Feeling uncertain

[whatsinthebagangelos]

Hi all

I haven't posted for a while as I'm feeling lots of weird things about this pregnancy.

Initially I was over the moon, so was DH. But after a few weeks I began to have creeping doubts. I don't know if it's my hormones going crazy or something else but ive been feeling disconnected from the pregnancy, despite lots of symptoms and a visible bump. I'm finding it hard to get used to feeling that my body is not my own. Am also worried that i wont bond with the baby or cope with the birth. We got pregnant in our first month of trying which we feel very lucky for, although I wonder if it's been a bit of a shock at the same time.

Can anyone reassure me? Have shared some of my worries with dh who is great but am wondering if this is something more that I should talk to midwife about or a normal part of adjusting. This is my first. Thanks

I should add that I'm now 12 weeks and having my scan next week. Had an earlier scan at 7 weeks due to bleeding.

I think it's probably fairly normal - I feel quite disconnected too and couldn't quite get my head round the fact that the picture on the screen at my 12 week scan was something growing inside me. We tried for a year and then did IVF so I was surprised to feel like this but I am not letting it worry me. I am assumoing that once I get a bump (I'm 14 weeks now) and as things progress my feelings will change!

Worrying that you won't bond with the baby or cope with the birth are definitely normal feelings which lots of people have. Again, I am taking the approach that nature will take its course and there's no point worrying about things you have no control over.

For me, directing my thoughts is helping. I've started looking at nursery furniture this week and decluttering our spare room. Practical tasks are making it all a bit more real for me.

Panic not and spend time on Mumsnet. I'm sure more knowledgable ladies than me will come along soon (I'm a first timer too!) with some pearls of wisdom.

Like you, we decided to try for a baby and it happened for us within just 2 weeks of trying. DP was thrilled, I was absolutely petrified and it took me until about 14 weeks before I came round to the idea, but I know exactly how you feel about being disconnected. It wasn't until I started to feel her moving that I thought 'actually, I'm going to be this little things mum and that's pretty awesome' and started to enjoy it. I HATED the idea of my body not being my own, all these mental changes that were just annoying me. I've always been quite body-proud and eat healthily/work out to look half decent so to see it all changing because of pregnancy really affected me. I would talk to DP about this all the time, and as much as I knew he felt very very differently to me, it really helped, he gave me a lot of things to think about and my perspective has changed a lot. I'm not 27+1 and can't wait to become a mum. My body will be mine again but so will my baby girl. It's a huge change both physically and mentally and you should give yourself plenty of time to adjust to this, however long it takes :) Hope that helps xx

I'm now* 27+1

Thanks so much for your advice. I guess there is a perception that you 'must be so happy' whereas actually having a baby is a massive life changing event and something you can't imagine until it happens to you. I guess also I'm feeling some guilt as a close friend is having difficulty TTC so feel that I should be feeling nothing but joy but the reality is different!

Good to know its fairly normal and nothing I need to worry about. I guess when we tell more people after the scan I'll be able to talk to my mum etc, this may also reassure me as she has said in the past she wasn't the maternal type! And am pretty sure she was happy when I came along!

Exactly, you shouldn't feel a certain way just because its expected of you, especially not instantly. Everyone handles situations differently and for some of us, it just takes a long time. I have family members and a friends that have also been TTC for years too, and it does fill you with a bit of guilt and you do kind of think 'I should be happy but I'm not' but it doesn't mean you wont be in time. After your scan it becomes very real and you'll probably feel different again, but don't feel like you're the odd one out... there's so so soooo many ladies on here that have reassured me after their own 'am I happy or not' experiences and they were all right, it hit me eventually and I couldn't be happier. I'm sure you will be too :) xx

Similar here - got PG in the first month of trying despite me being 38 y.o. and having high FSH result. Three days after the positive test I had a major crying session (in a restaurant!) saying "do you realise we had such a great life and it's over now?!" and also sobbing "i will never be on my own ever again!".... Having bled at 7 weeks (luckily all was ok) I felt guilty and was crying again ("my fault, i did not want it enough").... I am 31+4 now and I am more accustomed to the thought of having a baby but it is scary and there are times when I am unsure how it will all work out. I have never been particularly maternal and I enjoy us as a couple, the freedom of doing things at a short notice. We do try to enjoy freedom we still have - like going to theatres, concerts, restaurants where you would not go with kids, travelling (we did quite a lot up until week 28), etc...As for the pregnancy itself - luckily, I have been having an easy one with no sickness and little pain, but I can't say I enjoy my growing body (8kg!), my itchy breasts, etc. , although I do not hate them, either.Sometimes I get angry and say to my husband "stop treating me as an incubator/container" or "if you only knew how it feels being pregnant 24/7"; but there are other times when I think it will be lovely to have our own family and kids... I even quite liked choosing pram and cot for the baby, too...Overall, I do think I will be a good mother, even if bonding may not happen immediately; luckily my husband is very parental and more accustomed to kids, so I am hoping that together we'll work it out!!