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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Best friend just told me shes pregnant....

17 replies

Paddocks1 · 10/07/2012 10:08

Exactly what it says really. My best friend (of 25 years) has just told me shes pregnant. Of course i'm happy for her but i can't help feel slightly pushed out now as its all me me me.
As this is both our first i can't help feel like i'm now in competition stupid as that sounds. I'm having my 20 week scan on Friday and i have been very open about how nervous i am but its like that's been pushed to the sidelines now as shes complaining about morning sickness etc etc..

Ahh am i just being a selfish and a rubbish friend! Rant over...back to work!

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Flisspaps · 10/07/2012 10:11

I think your hormones are sending you a bit skewiff

Think of it as something good - pregnancy shouldn't be a competition. You can now share your experience together, your children will be a similar age so can play together - lots of friendships (even long term ones) can fall apart when baby arrives but you two will now have even more in common

ItsMyLastOne · 10/07/2012 10:12

She's probably finding it hard to think of anything else if she feels so sick. In a few weeks she'll be asking for advice or asking if this, that and the other is normal. She's probably also glad just to be able to talk to you about it, especially of not many people know.

EMS23 · 10/07/2012 10:16

Try to view it as a good thing. Really soon she'll hopefully stop feeling sick and you can enjoy pregnancy together.
Plus, as another poster said, friendships can sometimes suffer when one friend has a baby as your lives become very different. I've definitely found that with some of my oldest friends.
Now, they're starting to have kids themselves and they finally understand why I can't do certain things etc..

This is a good thing, you and your friend will be closer for it.

LIG1979 · 10/07/2012 10:18

Must be hormones -I would take it as exciting as you will both have babies at a similar time and hopefully you will both be at home with babies at the same time. One thought, if she took some time trying to get pregnant it may have been difficult for her to be trying whilst you were already pregnant and it must be nice for her to feel that she can talk to you about the difficult first few weeks. When people were pg and I was trying I did feel quite left out/jealous when talking with pg people.

Hope your 20 week scan goes well. It is amazing how much they have grown from the 12 week scan.

Longtalljosie · 10/07/2012 10:22

This is a brilliant thing. Really. Your children will be the same age, they can play together, you can help each other out with mini-babysitting sessions while you get your hair cut / on top of the endless laundry. I do understand but I promise you life has handed you a very very good thing. Honest.

Original poster

Paddocks1 · 10/07/2012 10:22

Aw yes you are all right...Knew i was being silly!
I am really excited don't get me wrong and its a bit of a standing joke we always do things together so why not this lol.

Thankyou for your advice - roll on this Friday for the scan hopefully everything is ok. eekkkk x

OP posts:

NellyBluth · 10/07/2012 10:26

I had 3 friends pg at the same time as me - one close colleague, one old best friend, and then DP's best friend's wife too. And, honestly, I hated it

I selfishly wanted to be special, and the only one who was pg, and then I wanted DD to be the only new baby around at the time in the friendship groups. I also struggled a lot with pg colleague as she had a different approach to pg than I did and was constantly questioning what I ate, or what vitamins I did/didn't take etc.

Hormones can make you feel very irrational... basically, I think I just wanted to say that you aren't the only person to feel like this. It doesn't make you a rubbish friend to be feeling this way. But it probably would make you a bit of a rubbish friend to act on those feelings. Its great that you know already that how you are feeling isn't the friendliest way, so just acknowledge it and then try and forget about it. It is a lovely thing when all the babies are here at the same time!

Oh, and if she had bad morning sickness than I doubt she means to moan so much but, blimey, I have never felt so awful in my life as when I was pregnant...

PurplePidjin · 10/07/2012 10:33

BIL has just told us (not wider family, just dp and i so far, he's somewhat in shock!!) that a short term partner who he's no longer with is due a month before me so there'll be two cute newborns in time for Christmas. I'm feeling incredibly miffed as i like attention but don't like to seek it, iyswim, but it's all in my head. Most of me is chuffed that my pfb will have not only 3 bigger cousins but one the same age to play with.

Once the two babies are toddling, it'll be lovely for them to have a little friend to play with :)

juneau · 10/07/2012 10:35

It's lovely being pregnant at the same time as a good friend! You can compare notes, go shopping for baby stuff, get excited together. And when your babies arrive you'll have loads in common - which if one of you wasn't having a baby too would not be the case. Plaster a smile on your face - this is probably going to be great in the long run.

leddeeburdee · 10/07/2012 10:41

I would have loved to be pregnant at the same time as my best friend. None of my friends were having babies when I had my first and it was quite an isolating time within my existing friendship groups when I had a newborn. I would try to look on it as a blessing.

Good luck with the scan on Friday.

spammertime · 10/07/2012 10:42

I spent 4 years trying to conceive DS1. Our 12 week scan was on 23 December so we kept it secret and took the picture up to my mum on Christmas day. It was lovely.

Then my sister told us she was pregnant too. Only just (5 weeks) and they'd only been trying for 3 months. So I never even got 1 day of it being "just" me. Yes it is really nice now the cousins are close in age. But I honestly won't ever forget how it made me feel. So I do understand!

gardenpixies32 · 10/07/2012 10:52

I was about 8 weeks pregnant when my sister announced she was pregnant too (she was 5 weeks)! Felt awful for her when she miscarried 2 weeks later. It was even worse when I had my 12 week scan and I had to announce it was twins! She was lovely about it but I know it must have been a difficult time for her.

Clarella · 10/07/2012 11:00

I sort of had the opposite feeling - a friend who had been trying for 2 years is became pregnant though IUI (?) and is 8 or 9 weeks ahead of me. we've been friends since the age of 11 though live in different cities and have always remained in touch in that sort of 'family' way. I suspected she might be when I was around 6 weeks as had gone suspiciously quiet and called her - I was delighted for her and then felt really bad to admit that I was too after practically one try. We are 35 so sort of need to just get going but I really didn't want to steal her thunder. Its been a little odd as she's been incredibly laid back as had regular early scans etc whereas I've been going mad with worry about thyroid probs and slapped cheek, which she really didn't understand (though I must admit I kept it from her, again so as not to out shadow her) It has been really nice though to hear her experiences eg warning me not to bother with the downs test as it drove her nuts and what to expect in the next 2 months! We are all meeting up in August and again I still really feel like i want to make all the fuss about her as she really deserves it!

I'm sure your friend will calm/settle down as she gets used to it all. If there's one thing ive realised since pregnant is that its incredibly hard to imagine what it is like until you have experienced it, and this applies even to each stage of pregnancy!

I must admit to being INCREDIBLY miffed in the past though when people i know have met and got married and then had a child very quickly whilst my now DH was 'biding his time.....' so I do understand the feeling!

Pippin23 · 10/07/2012 12:24

Paddocks1 you're not being selfish & rubbish at all, and I bet that once you've both got used to your friend being pregnant you'll get a lot out of being pregnant at the same time.

I got married earlier this year and one of my bridesmaids fell pregnant in the lead-up to it - in fact she announced it to our friends at my hen night! At the time I felt rather uncharitably as if she's stolen my thunder a bit, but actually she had to tell us really, rather than lie about why she wasn't drinking. She was only about 8 weeks, and now I'm pregnant myself I understand it must have been a bit stressful for her to tell us all so early (not to mention to get through an entire day with several other drunken women, i could barely stay awake past 7pm at 8 weeks!).

Anyway it's nice to share experiences now, and I've been going to her for advice. Like "when did you stop feeling like crap all the time?", "will we be able to go for more than an hour without weeing ever again?" and so on ;-) I'm sure your mate will stop being so "me me me" too and will start asking for advice about your experiences soon enough. And of course once the babies are born and you've both waved fond farewell to your normal social lives, it'll be lovely to have a close friend with a baby roughly the same age to spend time with.

Good luck with the scan
x

Smicha · 10/07/2012 14:26

OP, my DH had a similar experience - we told his family that we were expecting and his brother's response was 'snap'! His wife and I are due just a couple of days apart. I was ecstatic at the thought of someone to share it with and that the the cousins could grow up together, but DH felt like his thunder had been stolen and he really wasn't happy about it (I thought he was going to cry!). He got over it pretty quickly though and realised he was being an idiot,he's now really excited about the new relationship he and his brother will have as Dads together, but it's funny what emotions can do - even for Dads-to-be!!

osterleymama · 10/07/2012 21:07

It will be lovely for you both when the newness and excitement is over and you have someone to share the experience with. It'll be a godsend for babysitting swaps and playdates and you're much more likely to stay close as your kids get older.

My sister is 3 weeks behind me, its my second and her third and we're both thrilled. I might not have been so thrilled if this had happened in my first pregnancy though!

curlyLJ · 10/07/2012 21:42

we told our best friends very early on (5wks) as they knew we had been doing IVF - wouldn't normally say anything that early, only to be told they were also expecting and were about 3-4 weeks ahead. She isn't the most maternal and 'complained' that they had only gone and got pg the first month of trying, again (both of us couples already have 1 DD each) The fact that we have spent ££thousands and would give anything to get pg naturally obviously didn't factor when she made her insensitive comment.

Anyway, I came to terms with it and was looking forward to being pg together - so i kind of know how you feel. I don't think you are being selfish or a rubbish friend. Pregnancy stirs up a lot of emotions.

Now it looks like my pg isn't going to progress, we won't know for sure until next week, but it's looking very doubtful and she has got her scan next week and they are coming to stay for the w/e (originally planned so us girls can go maternity clothes shopping) and tbh I don't know how I am going to handle it.

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