Pregnant after MMC - am I being silly???

[Excitedbutscared84]

I have just found out I am 5 weeks after a MMC in early May. But I just cant seem to get excited about it, last time I was so excited and it was in every thought of everyday. But when I MC I was told the baby had died weeks ago and my body was slow catching up so I feel scared of getting attached again.

I went to the doctors this morning to book in my pregnancy as I have an incompetent servix so need an op at 13 weeks and asked if I could have a blood test to make sure my hcg levels were rising and she looked at me like I was crazy and asked if I thought that was a bit dramatic! I understand its not the norm and I am only 5 weeks but I thought it would help me if I knew that things were happening as they should for now - she has agreed to let me have them done but refused point blank to try and get me a scan at the early pregnancy unit!

Am I being dramatic about this, at the end of the day all I want to know is that things are progressing I know there is no guarentee it will all be ok but I hoped it would help me bond if I knew things were moving forward?

Hello excitedbutscared, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do - I had a mmc in November last year (baby died at just over 9 weeks but I didn't find out until the 12 week scan) and got pregnant again in February (I'm currently 24 weeks). I found those early weeks really tough - I felt like I couldn't get excited about the prospect of having a baby because of what had happened last time, not to mention that with a short time in between the pregnancies my feelings of loss were still very close to the surface. I did get an early scan because of some spotting but even though that was reassuring at the time, I was back to worrying a week or two later and it felt like an absolute age before the 12 week scan came around. Sorry, that sounds very doom and gloom, I think you just have to take one day at a time at the moment and try not to overthink things, though I appreciate just how hard that is.

Remember that it's okay to feel the way you do, and perfectly natural. I'm sorry I can't offer some more constructive advice, I think it's one of those things you just have to go through. One thing I did which helped was to buy clothes for this baby early on - I hadn't bought any last time around. It helped things to feel more real and I felt like it was me putting my faith in my body and my baby, that probably sounds pretty silly, but it did help me to visualise a happy ending.

Hang in there, be kind to yourself and do whatever feels right or brings you comfort, this is a difficult but lovely time and there is no one way to feel - the excitement and attachment will come :)

P.S - I just realised I didn't actually answer your question! I don't think you are being dramatic and you should do whatever you think will help. When I had my spotting I did another clearblue test with the conception indicator, and it put me at exactly the gestation I thought I was, which did help to reassure me. Not as accurate or informative as a blood test but perhaps worth considering if your doctor doesn't budge.

Hi, It is brilliant that you got pregnant again so quickly and I don't think you are being silly at all. It is a really worrying time. I had a MMC last year (found out at 11 weeks but baby died at 7 and a half) and I am now pregnant again (21 wks). The doctor said it is usually just bad luck and there is no reason why the second pregnancy shouldn't be fine but I found it really hard the first few weeks this time too and didn't feel I could wait until the 12 wk scan. I had an early scan this time at 7 and a half weeks. I had to pay for it privately but it was worth every penny to put my mind at rest. According to the doc who did the scan, if the baby is about the right size and has a good heartbeat at 7-8 weeks, the risk of miscarriage goes down to about 2%, so after that, I felt like I could relax a bit and start to look forward to things.

Good luck, hope it all goes well.

Hello Excitedbutscared I know exactly how you feel. I also had a mmc in early May, and I'm now pregnant again, about 5 weeks. It is so hard for me to feel excited this time around, in fact my husband and I have hardly been talking about it. I'm sorry your doctor wasn't entirely sympathetic--it's so hard when you don't get the support you need. You might want to just go over to the EPU yourself and try to get them to scan you. Tell them you had a missed mc last time. When I had the mc in may, the EPU sonographer said I should come back next time at 6 weeks, which is next week for me. I'm so nervous.
Anyway, I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you you're not alone, and you're certainly not being silly. Very best of luck to you, and hope this bean is a sticky one.

You aren't being overly dramatic. I had two mmc's. What happened for me was I stopped seeing a positive pregnancy test as a baby but as a pregnancy. The shock of a mc is that you lose your innocence. Before you assume everything will work but then you just don't know any more and with a mmc feel you can't trust your body or your instincts.

Take it easy and if you are really concerned then push for an early scan. Be aware though that for your own benefit they don't really like to do that until you are 8-10 wks as a good outcome then will be more positive long term than a good outcome prior to 8 weeks.

I now have a 16mo from my third pregnancy and I can tell you he was worth the wait.

pregnancy after MC is terribly hard :(

I am 27 weeks with DS2, but this is my 7th pregnancy. After DS1, I had 3 MMCs around 12 weeks, and then 2 earlier MCs.

I found you literally have to live it day by day and do whatever you can to distract yourself. Unfortunately MC is so common, and it's not until you have 3 you're considered "worthy" of extra attention.

All crossed that your pregancy advances well. I am only starting to begin believing it now that I am going to have another baby, and I told virtually no-one until after the 20 weeks scan.

excited, I definately don't think you're being overly dramatic. You want to protect your emotions after your mmc, and as Sophie said, you no longer associate a positive pg test with a baby.

I had a mc in march and am now 7 weeks pg, and it's been a difficult time (and seems to be moving very slowly). I wouldn't recommend the clearblue tests, as I got an unreassuring result which sent me into a panic. Mixed result from health professionals, I called epu who suggested a blood test, but she didn't even ask my details or record I'd called, which I now understand she should have done. I expected gp to think I was stupid for being so upset when I went for test results, but he was great. Blood test normal and he arranged for me to get a scan. Lady at epu who arranged time of scan was a bit condesending, but lady I saw for the scan was lovely. Is there a diff gp you could see at your practice, as IME some more understanding than others?

Good luck, hope all goes well.

I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I had a mmc in November and am now 15 weeks pregnant. I didn't allow myself to think of the pregnancy as a baby until we had the scan (just the normal one at 11+4) and even now I keep asking DH do you think it's still in there (despite not being able to do my jeans up anymore.)

I'm not sure how much benefit there is to early scans, I couldn't sleep before my scan and it only reassured me that the baby was ok while they were doing it, within a few days I was back to thinking that everything could have gone wrong again without me knowing,like it did last time.

I read some advice on here a while back which was to tell yourself "I'm pregnant today" and that has been the thing that has helped me most.

Good luck

Hi I'm 5 wks 2 days PG - i had a MMC in July 2011 and then again in Dec 11. both times my pregnancy got to around 9 weeks - the first time was a complete shock at 12 wk scan - I had never even heard of MMC and the 2nd time I knew - just felt different.interested to hear people's views here as I'm in the same situation wondering should I go for a private scan etc. Promised myself I would carry on life as normal minus the wine and not obsess - but here I am lurking on the pregnancy board!!!!!!

Jank I am 5+1 today so only a day apart. I am the same as you always thought you know when you miscarried but hearing I had lost it weeks ago (prob before I even found out) made it worse as I had got excited about something that was already gone!
I am going to wait to speak to midwife this week and push for the early scan as I have an incompetent cervix so I need to get to 13 weeks before the real hard work begins like having my stitch! I am excited but am so scared its taken over my life already and I know the hardest is yet to come as I have nearly lost my previous dc at 22 and 23 weeks, dc1 was eventually born at 28 weeks and dc2 at 33 by c section due to spd complications! I just dont know how I am going to keep going right now I even had a nightmare last night about a MC.
I never realised how hard MC can be before I had one