Debating trying for no 2 and full of reservations/paranoia

[OneOf8]

Firstly sorry if this is in the wrong area, I couldn't decide where would be best (in-decision an ongoing theme!)

Secondly - sorry if this seems a "pity party", I just cant discuss this in real life as partner doesn't understand and people think I should be "over" what happened with my first by now.

Will give a bit more detail in next post, but I just wondered if anyone would mind sharing how they decided to either try for another baby, or to not to try for another baby if they had been through something similar.

Thank you in advance

I had my first 2011, everything was fine until 38 weeks. Emergency C-section and then baby readmitted after a few days at home due to baby being poorly.

I don't want to put to many details as would rather not worry anyone - but if needed I will give the full account.

I felt so lucky and bless that everything was ok, by 2 month there was no indication he had been through such a bumpy few weeks, he just looked like he needed fattening up so more!

I have been adamant I did not want to "risk" a second to avoid the chances of history repeating, or things being worse.

Problem is I want a second, I just don't want a pregnancy as I am so scared my body is rubbish and therefore may not sustain a baby - it tried once and almost failed - I am not strong like some of the women on here, and don't think I could cope if anything happened.

I feel that we should be grateful for our son, as there is no guarantee I can even get pregnant a second time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you make a decision? Does it get better in time - as for me, the desire to have a second is increasing, but so is the fear

I am in a similar situation. I would like a second but after a miscarriage, a threatened miscarriage which then led to a placental abruption and a baby born at 29 weeks who is now disabled I think I have decided that I am not taking the risk again. I love my ds to bits, but even though the odds of history repeating itself are only about 20% I don't like those odds.

I have spoken at length to both my obs consultant , my DS three consultants and my gp. That helped. They suggested I try to decided if I wanted another assuming everything worked out ok, but taking into account the fact that I would not enjoy pregnancy. If I did they then said think about the risk and whether that changed your decision.

In the end though its a personal choice. My DH is adamant we can't take the risk so I think that's that

It's hard to comment without knowing what happened with your DS. But I'm sure you'd get plenty of support and advice, and be well looked after if you decided to have a second child. When women have issues in their first pregnancy or their first baby has issues after birth, the hospital will try very hard to reduce the possibility of the same thing happening again.

Could you book an appointment with a gp to discuss it and see what would happen in terms of your care if you were to get pregnant again.

Thank you, my partner wants another - which makes this more isolating.

I would love my son to have a sibling, but I do not think I am strong enough mentally to go through the pregnancy.

How old is your DS now, if you don't mind me asking?

Sometimes we all surprise ourselves. You sound strong to me. My DS was prem and religeous sorts say things like god chose you because you are strong. This isn't the case. You become strong in the face of adversity. We all have hidden depths of strength.

We recently discussed having another - DH was against. But he realised that this was improtant to me. In a different world, he wouldn't have another, but was willing to compromise for me. Not all DHs would do this so I'm grateful. I too thought I would struggle to conceive...but no, first time lucky. So weird.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

If you do have another, then dependent on the issues in your first pregnancy you'll probably have extra care (perhaps consultant led rather than midwife led, or more appointments and monitoring) so you won't be left to it with crossed fingers

I don't know if this helps or not but I had a horrendous pregnancy with number 1 (sick morning, noon & night for 9 months), was very traumatised by the birth (very quick so no time for pain relief) & dreadful PND once he was born. I swore I'd never do it again. However, once he was about 18 months in something just 'switched' in me & suddenly I had to have another baby. All logic, sense went out the window, becoming pregnant was all that mattered. Son is now 29 months & number 2 is due in September.

Sometimes I worry that I won't cope with 2, am worried about the birth but when I think of the alternative it just seems worth it.

ItsMy My waters went, but my body did nothing else, and then the hospital let me go 60 hours post waters breaking before doing anything (due to availability of staff/rooms).

His heart stopped just before the induction really started which lead to the emergency c-section. He was weak, and he stopped breathing at 8 days old - which was when he was readmitted.

They put it down to "potentially" the placenta not working properly towards the end, which would also account for the reduced movement etc. and the fact he was a poor feeder did not help.

Course of IV antibiotics when he went back in and his appitite improved, and there was/has not been any signs of lasting damage.

Its the not knowing exactly what went wrong, as I had such an easy pregnancy compared to most my friends - a bleed at the start, but then everything was fine until the waters went. It was the fact if my waters hadn't gone I was told he may not have survived, this is what scares me the most.

I'm so pleased to hear there isn't any lasting damage. Such a worry for you and your DH. I can't believe they left you so long. I went to the gynea for a pre-conception once-over and used it to ask loads of questions. I would do the same in your shoes. Get out of them what went wrong (if they know now), did they test the placenta, what are chances of recurrance, what would they offer you in terms of care in the next possible pregnancy, what would they do if at 38 weeks the same thing happened...etc. Write it all down and ask every single question you can think of. Perhaps you'll be reassured, or not, but at least you would have explored the possibility more thoroughly before making a descision.

I really think you need to speak to a gp about this first. I honestly think they will be very conscious of what happened last time and it will probably mean you being heavily monitored and possibly being induced early or having an elcs.

I agree that you are probably a lot stronger than you believe and IMHO you would be able to do this and have a healthy child at the end of it. But only you and your partner can make that decision.

Sorry to hear you had such a tough time, can't begin to imagine how stuff it must have been for you.

As others have said, I'm sure you'd get a lot more attention if you decided to have another.

I'm currently pregnant with DC3. DD1 was textbook pregnancy, labour, birth etc. DD2 unfortunately had quite a few (luckily minor) issues and now suffers with a rare migraine disorder which luckily doesn't cause any major issues, but very unsettling and stressful at the time.

Anyway, although I always planned to have 3 I have to say the it took a lot of courage making the decision. I suppose I just expected something to go wrong... But I knew I wanted 3 (I grew up in a 3) and decided whatever happened happened. We've just had our 20 week scan and everything appears good. Only you can make the decision but I have to say as time went on the decision was easier to make!!

Good luck whatever you choose.