply. Good luck.

Hi superslinger, that sounds pretty grim :( I didn't think I would go in for another baby either. My SPD was quite bad for a 1st pregnancy, I was on crutches at one point, I could not walk any real distance for the 2nd half of the pregnancy. It was considered trips up from the sofa to the loo/for food. Every movement hurt, even pressing the accelerator to drive. I did not have carpal tunnel though. I suffered also for about 9months after the pregnancy when I weaned baby things only improving notably about this time last year, and I would get twinges from time to time up until I fell pregnant again. I am now 28 weeks pregnant and almost no symptoms.

It is 'there', but I have been seeing an obstetric physio from day one, I also now know what to do/not do (for example how to move) I have a 4 inch memory foam topper on my bed which helps the hip pain from sleeping on my side at night. I have been doing a physio endorsed pilates video etc. I have belts from my last pregnancy (they actually really helped then) but not needing them as yet. Work ordered me a chair which is made to fit my particular needs. All of that said, for me I realise much of it is about my hips being in the right place, they go out, my physio adjusts them almost every time. I am also a bit on the hypermobile side anyway I think

Hope this offers a bit of optimism if you want to go in for another.

Don't be disheartened, theres a lot to go through yet. You have to see how you take to motherhood and how your body recovers.

I had a horrible 1st pregnancy and was resusitated i was so ill and now with dd1 at 2 years Im pregnant again and we were POSITIVE we weren't going to go through that again. This pregnancy is much better and although horrendous morning sickness has carried onto 20 weeks its bearable.

Just enjoy your 1st baby and see how you go. The hormones won't be helping your decision making at this stage.xx

Thank you all. I'm due tomorrow and have to say in more pain and more miserable than ever. Just when I think I've got used to how bad it is it seems to get worse. I'm now really worried I'm going to go massively overdue too - I just want it to be over so much, but body not showing a single sign baby's on the way and if the SPD keeps getting worse at this rate I just don't know how I'm going to survive potentially another two weeks! :(

Anyway, my intention of coming back on here wasn't just to moan more, it was to say thank you for your lovely support, especially the posts about it disappearing once you give both - you've no idea how important your stories are in keeping me going! Digestives, thank you, thank you for the essay! Wow, your SPD sounds much worse than mine - certainly grateful not to require injections and morphine! Poor you! I almost burst into tears of gratitude when you followed all of that with the point that even from that bad it went after birth! And then I DID have a bit of a well-up about your twins! CONGRATULATIONS to you!!!!!! Thanks for the tips as well, will def give them a try. I already rejected the tubi-grip after physio explained it would actually weaken muscles... Be interested in what you think of birthing ball sitting too - another thing you're advised to use but which I'm convinced make things worse...

ball really helped me i think. good luck! i must admit i had a elective section due to my spd then a VBAC after. I have since heard that it can make labour quicker though but i wasn't in the mental state to try that at the time. All the best! let us know how you get on!

Horrible isn't it? I had mild spd but terrible sciatica which predated the pregnancy from a sports injury but became severe from about 3 months gone. I was in agony taking codiene, could hardly walk by the end. It took a little while after the birth to clear and flared up massively after elcs but baby is 9 weeks and I'm completely fine now doing daily dog walks of several miles and no pain at all. In fact the pregnancy seems to have cured the injury which had been bothering me for over a year before. Your body is amazing. You will be surprised and delighted. Promise x