Am I the only one to get annoyed by....

[mytime777]

...the question ' was it planned?'
Me and my dp ( who have been together years ) decided to try for our first so it was planned but I'm finding it difficult to know what to do/ say when I get asked that question. I think it's really personal, intrusive and find it quite annoying. I'd never dream of asking anyone this.
Does anyone else feel this?
Perhaps im getting a little paranoid as our baby is due December and I think that people are sure that it was unplanned as ' who would plan a December baby so close to Xmas'? Also we're not married or engaged.
Would I get this question if we were married / engaged and expecting in say June?
What do u think?
Keen to know what others think and if anyone has any suggestions as to what I can say to avoid answering as I don't feel I should have to.
Thanks in advance.

Both my parents and parents in law asked us if our baby was planned when we told them. I just said 'of course'! I think it's just a case of not knowing what to say. Embarrassingly I remember years ago, asking a guy who works for me whether their baby was planned when he told me- feel bad saying something like that now, but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

I'm the opposite. We got married last October so everyone has been waiting but I wanted to get settled into my new job, lose weight and get fit so it was all a happy surprise. My line is "I'm prergnant totally not planned; I'm one of 1% failure rate" just to get the point across. My mum cheerfully replied "you weren't planned either" (she was preganant within 6 weeks of getting married). I guess you can't win either way!

Every single person I told about my first pregnancy asked me this - my parents, brothers, boss even (hugely inappropriate). Like you, I think this was because we're not married or engaged, nor likely to be.

I always just said yes, but mostly wanted to say "none of your business" - but if you say that then they'll assume it wasn't planned, so up to you whether you're bothered or not.

Incidentally, about a year after my first was born people started routinely asking me whether we wanted another one and when we might have it - also pretty inappropriate I think. This is one I've been guilty of in the past, and I try really hard not to ask anyone this any more unless they steer the conversation in that direction, since you never know what someone's situation is.

I've had this question with all three of my pregnancies and wound me up a treat. One of my neighbours asked with all three... I was so tempted to reply with something along the lines of "no, just me and DP got really carried away one night". Not sure what her reponse would have been to that!!

I honestly don't mind it. I just say it was a welcome surprise. And if I ever asked it, it would be out of interest, not because i cared if someone was married or not. I think people are just interested.

My response is always "well, we weren't actively NOT trying to get pregnant."

Congratulations by the way!

thats mine too tiddly. i usually get the planned question so they know wether to be happy or what not.

Totally agree
My partner and I have not been together all that long, so almost everyone has asked this. It is actually quite an intrusive question when you really think about it, and makes me reply in a very stumbly, awkward way, since I don't actually think I should have to go into the finer details of our contraceptive choices every 5 mins...

But at the same time, I do realise its not intended that way. It's just a bog standard pregnancy question.

There was another thread recently with a very similar topic, but I can't remember where I saw it, but someone suggested that people (especially if they are around your own age) ask because they are wondering if they should be thinking of having children, and the thought that you hadn't planned it would reassure them that they don't need to be thinking about it just yet!! It made sense to me, as I've realised older people tend not to ask and assume it's a lovely thing no matter the circumstance.

Although for me I have a different experience, because I've been through hell TTC for the last 3 years - finally pregnant, only told a few people but I don't think I'll get that question just because so many family and friends know what we've been going through.

My boss asked me this!! Which I'm sure is completely illegal and totally inappropriate.

I also hate being asked if I want it to be a boy or a girl. As it's my first I cannot understand why someone would want one or the other. I always snap back "I want a healthy baby!!"

Now that really does annoy me. Especially when people act like having 2 the same sex is somehow a disappointment. We all have our buttons to press...

I think it's damn right rude ! I've been asked that I get so embarrassed ! I mean come on y dnt u come watch Ffs ! Lol sorry for rant having a bad day ! :(

Its very rude. I just answer "well you don't accidentally have ivf so yes, it's planned!"

I hate this too, so much!! Everybody - all ages, family, friends, work colleagues - everybody has asked. And it's none of their flipping business whatsoever. I've point blank refused to answer people sometimes because I can't understand why they need to know this. Also second the 'what do you want, a boy or a girl?' question - but even more so I hate the expectation that I would want a girl . All of this coupled with the whole right to touch me malarky proves that when you're pregnant people seem to think you become public property!! All manners and respect for privacy/personal space go out the window.

"Was it planned?" was the first thing DPs mother said to us when we told her the happy news she was to be a grandmother for the first time. It was said like we were horny teenagers who had just met. We are 37, own our own homes, live together, have been together 4yrs and both have good jobs. It was the last thing I expected to hear and we were both very disappointed....

With DC1, FIL said to us "oh no, what are you going to do?" er, keep it and that's why we're telling you.

With DC2 we've had no end of "was it planned?" far, far more than first time strangely. First time we had been together 2 years, living together but renting and engaged for a month. This time we'd been together over 4 years, engaged over 2 years, living in our own 3 bed house and have managed to keep our daughter alive for almost 2 years. So why would people assume that this one wasn't planned?

Oh and when we found out yesterday we're having another girl the first thing MIL said was "are you disappointed?" FFS

Even my hairdresser (the first and only time I'd met her) asked me this and I'm married. It's just so rude!

It was planned and in fact we tried for a while so I'm never sure what to say!