How do I politely write in my birth plan that I don't want a certain midwife anywhere near me or my newborn when the time comes?

[Pootle78]

Ds was born last year and after 3 nights of no sleep and being told by the same midwife I was neglecting him, starving him, changing him wrong and even holding him wrong, if she is still working there, I don't want her to be anywhere near me or my new born (due in 3 weeks).

I've managed to find out the full name of the midwife and wondered how tactfully to write it on my birth plan!

I've got a midwife appt today and was going to ask her if so and so still works there but I'm a grumpy miserable cow at the moment so tactful isn't my strong point currently!!!

I know last year I should have put a complaint in but was a new mum who was just a bit shocked by everything and ended up with a 5 week old with a uti that went undiagnosed from birth and a stay in the children's ward.

Thanks

I would speak to the head of midwifery about it tbh. We had a very bad experience with one particular midwife with DS1 and I spoke to the head of midwifery about it, and we didn't see her when I had DS2. Don't know whether this was a co-incidence or not, but it's less public than writing it on a birth plan that will be seen by all her colleagues .

Good luck with No 2.

Firstly I should hope that particular midwife was sacked a long time ago if she was like that to you! What a bitch

Either way, I agree with Pirate , talk to the head of midwifery about it. They've got to respect your wishes, and after your experience with her, it's understandable.

Could u telephone the hospital and ask them? You don't need to be rude jus explain that you do not want that particular midwife ? But if she was like that to u I bet she has upset someone else and probably isn't there anymore ?

Thanks for your replies, think I'll ask midwife this afternoon if she is still there and then make a plan of action.

To be honest I really don't care if her colleagues see it written down but to be honest I think they already know as after the second night last year I broke down in front if another midwife and her comment was "you don't need to tell me who you're talking about, I know"

sittingbull we could have had the same midwife with a comment like that, at one point I wanted to go back to the hospital and stick 2 fingers up at her as I ended up expressing for first 4 months and then got him latched on til 7 months! (this was after managing to express 3 ml of colustrum on day 2 and was told well that's no good for him!)

3ml of colostrum could feed a family of four for a week! ;)

don't be tactful.

just put "i do not wish to have any contact with ....., even if you are short-staffed"

She's still there, on permanent nights. But midwife said I can refuse all care just ask on labour ward if they send me up to post natal to make sure there's no contact. I do like your straightforwardness nickel

been there - i had a stupid registrar who I made it very clear i did not want anywhere near me :)

Oh no, I'm only 9+2 and met my midwife for first time this week, been crying ever since. This does not bode well! What happened in the days of old where you had a baby and raised it with no interference from anyone!?!!

I have a friend who "sacked" 2 midwives and a consultant before she was happy with her care, so slightly if you're not happy make sure you either talk to your gp or the head of midwifery

Slightly, change midwives now! After my first MW appt when I was 9 wks with DS1 I was in floods of tears - she was absolutely vile. I spent the first 20 mins of the appt explaining about my IVF and then she went through the questions on the sheet and proceeded to ask me if I'd had fertility problems! When I looked at her incredulously and explained I'd told her about my IVF already she said, "well you're pg aren't you, so you can't be infertile"!

I nearly punched her .

My 2nd MW wasn't great but thankfully I was under cons care so was able to see the hospital MWs for most of my appts who were amazing .

Just say so, politely. "Because of a negative experience following the birth of my last child, I do not want to be cared for by midwife x." IMHO you don't need to have made a complaint earlier to raise a concern now.

When I was in hospital with DS I had a problem with a midwife (who pinched my nipple when allegedly helping me bf and was generally vile), so when the shift changed I told another midwife I didn't want to be cared for by her, and I wasn't. No fuss or drama, and it wasn't mentioned again.

Springforward has the right response. It's polite and not aggressive but clear. Also speak to the head midwife to make this clear.

The other thing you have to remember, if you don't want this midwife and don't like her, she'd probably rather know that too. I work in healthcare and have had problems with patients - whether through something I've done or just negative circumstances (not many, I hope!) and I would much rather know in advance if an emergency came in who didn't want to see me, that they would be steered towards a collegue.

write it clearly in your notes/birth plan, and ensure that the midwife looking after you on labour ward hands it over to the post natal ward. don't feel bad, or guilty or anything. If she is crap then trust me, all the other midwives will know it and will understand. It happens a lot more than you realise. we often have notes in our office saying 'x does not want to see midwife z'. That midwife sees the note too, but it's fine. It's that woman's right and it's never questioned. I do really believe that midwives reap what they sow and if they're mean then they should deal with the shame of women refusing to be cared for by them.

Speak to the head of midwifery. I did this with dd after a registrar forced my legs into stirrups whilst I screamed in pain at her saying I had spd. She then proceeded to deliver ds by ventouse pulling when I didn't have a contraction, and stitched my episiotomy so badly the gp who checked it at my 6 week checkup was shocked. I basically told the HOM that I didn't want this dr anywhere near me during my delivery. I had a different, very nice and very competent dr for my second labour.