Unwanted and rather rude comments!

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

I walked out of our front door yesterday to see DH speaking with a neighbour. Upon seeing my 35 wk pg form, he actually said, "alright fatso?". I told him that he was lucky that I was such a lady otherwise my response would have begun with an 'F' too. DH has also started to call me 'biggie' which I have told him time and time again, pisses me off and doesn't make me feel good about myself.

We (DH and I) chatted about what the neighbour had said and he said that I was being a little unreasonable as he was just making conversation and acknowledging me. I consider that to be complete BS and that when I see other pg women, I actually compliment them and use positive words.

Is anyone else having to deal with this verbal diarrhoea?

I got called 'telly tubbie' quite alot. Also, once I was at a BBQ and the host looked me up and down and said 'your stomach is bigger that your tits'. I was very hormonal and told him to 'fuck off for fuck's sake' and that is not usually how I react (I am usually a laydee!) and he got shitty and since then (2 years plus) he blanks me because I was rude to HIM!

Tons of people at work started to refer to me as tubs too. I know most do it in jest although the 2 that annoyed me most were a woman who knows I suffer from an eating disorder (idiot) and a woman who is huge and was obviously glad that I was getting bigger.

I'm a teacher so not many males around although my one male friend used to call me fatty before I became preg (his idea of a joke as I was pretty small, it was in humour and I always took it that way) and didn't stop all the way through saying if he stopped now then I'd think he wasn't saying it coz I was actually fat :) My response was always 'I'm only gonna be fat for 9 months, you're stuck with that face for life' :) He also found that funny.

i like your response Fisharefriends. i can't believe that some people think that you shouldn't be self concious just because you're pregnant or that they can say what they want and you'd be wrong to be upset or hurt.

some people make comments about my bump or say that i'm blooming and i don't mind that because they are talking baout my pregnancy and i love my bump but when people (in the last pregnancy) made general comments about my size i got really upset. calling you fatso is making a very personal comment about you, not enquiring about your pregnancy and even if it was meant inncoently i totally understand why you were hurt.

i'm really concious of the additional weight i've gained in this pregnancy and i know it's my issue and it's not my main concern (obviously my baby is!) but i would be deeply hurt if my DH made mean comments to me. i wouldn't have the nerve to kick off at the neighbour but i would expect my OH to back me up and maybe even say something on my behalf.

I agree with hzgreen although I don't mind my Dh doing it because it is 'our' joke and said in love. I wouldn't want just anyone really witty to be coming out with stuff like that, if I didn't know them, or it was with dubious motive. :)

I went to one of my husbands works parties the other week at 35 weeks pregnant, I do have a very big bump and after various comments of omg, how many are in there, what have you eaten etc etc all of which is fine and I laugh off, walked past a man who looked at me and said you fat bastard!! That I was offended at and that shocked me and my husband that we both did nothing but laughed and walked away!, I was so angry at myself why didnt I just say I'm pregnant whats your excuse?!
Turns out my husband didnt even know him!!

I am with twofurryones on this. I am pregnant, I am bigger, people have eyes. It doesn't bother me at all. However calling someone a fat bastard is just rude. Being asked if there is two in there and all that malarkey doesn't bother me and I don't think is often intended to be rude.

How many, big bump etc all fine if wearing. Fatty, tubby etc is not okay

My boyfriend frequently helps me off the sofa and says 'come on, fatty'. My sister calls me 'tubby'. I frequently joke about having eaten too many cakes...

Doesn't bother me in the slightest when it's obviously said in jest. Yes I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I have a very obvious bump, I don't think people are being deliberately hurtful; however 'fat bastard' would probably have received a rude response from me.

At work they say "here comes fatty" & at home they call me big mama!
I wasn't very big before. Don't think they would make such a joke of it if I was. One of my colleagues is pregnant but was big before. She doesn't get any comments!

Whether pregnant or not, negative comments about my personal appearance are absolutely not welcome. Whether the critics intend to be rude or not, perhaps they should engage their bloody brains prior to speaking.

As for DH, given that he doesn't think that he is insulting me, I may just find out if he would like me to make negative comments about him repeatedly. Let's see if I am overreacting then.

Omg get this some teenage mother with her teenage mother friends (not stereotypical btw but they were all young smoking away ) "excuse me can I ask u a question without sounding rude " me "yes sure" " are u expecting twins cause ur massive" I mean Omg!!!! I nearly ran hone crying

I'm 5ft3 and almost 36 weeks pregnant now. Growth scans have shown this baby is long and as a result my bump is fairly impressive. But, my MIL likened me to a 'beached whale' when talking to my SIL in front of me. A couple of weeks later she advised me not to weigh myself as I'd probably break the scales. When DH told her to stop saying things like that as they were upsetting me she said 'well I didn't mean it like that'. Not sure how else she thought I'd interpret them.

I went to a family party last weekend and as I arrived my sister in law shouted 'Hey everyone the fat lady's here'. Made me feel very self-conscious and pissed off. I think people assume that women know they're big because they are pregnant and therefore don't care about being called fat in the normal way they would. They are completely wrong of course - and when I know someone well I explain that actually there's never a good time to call a woman fat. I think your neighbour meant no harm but I think your response was spot on. If he didn't get the message and does it again, I'd say to him that being called fat hurts your feelings. I expect he'll be very embarrassed.

Oh and start calling your husband 'Tiny' while wiggling your little finger at him when he calls you 'Biggie' and I expect he'll stop doing that pretty quickly!

My MN username is entirely due to my workmate's nn for me when pg with my DD, 'Chunk'. Tbh I couldn't give a rat's arse, prob because I don't consider myself to be fat normally & if fatter women than me want to comment about my size, who cares??!! I'm growing a baby, it'll go. Now I'm pg again, she's taken to calling me it again and again, I couldn't give a monkey's. She is only being affectionate and hasn't been anything other than supportive despite my maternity leave impacting on her and so on.

If a stranger said something, I would be more bothered, but I might say "yeah, that's what happens when you're pregnant - d'oh!!" and imply they're stupid for not knowing that. As for comments about big bumps, people talk bollocks, fact. As long as I'm the 'right' size for my stage, they can speculate all they want - again, it'll go once baby arrives!!

what makes me self conscious is that the rest of me is quite huge, if it was just my bump i wouldn't be so concerned, in fact the bigger my bump the better as far as i'm concerned. it's good that people are secure enough to not be bothered by personal comments like the one by the OP's neighbour but i not everyone is that secure and you don't know how sensitive someone is feeling about their size/weight/bumpuntil it's too late.

i agree with Razzoo - it's never a good time to call a woman fat.