Pregnant or Newborn for Wedding? Which is easier?

[Talyra]

I'm considering trying for my first soon, but concerned because my sister is getting married next year and timing likely means I would either have a 2 week old newborn or if I left it any later be heavily pregnant. I don't know which of those is preferable - does anyone have any experience?

It's about an hour and a half away by car from my house, but it's near my mum's house so it would be possible for me to stay over. Part of me wants to wait to TTC because it's so nice having just the two of us right now, but I'm getting older and I know I can't count on it happening quickly. Also, my career is stagnant due to the economy so it seems a positive time to take a few months off.

I know I'm probably over-thinking all this (it's my tendency to, plus I have few people to discuss it with as I don't want anyone to know our plans just yet). But what would you think would be easier? Newborn or pregnant, and how late in pregnancy is OK to travel that distance?

(I've NC for this because some people know my nickname)

Just get on with it. The likelihood of you getting pregnant first month are low, and so you will end up disappointed if your plans don't work out. Either will be fine, assuming you feed you won't be drinking either way. I am due at the time my bil wedding at the end of this year and would prefer pregnant but husband would prefer born ad he worries I'll go into labour, and we are about an hour away from hospital. Don't overthink it.

This is just my personal point of view but, having experienced both scenarios, being heavily pregnant was much easier. But then dd was a crier, did not like noisy environments and would only bf in comfortable situations. Some babies love noise and activity and sleep and feed through anything. I was also of the stressy variety of new mums and did not take a relaxed enough approach to the whole thing. I was planning to wait to ttc do I'd be pregnant and not have a newborn at my best friends wedding. But I've just found I'm expecting no 3 so I'll have a 3 month old all being well!

Actually though I agree with pmgkt. Don't over think it. Just go with whatever happens and enjoy it either way.

Chances of the timing working out exactly are really slim but FWIW I'd rather be heavily pregnant at a wedding than have a newborn in tow.

Plus on a first baby, even if you did go into labour you'd probably have loads of time to get to hospital at the first signs of labour.

I attended my sisters wedding yesterday with 12 day old ds and found it easy, he slept through most of it and fed fine I just found a quiet place to latch him on, threw a blanket over my shoulder and rejoined the party. However ds is a fairly placcid baby, not really a cried, and he is my 3rd born so I am probably a bit more relaxed than a new mum.

I think start trying sooner than later, it will probably take a couple of goes anyway and you could end up being just mid pregnancy which would probably be easiest solution of all.

Pregnant is easier than having a newborn . That said, id probably just go for it anyway

That is good to know. I have got it into my head being pregnant will be really hard and I wouldn't be able to do much and am glad to know that might not be the case! I hadn't thought about the lots of time to get to hospital side of things - I suppose I have a lot to learn, on TV it all seems to happen pretty fast but I had forgotten that is not actually how it happens.

I found my first pregnancy really easy (but not everyone does). I attended my best friends wedding 3 hours away at 37 weeks pregnant and it was fab, I sat on a really comfy sofa in the evening and our friends came to talk to me during rest stops from dancing etc.. It was actually one of the most enjoyable weddings I've ever been to! Plus really easy to dress for, comfy maxi dress, flat shoes, no worried about hiding fat bits etc as I was resplendent in my fully pregnant state!

We subsequently took then 12 week old DD to another wedding and it was awful. I had PND, she was a nightmare baby anyway and I just found it all so so stressful.

Hence my view that pregnant is definitely preferable to newborn!

I wouldn't recommend being between 37-42 weeks at the date of the wedding. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date so you might be in labour and miss the whole thing.

Margerykemp oh eek that's a point! I know I was a first baby and early. Not sure if this runs in families.

Definitely easier when you're pg. I went to one wedding at 36 wks pg and another when dd was about 6 wo. The first one was way easier, I didn't have to miss any of the action like the second one when one of us had to take her out of the church when she cried, miss half the speeches because she needed walking to sleep in the pushchair, or leave the reception early because she was ready for her evening feedathon.

HTH

If it's only a matter of waiting a month before ttc then I would wait. If it's longer than that I would be inclined to crack on as you don't know how long to will take to get pregnant. Could you plan a month "off" trying to avoid the newborn scenario? As Margery said, the baby might be 2 weeks late and there's every chance you could still be in hospital on the wedding date.

I haven't been to a wedding with a newborn, dd was 4 moths old at her first. I missed a lot of the day through feeding and walking round with the pram trying to get her to settle. Given a choice I would say pregnant is better.

I agree that there's not a great deal of point trying to plan when you fall pregnant when you're talking about a difference of a month or so - it may not be in your hands to decide, so I say just get on with it. However, I attended a wedding over 300 miles from home when I was two days from my due date and it was fine. I just took my medical notes and directions to the hospital just in case, but I didn't need them and had a lovely day. It was a little perturbed when I started with "tightenings" the night before the wedding, but they didn't come to anything. Some of my friends thought I was mad, but it really wasn't a big deal - it's not like I went trekking in the Himalayas or anything!
Just try to relax and enjoy!

Yes start trying but if you're not pregnant by 12 weeks before the wedding may want to have a break. Wedding in first tri with sickness and extreme tiredness - ugh

It's certainly easy to find reasons to put it off, but there's always going to be another thing I suppose. Just thought now how awkward it would be to be in early pregnancy at Xmas and not wanting to explain why not drinking!

I wouldnt try to over think it... You might be lucky but it took us a while to get pg, and if you really start planning you will always find a good reason to wait... Weddings, holidays, Christmas, work etc etc. Good luck and enjoy the experience!

I'd say pregnant tbh. I'm expecting dc 3 and honestly I just make sure I'm not on my feet constantly and drink lots of water and I'm fine doing anything (not heavy lifting ofc but weddings etc) newborns need a lot of stuff, some do not like noisy busy places and some like my dd scream all day and night and expect unfettered access to your norks, and imo I felt better dressing up pregnant than postnatal with newly bfing boobs.

Although as pps said timing isn't something you can count on, ds took a year ttc, dd 6 mnths, this baby 3mnths.

Good luck x

Honestly, don't over-think it. If you want to start TTC, just do it. You have no idea how long it will take, & even if it happens immediately, whether baby would come on time. I know it would be a shame to miss your sister's wedding, but sometimes things can't be helped.

I was bridesmaid to my best friend when my DD was 7wks old. My friend accommodated my pg state brilliantly - I had a much bigger dress ordered for me & then it was taken in. DH, DD and I were all invited to her mum's to get ready & then DH (who is actually a really sweet hands-on Dad) looked after DD while I did my bridesmaidly duties. She had her reception in a hotel, so we booked a room and DH gave DD a bottle of expressed milk when we got there, and later we went upstairs to feed DD again. DD was (& still is) a content, relaxed little baby and enjoyed the attention.

I'm also going to my friend's hen do at 32ish wks pg with #2 & her wedding at 37wks (assuming baby stays put). I have a dress I bought in the sale that I'll dress up with jewellery etc and the only concession I'll make to pg is to take a pair of flat shoes for dancing in!!

pregnant without a doubt! with a first labour you could travel that distance easily in most cases.
2 week old first baby could be hard, feeding can be tricky at first and difficult to do discreetly, you are tired and all over the place.
Don't underestimate the possibility you may be one of the (very) lucky ones who gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. It may be unlikely but far from out of the question.

Thanks for all the advice! I feel greatly reassured about the possibility of being pregnant for it which is the most likely scenario, now I have a few months to get over my conception nerves before we start trying :)